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Usuario: EEng


Bienvenido a la página de usuario de Edwin Engelbarth, Esquire. [1]

El lema oficial de esta página de usuario

Jaja, solo en serio

El otro lema oficial de esta página de usuario

No os olvidéis de la hospitalidad, porque por ella algunos, sin saberlo, hospedaron ángeles.

Esta página está especialmente recomendada para aquellas personas con deficiencia, ysatirizado para su protección.

No pude dejarlo

De nuestro artículo sobre la novela The Pit , de Frank Norris:

Fue el segundo libro de lo que sería la trilogía La epopeya del trigo ... Juntas, las tres novelas debían seguir el viaje de una cosecha de trigo desde su plantación en California hasta su consumo final como pan en Europa occidental.

Todavía hay algunos errores en el sistema.

Información útil de Google AI Overview en respuesta a la pregunta "¿Quién interpretó a la hermana en la película Filadelfia ?"

Peg French interpreta a las hermanas Brontë en la película Filadelfia de 1993.

En un triple papel, supongo.

Salón de la fama de la redacción publicitaria

De un anuncio [11] de puré de manzana y jugo de manzana de la marca Tree Top:

Papá agricultor: Durante sesenta años, familias como la nuestra han estado cultivando manzanas para el jugo de manzana de la marca "Tree Top", ¡para familias como la suya!

Abuelo granjero: ¡Manzanas maduras y jugosas, recogidas en el punto óptimo de perfección! <Foto de una linda niñita recogiendo manzanas, posiblemente una violación del trabajo infantil.>

Padre granjero: Y año tras año, cosecha tras cosecha, nos hemos mantenido fieles a nuestra creencia fundamental de que las manzanas de mejor calidad producen la compota de manzana y el jugo de manzana más sabrosos.

Estoy tratando de decidir cuáles son las creencias fundamentales de un agricultor de manzanas .

Al menos yoesperanzaNo tiene relación con su carrera en Tektronix.

De nuestro artículo sobre el fabricante de equipos de prueba electrónicos Tektronix :

Las siguientes personas destacadas trabajan actualmente para Tektronix o han trabajado anteriormente para Tektronix en alguna función. Esta lista incluye personas destacadas por motivos no relacionados con su carrera en Tektronix.

¿Cómo funciona eso exactamente?

De "Arrestan a un empleado de Stanford acusado de falsificar acusaciones de violación" (16 de marzo de 2023):

La profesora de Derecho Michele Dauber, que imparte un curso sobre violencia sexual titulado “Uno de cada cinco: la ley, la política y las normas sobre la agresión sexual en los campus”, escribió en un correo electrónico a The Daily que las denuncias falsas son “muy poco frecuentes”. Solo entre el dos y el diez por ciento de todas las denuncias son falsas, una tasa similar a las denuncias falsificadas de otros delitos, incluido el asesinato.

Betrand Russell, drogadicto

De Boyer y Merzbach, A History of Mathematics (2.ª ed., 1989), pág. 685:

Una década más tarde apareció el primer volumen de Principia methamática (3 vols., 1910-1913), de Bertrand Russell y Alfred North Whitehead.

Oportunidad perdida

Cartel en la estación Farringdon de Londres
Debería haber dicho: CONDUCTORES: ¡No olviden bajar sus pantógrafos!

El misterioso Oriente

Subtítulos que acompañan el comentario de un presentador de MSNBC sobre la reciente reunión entre los presidentes Biden y Xi

PARA PAGAR POR DISPARAR, REALMENTE
LOS NECESITA.
EL SUYO TAMBIEN TUVO PROBLEMAS DOMÉSTICOS.
EL SOLO SECTORES PARA
EL SR. Y SU MINISTRO PORNO POR LA CORRUPCION.

Notas de cine de todo el mundo

Grave

La vida es en color, pero el blanco y negro es más realista.

Sam Fuller (como "Joe") en El estado de las cosas (1982).

Poco serio

La desaparición de Bowman fue la mayor emoción de Danburg desde que el lechero se fugó con la esposa del contrabandista.

—Intertítulo en la película de comedia de terror de Lon Chaney, The Monster (1925).

Tal vez unaplaca azul?

De nuestro artículo sobre el matemático WW Rouse Ball :

Se le conmemora en el nombre del pequeño pabellón, ahora utilizado como vestuarios y baños, en Jesus Green, en Cambridge.

Supongo que todo está al este de algo.

De "¿Cuáles son los estándares de formato de vídeo NTSC , PAL y SECAM ?" [12]

SECAM es la abreviatura de Sequential Color and Memory (color secuencial y memoria). Este formato de vídeo se utiliza en muchos países del Este, como la URSS, China, Pakistán, Francia y algunos otros.

Seguimiento: Según un amigo , SECAM significa Señal Enteramente Contraria al Método Americano.

¡Shhh! ¡No se lo digas a nadie!

Bueno, al menos no es el departamento de matemáticas.

Información útil del Departamento de Literatura Comparada de la Universidad de Yale: [13]

Examen de Calificación para el Grado de Doctor (“Orales”)

Los candidatos al doctorado deben realizar un examen oral de calificación en el quinto semestre de estudio. En los exámenes orales se evalúan los conocimientos y la comprensión de las disciplinas de los estudiantes... El examen constará de seis temas examinados durante quince minutos cada uno, con una duración total de dos horas.

Museo de la subestimación

De nuestro artículo sobre Oppie:

Oppenheimer no se tomó bien la noticia. Se abalanzó sobre Fergusson y trató de estrangularlo.

"Siguiente punto del orden del día..."

Un artículo reciente de Law&Crime Network

Las imágenes de una cámara corporal muestran el momento en que la policía de Fayetteville, Arkansas, arrestó al director financiero de Tyson Foods, John Tyson, quien fue encontrado dormido en la cama de una mujer universitaria el 6 de noviembre. En el video, Tyson parecía estar "desorientado" mientras los oficiales intentaban despertarlo. Fue acusado de allanamiento ilegal e intoxicación pública. Un informe decía que Tyson se disculpó durante una llamada en la que se anunciaban las ganancias del cuarto trimestre de Tyson Foods.

Republicanos del MAGA, tomen nota

De nuestro artículo Howard Mumford Jones:

En febrero de 1954, Jones pronunció el discurso inaugural de una ampliación de la Biblioteca Memorial de la Universidad de Wisconsin, titulada "Los libros y la mente independiente". El meollo de sus comentarios se resumía en lo siguiente: "Si bien es cierto que en esta nación seguimos siendo libres de ser idiotas, ¡no se sigue necesariamente que debamos ser idiotas para ser libres!".

El hijo de Trump va a la escuela aquí. Nunca adivinarás lo que pasó...

De nuestro artículo sobre la Oxbridge Academy Foundation, que enfrenta problemas éticos:

Oxbridge Academy Foundation, Inc. es una escuela secundaria y preparatoria mixta privada de preparación universitaria en West Palm Beach, Florida. Oxbridge Academy ofrece clases desde el 7.º hasta el 12.º grado. Dirigida a estudiantes de todos los orígenes socioeconómicos, la escuela cuenta con un fisioterapeuta en el personal, almuerzos preparados por chefs, un equipo de vela y equitación y un simulador de vuelo.

La escuela fue financiada con una donación de 50 millones de dólares de Bill Koch . El objetivo de Koch era crear una escuela para sus propios hijos donde los estudiantes académicamente dotados de todos los orígenes socioeconómicos pudieran hacer proyectos prácticos y aprender mediante la resolución de problemas, un lugar donde los estudiantes gobernaran. Oxbridge se inauguró en menos de un año en un campus de 45 acres que alguna vez albergó un centro comunitario judío. Para 2016, había gastado más de 75 millones de dólares en la escuela. En 2011, Koch contrató a Robert C. Parsons para dirigir la escuela bajo los títulos de presidente y director ejecutivo  ...

En abril de 2016, el Sr. Koch anunció que el decano académico John Klemme se desempeñaría como presidente de la escuela, colocando al Sr. Parsons en licencia paga en espera de una investigación de denuncias de acoso. El paquete de compensación de Parsons valía $ 1 millón, con un salario anual de aproximadamente $ 600,000 por año. El 27 de mayo de 2016, Koch despidió a Parsons y se negó a renovar los contratos del director de atletismo Craig Sponsky y el entrenador de fútbol Doug Socha; Koch señaló que un "grupo de élites de poder" en la escuela "dirigía el asilo"  ... El 20 de junio de 2018, la escuela anunció que estaba terminando su programa de fútbol después de que varios de sus jugadores se transfirieran a otras escuelas.

En 2016, la escuela autodenunció violaciones al reclutamiento atlético y perdió todas las victorias atléticas de los dos años anteriores  ...

El colapso del 2020

De nuestro artículo sobre Matthew Freud:

Según la lista de ricos del Sunday Times de 2020, Freud tiene un patrimonio estimado de 170 millones de libras, una disminución de 10 libras respecto al año anterior.

Bocazas

De nuestro artículo "El asesinato de Alison Shaughnessy" [14]:

Bernard O'Mahoney, un hombre que originalmente hizo campaña por la liberación de los Taylor y que luego tuvo un romance con Michelle, ha afirmado desde entonces que ella le confesó el asesinato y ha hecho campaña para que las hermanas sean condenadas nuevamente.

Corrección

Una corrección a [15]:

No te preocupes, Donald, han pasado 65 años desde que alguien fue ejecutado en los EE. UU. por...colaboración traidora con Rusia Robo de secretos nucleares.

Juan

Elton John
Olivia Newton-John

Las vidas secretas deChicos orgullosos

De nuestro artículo sobre Beautiful Mystery , "una de las primeras películas pornográficas gay producidas comercialmente en Japón":

Después de una noche de intensas relaciones sexuales, la pareja se despierta y descubre que durmieron demasiado y se perdieron el golpe.

Más malditos nazis

En relación con [16], que (Y NO ME LO INVENTÉ) fue una reacción a [17], pregunta: ¿Quiso decir nazis cabrones o nazi-cachondos ? El guion marca toda la diferencia.

Hacer un seguimiento

En opinión de John Adams [18]:

En la monarquía, el delito de traición puede admitir perdón o castigo leve, pero el que se atreve a rebelarse contra las leyes de una república debe sufrir la muerte.

Esta vez sí que la cagaste, muchacho Donnie.

De Schindlerelevar

Museo de los mejores planes

(De los muy extrañados MjolnirPants :)

Sin que yo lo supiera, mi administrador de contraseñas guardó mi contraseña codificada...

Aguafiestas

[19]

No es de sorprender, ahora que lo pienso.

De las instrucciones del Formulario 1, la Declaración de Impuesto sobre la Renta de Residentes de Massachusetts

P: ¿Cuál es la tasa impositiva más alta voluntaria de Massachusetts?

R: Puede optar por pagar voluntariamente impuestos a una tasa del 5,85 % sobre los ingresos imponibles que, de otro modo, estarían sujetos a una tasa del 5 %. Muy pocas personas toman esta decisión.

Museo de regionalismos que quizá no viajan tan bien

Del Washington Post, "Tres bomberos de la misma estación tuvieron bebés en un lapso de 24 horas" (30 de marzo de 2022):

Pero el 20 de febrero, los hombres –Frederick, Michael Irvine y Kyle Dean– se vieron en el Spotsylvania Regional Medical Center. Para su sorpresa y diversión, sus hijos nacieron en el mismo período de 24 horas. "Nos sorprendió que todos termináramos allí al mismo tiempo", dijo Dean con la modestia de un socorrista que ha visto muchas cosas inusuales en su trabajo.

Los hombres pensaron que tal vez deberían quemar algo de energía nerviosa organizando una partida de cornhole durante su tiempo libre en el hospital, de la misma manera que pasan el tiempo en el parque de bomberos. Rápidamente decidieron que a sus dos esposas y a su prometida no les gustaría eso.

Yo creo que no.

No aprobó la sección cuantitativa del examenExamen LSAT

De "El mito de las huellas dactilares", un episodio de La ley y el orden :

Experto en bata de laboratorio: Encontré siete falsos positivos de los veinte que probé.

Asistente del fiscal del distrito: <sacude la cabeza con incredulidad> ¡Eso es casi un tercio!

Temas candentes del día

Del programa en pantalla de MSNBC durante su cobertura de los incendios forestales de Colorado de 2021 :

ENTREVISTA EN VIVO: EL ALCALDE DE BOULDER EN FUEGO

Buena idea

De nuestro artículo sobre el grupo Donner:

A la mañana siguiente, el grupo despojó a Antonio, Dolan, Graves y Murphy de sus músculos y órganos. Los secaron para guardarlos durante los días siguientes, teniendo cuidado de que nadie tuviera que comerse a sus familiares.

Frases que no terminamos de leer

De nuestro artículo sobre limpieza de terminales :

La limpieza terminal es un método de limpieza utilizado en entornos sanitarios  ...

Las aventuras de...¡SUPERHOMBRE!

De la noticia "Hombre de Massachusetts que detuvo un robo a mano armada fue honrado con la prestigiosa Medalla Carnegie ", 24 de septiembre de 2021 [20]:

LaPierre salvó a una madre y a su bebé de un automóvil aplastado en Canton, tranquilizó a un vecindario de Newton cuando encontró rápidamente una pitón perdida de 8 pies y ahora está siendo honrado por detener un robo a mano armada.

Museo de muy,muygente traviesa

Titular, 2 de junio de 2021:

Médico que participó en registro rectal ilegal se declara culpable en caso federal de drogas

Museo de formas creativas de fomentar el compromiso cívico

Titular del Herald & Review de Decatur, Illinois , del 9 de junio de 2010:

Ex oficial de policía de Bloomington apela condena por violación por mostrar demasiada pornografía al jurado

Uno de estos no es como los demás

De nuestro artículo del Centro de Ciencias de la Salud de la Universidad de Tennessee:
==Exalumnos destacados==

Nada y Ser

Con agradecimiento a Andrew Lancaster

Museo de Servicios Esenciales

De nuestro artículo sobre Homobiles , "una organización estadounidense sin fines de lucro fundada en 2011 que ofrece viajes principalmente a la comunidad LGBT de San Francisco [centrándose] en los clientes que los taxis no querían recoger: aquellos que usan brillantina, calzas sin trasero o que no pueden pagar la tarifa":

Algunos pasajeros informan que no pueden viajar debido al maquillaje con brillantina, ya que puede ser difícil para el conductor limpiarla después del viaje.

Museo de las categorías innecesarias

Categoría:Naufragios en el Registro Nacional de Lugares Históricos de Arizona

Este error tipográfico estaba tan lleno de posibilidades divertidas que realmente odié eliminarlo.

De nuestro artículo Auxiliar de vuelo:

La serie de libros Vicki Barr: azafata de vuelo , en la que la carrera de Vicki "le trae amigos glamorosos, aventuras emocionantes, compañeros de habitación leales y citas con un joven piloto y una reportera prometedora"  ...

Museo de Mejor Reformular Eso

La presentadora de MSNBC Katy Tur adelanta un segmento próximo, 22 de febrero de 2010:

Y aún más adelante  ... más de cinco décadas después de sus muertes, las hijas de Malcolm  X y Martin Luther King se reúnen para una discusión extraordinaria sobre el legado de sus padres y el futuro.

Nota personal: después de ver la entrevista, me veo obligado a decir que, para ser personas que murieron hace cinco décadas, parecen increíblemente reales.

De verdad, DE VERDAD,EN REALIDAD,EN REALIDADMejor reformúlalo

Resumen de la edición de nuestro artículo "Casos de abuso sexual en la Iglesia Católica":

El sacerdote se baja [21]

Y mientras estás reformulando las cosas...

La reportera Hallie Jackson entrevista al representante Jim Clyburn en MSNBC, el 12 de enero de 2023:

Algunos de sus colegas del otro lado del pasillo han establecido paralelismos entre lo que está sucediendo ahora en relación con la revelación de estos documentos clasificados encontrados en las áreas privadas del presidente y lo que sucedió con el expresidente Trump.

Museo de Yuxtaposiciones Un Poco Extrañas

Del autor Joseph P. Kennedy Jr .:

Se le concedió póstumamente la Cruz de la Marina y fue el mayor de nueve hijos de Joseph P. Kennedy Sr. (1888-1969) y Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy (1890-1995).

Museo de información posiblemente innecesaria

La presentadora de CNN Yasmin Vossoughian (21 de febrero de 2021) nos cuenta sobre la falla del motor de un avión de pasajeros que comenzó con un "fuerte estruendo", después del cual "cayeron escombros del motor del cielo":

Los pasajeros del avión quedaron en shock.

Todo lo que siempre quise saber lo aprendí en La dimensión desconocida

De Los monstruos llegarán a Maple Street#Trama :

Las luces empiezan a parpadear en las casas de todo el vecindario; las cortadoras de césped y los motores de los automóviles se encienden y se apagan sin razón aparente. La multitud se vuelve histérica, lanza acusaciones, rompe ventanas y toma armas mientras la situación se convierte en un motín generalizado.

La escena cambia a la cima de una colina cercana, donde se revela que la sombra que sobrevoló es, de hecho, una nave espacial extraterrestre. Su tripulación está observando el motín en Maple Street mientras usa un dispositivo para manipular el poder del vecindario. Comentan que el simple hecho de jugar con la coherencia lleva a la gente a caer en la paranoia y el pánico, y que este es un patrón que se puede explotar. También comentan su intención de usar esta estrategia para conquistar la Tierra, un vecindario a la vez. Luego ascienden por una escalera hacia su nave espacial.

Museo de las Diferencias Culturales

Información alarmante de nuestro artículo sobre los bebés holandeses :

Un bebé holandés siempre se cocina en el horno, en lugar de freírlo por ambos lados en la estufa.

Ahora¡No disponible en tiendas!

Ingeniería eléctrica

Guía de Wikipedia del Dr. Seuss

Hace cien años, Theodor Seuss Geisel (más conocido como " Dr. Seuss ") comenzó su carrera como escritor escribiendo una reseña de un horario de trenes y colaborando con la revista de humor Jack-O-Lantern del Dartmouth College . [2] Desde entonces, millones de niños, jóvenes y mayores, se han deleitado con el ingenio y la sabiduría de sus libros icónicos con sus ilustraciones alucinatorias. Para celebrar este centenario, The Signpost ha secuestrado descaradamente algunas de las obras más conocidas de Seuss (y algunas menos conocidas) al servicio del objetivo quizás cuestionable de adoctrinar a una nueva generación de editores en las formas extravagantes de Wikipedia.
"Es un zoológico bastante bueno",
dijo el joven Gerald McGrew,
"y el hombre que lo dirige
también parece estar orgulloso de ello".


Están editando en todo el mundo .
Y por eso no me necesitan .
Que otros editen en Suiza
o Memphis, Tennessee .
Que editen en Alaska
y en China .
No me importa.
Que otros editen en Italia .
Que otros editen en España .
Que editen en Massachusetts ,
Connecticut y Maine .
Alguien más puede editar en Londres
, París y Berlín .
Que editen todo lo que quieran.
Pero yo no.
Yo me quedo durmiendo. [10]

¡Ve! ¡Ve! ¡Ve! No me importa cómo.
Puedes ir a editar pie . Puedes ir a editar vaca . [11]

Mi maravillosa arma, el Rollbacker -Snatchem,
revertirá esas ediciones tan rápido como las atrapemos. [12]

Tienes cerebro en la cabeza.
Tienes pies en los zapatos.
Puedes redirigir artículos
a cualquier lugar que elijas. [13]

¡Ey! ¡ Qué comité! ¡Ideal para su propósito!
A nuestros empleados les encanta trabajar como empleados. Dicen: "¡Hagan que trabajemos! ¡Hagan que trabajemos!
Trabajaremos como empleados y trabajaremos como empleados hasta que nos mareemos
(¡Pero solo verán la mitad porque la discusión no tiene hilo conductor !) "  [14]

Aprendí que hay vándalos de más de un tipo.
Algunos vienen por delante y otros por detrás.
Pero me dieron el mando  , ya estoy listo, ¿ven?
Ahora esos vándalos van a...

¡ser bloqueado por mí!  [20]

Tendré que arreglarlo . Porque, después de todo,
un error es un error, no importa lo pequeño que sea. [26]

Quise decir lo que dije y dije lo que quise decir  ...
¡ArbCom es fiel al cien por cien!  [27]

Enlaces internos , externos , canalizados o no .
¡Ah, los enlaces los puedes enlazar como quieras!
No enlaces de izquierdas o de derechas, promocionales o spam .
¡Practica los enlaces seguros siempre que puedas!  [28]

Escribió la parte más occidental
del sureste de Dakota del Norte
,
y un artículo muy bueno
sobre la iota ,
pero escribiré un esbozo
que es aún mucho mejor
sobre la parte noreste-oeste
de Carolina del Sur
. [36]

Los editores lo saben: arriba se ven grandes vistas,
pero aquí abajo también nosotros deberíamos tener derechos. [37]

PADRE MADRE HERMANA HERMANO
Ese no fui yo, fue mi hermano .
Mi hermano edita pequeños fragmentos.
Corrige palabras como its y it's . [46]
———
* Los no expertos en tecnología deberían consultar nuestro artículo sobre POP3 .



Ayudas de memoria

¡Gracias Doc, no podríamos haberlo hecho sin ti!

     "Te lo digo
           porque eres uno de mis amigos. ¡
     Mi alfabeto empieza
           donde termina el tuyo! ...
     Así que, ¡adelante, más allá de la Z!
           Ya es hora de que te muestren
     que en realidad no sabes todo lo que hay por saber ".
           
  1. ^ En realidad no. [1]
  2. ^ Lathem, Edward Connery, ed. (2004) [1976]. "Los comienzos del Dr. Seuss: una reminiscencia informal". Dartmouth College . Consultado el 22 de enero de 2021 .
  3. ^ El abecedario del Dr. Seuss
  4. ^ Un pez, dos peces, pez rojo, pez azul
  5. Hoy puedo lamer 30 tigres! y otras historias
  6. Puedo leer con los ojos cerrados!
  7. ^ Ven a mi casa
  8. Hurra por el Día de Diffendoofer!
  9. ^ La semilla de Bippolo y otras historias perdidas
  10. ^ ¡ No me voy a levantar hoy! : "En todo el mundo / se están levantando. / Y a mí me parece bien. / Dejad que los niños se levanten en Suiza / ...  o en Memphis, Tennessee. / Dejad que los niños se levanten en Alaska / ...  y en China. / No me importa. / Dejad que los niños se levanten en Italia. / Dejad que los niños se levanten en España. / Dejad que se levanten en Massachusetts / y en Connecticut y en Maine. / Dejad que los niños se levanten en Londres / y en París y en Berlín. / Dejad que se levanten todo lo que quieran. / Pero yo no. / Yo me quedo durmiendo."
  11. ^ Marvin K. Mooney ¡Por favor, vete ya!: "Ve. Vete. ¡VETE! / No me importa cómo. / Puedes ir a pie. / Puedes ir en vaca".
  12. ^ El libro de la batalla de la mantequilla : ""Mi maravillosa arma, el Jigger-Rock Snatchem, / los arrojará de regreso tan rápido como los atrapemos".
  13. ^ ¡ Oh, los lugares a los que irás!: "Tienes cerebro en tu cabeza. / Tienes pies en tus zapatos. / Puedes dirigirte a cualquier dirección que elijas".
  14. ^ Si yo dirigiera el circo : " ¡Ei! ¡Ei! ¡Qué circo! ¡Mi circo McGurkus! / A mis trabajadores les encanta trabajar. Dicen: "¡Haznos trabajar! ¡Por favor, haznos trabajar! / Trabajaremos y crearemos tantas sorpresas / ¡Nunca verías la mitad aunque tuvieras cuarenta ojos!"
  15. Sólo se es viejo una vez!
  16. ^ Oh, ¿puedes decirlo?
  17. Gran día para Up!
  18. ^¿ Te dije alguna vez lo afortunado que eres?
  19. Cómo el Grinch robó la Navidad!
  20. ^ Tuve problemas para llegar a Solla Sollew : "Y aprendí que hay problemas / De más de un tipo. / Algunos vienen de adelante / Y algunos vienen de atrás. / Pero he comprado un bate grande. / Ya estoy listo, ya ves. / ¡Ahora mis problemas van / A tener problemas conmigo ! "
  21. ^ Y pensar que lo vi en Mulberry Street
  22. ^ El libro del pie
  23. ^ Huevos verdes con jamón
  24. ^ Horton hace eclosionar el huevo
  25. ^ Mi libro sobre mí
  26. ^ Horton escucha a Quién!: "Tendré que salvarlo. Porque, después de todo, / una persona es una persona, no importa lo pequeña que sea".
  27. ^ Horton incuba el huevo : "Quise decir lo que dije, y dije lo que quise decir. / ¡Un elefante es fiel al cien por cien!"
  28. ^ ¡ Oh, las cosas que puedes pensar! : "Piensa a la izquierda y piensa a la derecha / y piensa bajo y piensa alto. / ¡Oh, las cosas que puedes pensar si tan solo lo intentas!"
  29. ^ Mayzie con cabeza de margarita
  30. ^ Horton y el Kwuggerbug y más historias perdidas
  31. ^¿ Qué mascota debería tener?
  32. ^ Thidwick, el alce de gran corazón
  33. ^ Los zancos del rey
  34. ^ Bartolomé y el Oobleck
  35. ^ La forma de mí y otras cosas
  36. ^ Si yo dirigiera el zoológico : "En la parte más occidental / del sureste de Dakota del Norte / vive un animal muy bello / llamado Iota. / Pero capturaré uno / que es incluso mucho mejor / en la parte noreste oeste / de Carolina del Sur".
  37. ^ Yertle la tortuga y otras historias : "Lo sé, allá arriba se ven grandes paisajes, / pero aquí abajo, nosotros también deberíamos tener derechos".
  38. ^ ¡ Horton escucha a un Quién!: "¿Estás seguro de que todos los Quién de Villa Quién están trabajando? ¡Rápido! ¡Mira por tu ciudad! ¿Hay alguien holgazaneando?"
  39. ^ ¡ Oh, los lugares a los que irás!: "Lamento decirlo / pero, tristemente, es cierto / que los problemas / y los complejos / te pueden pasar".
  40. ^ Hay un Wocket en mi bolsillo
  41. ^ Zorro en calcetines
  42. ^ Los 5.000 dedos del Dr. T.
  43. ^ El libro del sueño del Dr. Seuss
  44. ^ Los 500 sombreros de Bartholomew Cubbins
  45. ^ El gato en el sombrero
  46. ^ Hop on Pop : "PADRE / MADRE / HERMANA / HERMANO / Ese es mi otro hermano. / Mis hermanos leen un poco. / Pequeñas palabras como / Si y eso".
  47. ^ Demasiados Daves
  48. ^ Huevos verdes con jamón : "No los comeré bajo la lluvia. / No los comeré en un tren. / ¡Ni en la oscuridad! ¡Ni en un árbol! / ¡Ni en un coche! ¡Déjame en paz! / No me gustan en una caja. / No me gustan con un zorro. / No los comeré en una casa. / No me gustan con un ratón. / No me gustan aquí ni allá. / ¡No me gustan EN NINGÚN LADO! / ¡No me gustan los huevos verdes con jamón! / No me gustan, / Sam-I-am."


Se podría decir que jodió el país.

El senador Charles Schumer hablando en el pleno del Senado de los Estados Unidos, el 22 de enero de 2021:

El hecho es que la Cámara de Representantes entregará el artículo de juicio político al Senado. El Senado llevará a cabo un juicio sobre el juicio político a Donald Trump. Será un juicio completo. Será un juicio justo. Pero no se equivoquen: habrá un juicio, y cuando ese juicio termine, los senadores tendrán que decidir si creen que Donald John Trump incitó a la erección  ... insurrección contra los Estados Unidos.

Jesús incita a Lázaro a la resurrección
Seguimiento (12 de febrero): El abogado Michael van der Veen, posiblemente no completamente informado sobre el tema en cuestión, defiende a Donald Trump durante el segundo juicio de Trump:

Litigar cuestiones de integridad electoral dentro del sistema no es una incitación a la resurrección  ...




Incluso las opiniones pierden su inmunidad cuando las circunstancias en que se expresan son tales que constituyen una instigación positiva a algún acto malicioso. Una opinión de que los comerciantes de cereales matan de hambre a los pobres o de que la propiedad privada es un robo no debería ser molestada cuando simplemente circula por la prensa, pero puede ser castigada con justicia cuando se expresa oralmente ante una multitud excitada reunida frente a la casa de un comerciante de cereales o cuando se distribuye entre la misma multitud en forma de cartel.

—Mill, Sobre la libertad, cap. III


¡Atención!

Uno de sus amigos o vecinos puede tener derecho a alojamiento y comida gratis, a expensas del gobierno, durante diez a cuarenta años; para unos pocos afortunados ganadores del Gran Premio, ¡incluso de por vida!

Si reconoce a alguien en las fotografías que aparecen aquí, siga las instrucciones que se indican para avisar a la patrulla de premios y programar una visita. ¡Su vecino se sorprenderá!

 

Estos son los tiempos que secan las suelas de los zapatos de los hombres.
Haz clic aquí

[1]

Sociópata trastornado
Sociópata trastornado
Donald Trump
Un sociópata trastornado. Y también un idiota.
Sociópata trastornado
De nuestro artículo sobre Black Rod, esencialmente el sargento de armas de la Cámara de los Comunes:

Black Rod es más conocido por su papel en las ceremonias que rodean la Apertura Estatal del Parlamento y el Discurso del trono . Convocan a los Comunes para asistir al discurso y los conducen hasta los Lores . Como parte del ritual, las puertas de la cámara de la Cámara de los Comunes se cierran de golpe en la cara de Black Rod que se acerca. Esto es para simbolizar la independencia de los Comunes del Soberano. Black Rod luego golpea la puerta tres veces con el bastón, y luego es admitido y emite la citación del monarca para asistir.  ... Este ritual se deriva del intento del rey Carlos I de arrestar a los Cinco Miembros en 1642, en lo que fue visto como una violación de la constitución.

Quien no sepa cómo terminó todo esto, vea La ejecución de Carlos I. Pero no se preocupe, Donald, han pasado 65 años desde que alguien fue ejecutado en los Estados Unidos por colaborar traicioneramente con Rusia. Y hablando de sociópatas trastornados:

De repente, Hitler empezó a pronunciar uno de sus discursos característicos: “Todos me han mentido, todos me han engañado, nadie me ha dicho la verdad. Las fuerzas armadas me han mentido y ahora las SS me han dejado en la estacada. El pueblo alemán no ha luchado heroicamente, merece perecer. No soy yo quien ha perdido la guerra, sino el pueblo alemán”.

Y todos sabemos cómo terminó eso .

Referencias

  1. ^ Crédito del juego de palabras: Safire

Interrumpimos nuestra programación habitual por
Un mensaje especial de Charlie Chaplin (1940)


Sólo los no amados odian: lo no amado y lo antinatural.
Un mundo decente que dé a los hombres la posibilidad de trabajar, que dé a los jóvenes un futuro y a los ancianos seguridad. Con la promesa de estas cosas, los brutos han llegado al poder. ¡Pero mienten! No cumplen esa promesa.
Los dictadores se liberan pero esclavizan al pueblo.

A quienes puedan oírme les digo: no desesperen. La miseria que ahora nos acosa no es más que el resultado de la codicia, la amargura de los hombres que temen el camino del progreso humano. El odio de los hombres pasará, los dictadores morirán y el poder que le arrebataron al pueblo volverá a él. Y mientras los hombres mueran, la libertad nunca perecerá.

¡Soldados! No os entreguéis a los brutos, a los hombres que os desprecian, que os esclavizan, que reglamentan vuestras vidas, que os dicen qué hacer, qué pensar y qué sentir. Que os entrenan, os dan dieta, os tratan como ganado, os utilizan como carne de cañón. ¡No os entreguéis a estos hombres antinaturales, hombres-máquina con mentes y corazones de máquina! ¡No sois máquinas! ¡No sois ganado! ¡Sois hombres! ¡Tenéis el amor de la humanidad en vuestros corazones! ¡No odiáis! Sólo odian los no amados, los no amados y los antinaturales. ¡Soldados! ¡No luchéis por la esclavitud! ¡Luchad por la libertad!

En el capítulo 17 de San Lucas está escrito: “El Reino de Dios está en el hombre”, no en un hombre ni en un grupo de hombres, sino en todos los hombres. ¡En vosotros! Vosotros, el pueblo, tenéis el poder: el poder de crear máquinas. El poder de crear felicidad. Vosotros, el pueblo, tenéis el poder de hacer de esta vida libre y hermosa, de hacer de esta vida una maravillosa aventura.

Entonces, en nombre de la democracia, utilicemos ese poder, unámonos todos. Luchemos por un mundo nuevo, un mundo decente que dé a los hombres la oportunidad de trabajar, que dé a los jóvenes un futuro y a los ancianos una seguridad. Con la promesa de estas cosas, los brutos han llegado al poder. ¡Pero mienten! No cumplen esa promesa. ¡Nunca lo harán!

Los dictadores se liberan a sí mismos, pero esclavizan a los pueblos. ¡Luchemos ahora para cumplir esa promesa! Luchemos por liberar al mundo, por acabar con las barreras nacionales, por acabar con la codicia, el odio y la intolerancia. Luchemos por un mundo de razón, un mundo en el que la ciencia y el progreso conduzcan a la felicidad de todos los hombres. ¡Soldados! ¡En nombre de la democracia, unámonos todos!


Hombres antinaturales: hombres-máquina con mentes y corazones-máquina.


¡VOTAR!
Y si alguien intenta detenerte, llama al 866-OUR-VOTE.


7 de noviembre: Haz  las maletas. Estás despedido, perdedor.


¿Alguna vez te preguntaste cómo serán los últimos minutos de Trump en el cargo?
Haz clic aquí para ver la respuesta.
... o aquí.



Nos reincorporamos a nuestra retransmisión habitual, ya en curso.

Un mensaje para los visitantes: por razones de rendimiento, algunas de las exposiciones con más imágenes se han trasladado al Anexo del Museo . El acceso al Anexo es gratuito y está abierto al público.





Esta área se dejó en blanco involuntariamente





El mejor juego de palabras de todos los tiempos de Wikipedia
De hecho, tenemos un artículo sobre las "torres para cabras", que son -y no me lo estoy inventando- "casas para cabras de varios pisos y decorativas" que, por alguna razón, se encuentran comúnmente en los viñedos. Y tal vez era inevitable que, en el transcurso de una discusión sobre este artículo, surgiera lo siguiente de la mente fértil pero retorcida de nuestro colega editor Martinevans123 [22]:




Jerarquía de subordinación del editor por nagualdesign

Tus abonos de temporada para los Museos son válidos en WP:AE. Userbox de Ritchie333 [23].


Ojalá así fuese...

De una discusión en AN:

"Este episodio, en mi opinión, pone de relieve una falla muy grave en el funcionamiento de Wikipedia, a saber, que ciertos usuarios que tienen un estatus elevado, el de 'administradores', pueden actuar sin impunidad".


"Los poderes del presidente para proteger a nuestro país son muy sustanciales y no serán cuestionados".
Un consejo para los históricamente ignorantes

El Presidente es simplemente el más importante entre un gran número de servidores públicos. Debería ser apoyado u opuesto exactamente en la medida en que lo justifique su buena o mala conducta, su eficiencia o ineficiencia en la prestación de un servicio leal, capaz y desinteresado a la Nación en su conjunto. Por lo tanto, es absolutamente necesario que haya plena libertad para decir la verdad sobre sus actos, y esto significa que es exactamente necesario culparlo cuando hace algo malo, como elogiarlo cuando hace algo bueno. Cualquier otra actitud en un ciudadano estadounidense es a la vez vil y servil. Anunciar que no debe haber críticas al Presidente, o que debemos apoyarlo, tenga razón o no, no sólo es antipatriótico y servil, sino que es moralmente traidor al público estadounidense. No se debe decir nada más que la verdad sobre él o cualquier otra persona. Pero es aún más importante decir la verdad, agradable o desagradable, sobre él que sobre cualquier otra persona.

— Theodore Roosevelt (1918)


Te damos gracias, Señor, por otro día sin quejas de alguien que no entiende el chiste.
Una nota para aquellos con problemas de humor

Hay que tener cuidado con aquellos que no pueden o no quieren reír cuando otros están alegres, porque si no son mentalmente defectuosos, son rencorosos, egoístas o anormalmente engreídos... Los grandes hombres de todas las naciones y de todos los tiempos han poseído una aguda apreciación de lo ridículo, ya que la sabiduría y el ingenio están estrechamente aliados.

— Leander Hamilton McCormick, Caracterología; una ciencia exacta que abarca la fisonomía, la frenología y la patognomia, reconstruida, ampliada y amalgamada... (1920)

Otra nota para aquellos con problemas de humor

La tristeza es repulsiva tanto para los sanos como para los enfermos.

— Hipócrates

Y una nota más para aquellos con problemas de humor

Por supuesto, la precisión se puede lograr mejor con un comité equipado con computadoras que con una sola inteligencia. Pero si bien la precisión es lo que establece la confianza entre el lector y el colaborador, la excentricidad, la elegancia y la sorpresa son las cualidades singulares que hacen que el aprendizaje sea una transacción atractiva. Y no son cualidades que asociemos con los comités.

Geoffrey Wolff , "Britannica 3, History Of", The Atlantic , 1974
(citado en el excelente ensayo de Ganesha811 , "A Little Fun Goes A Long Way" )






Un Limerick de ANI

Wikipedia no es para los débiles.
Necesitas una técnica para desestresarte.
Bebe té con biscotti,
ve a pescar, prueba el karate.
¿Pero guerra de edición? ¡Te bloquearé durante una semana!

Levivich (adaptado)

Este editor es un usuario de cheques.

Recursos ofrecidos:

  • Estaré encantado de proporcionar, para su uso en el desarrollo de artículos, materiales catalogados aquí (los materiales digitales son fáciles, los escaneos de copias impresas pueden llevar algún tiempo).


Porque algunos han preguntado...

  • El material de esta página tiene como objetivo aumentar el placer de otros editores al contribuir (al proporcionarles una diversión modesta que puedan disfrutar durante los descansos de la edición) o ayudarlos a convertirse en editores más efectivos (al ilustrar varios aspectos de Wikipedia como un entorno social, por ejemplo [28]).
  • En el humor basado en hechos políticos, aparecen figuras demócratas y republicanas (p. ej., [29]), aunque desafortunadamente las primeras oportunidades no surgen muy a menudo, porque, por ejemplo, Clinton y Obama no son tan divertidos como el candidato republicano. Nota: Esta sección de los Museos está cerrada temporalmente a la espera de que los castigadores aprueben material que favorezca el régimen morum .
===> Descargo de responsabilidad sincero <===

El material de esta página que aparentemente se relaciona con personas vivas o recientemente fallecidas es una sátira destinada a mejorar la experiencia de edición al brindar diversión y entretenimiento a los editores que buscan un descanso de la edición. No constituye una afirmación de hechos.

Museo de citas distorsionadas y sacadas de contexto

                                                  

EEng [es] una fuerza general para el bien.

—Llywelyn II ‍[ 30]

“Editores como EEng son muy constructivos”.

Chica de pelo castaño [ 31]

Un recordatorio para los visitantes

EEng tiene razón. No hay muchas excepciones a esta regla casi universal.

—Dondervogel_2 ‍[ 32 ]

EEng, como de costumbre, tiene razón.

—Tony Ballioni ‍[ 33]

                     Donde los ángeles temen pisar                     

Nadie se atreve a criticar a EEng.

Nfitz [ 34]

                     ¡Así es!                     

EEng (a pesar de su registro de bloqueo, que no es tan malo como parece a primera vista si lo entiendes)  ...

—Doug Weller ‍[ 35]

Una autoridad sabia, compasiva y mágica (tanto temporal como espiritual); guía misterioso y benévolo... guardián y salvador... a pesar de su naturaleza gentil y amorosa, es poderoso y puede ser peligroso....

Primergrey (a través de CS Lewis) ‍[ 36]

Mi opinión personal sobre su valor para el proyecto había estado "indecisa", pero ahora estoy recuperada.

FlightTime ‍[ 37], véase también [38]

Tenemos muchos problemas de salud mental.

—Donald Trump ‍[ 39]

EEng, para aquellos que juegan en casa, es único en Wikipedia.

Randy Kryn [ 40]

Sabio y maduro

—Candela de celemín ‍[ 41]

Experimentado y respetado

Tony Ballioni ‍[ 42]

Uno de los usuarios menos amigables y más volátiles de Wikipedia  ... una personalidad incurablemente grosera y disruptiva cuya idea de buenos modales definitivamente no está dentro de la corriente principal.

—Nido de Cuervos ‍[ 43]

Un iconoclasta cínico al estilo de Holden Caufield

—Vjmlhds ‍[ 44 ]

Tiendo a estar de acuerdo con EEng.

¿Qué estoy haciendo? [ 45]

Polla monumental  … Sí, puede ser difícil.

—Nido de cuervos ‍[ 46][47]

                                                  

Desempeñas bastante bien el papel de Wiki-bufón  ... bueno para la cordura de la comunidad.

Lepricavark ‍[ 48]

En el país de los ciegos, el tuerto es rey

EEng es una voz sabia: escuchar lo que dice es generalmente un muy buen plan.

Begoon ‍[ 49]

EEng es bien conocido por su buen humor.
- Legadopac [7]

Ley de Mgasparin : A medida que una discusión en ANI se hace más larga, la probabilidad de que EEng agregue un comentario o una imagen sarcástica se acerca a 1.

[50] (y ver también WP:Ley de Lugo )

Siempre es agradable no sentirse totalmente subestimado

Has transformado el hablar sin parar en una forma de arte no del todo desestimada.

Cullen328 [51]

EEng, quien (y estoy bastante seguro de que estará de acuerdo conmigo en esto) parece bastante incombustible y es muy capaz de escupir llamas hilarantes pero abrasadoras cuando surge la necesidad.

Cumbre de la circunferencia ‍[ 52]

¿Cómo se escribe alivio?

Es un alivio tratar con alguien en Wikipedia que tiene sentido del humor.

Un poco de aceite de oliva ‍[ 53]

Asombro sin palabras

...

Charco de azúcar 2.0 ‍[ 54]

Jesús se equivocó al afirmar que la mayoría estaría de acuerdo en que debe haber una sola bendición EEng compartida en el espacio-tiempo.

Lo que fue, será otra vez, lo que se ha hecho, se volverá a hacer; no hay nada nuevo bajo el sol.

Adán37 ‍ Eclesiastés 1:9

El Curador no entiende realmente el significado de esto último.

Ya sabes, cuando EEng habla de tomarse en serio, es, ya sabes, serio ... :-)

—Usuario:IamNotU

Un hombre conforme a mi corazón

El Dr. Codman se definía como ateo y era conocido por provocar a sus pares con exageraciones y humor.

[55]

Era un completo idiota, pero lo gracioso es gracioso.

—Lo que espero sea mi epitafio, tal como lo formuló Valereee en otro contexto. [56]

El último vestigio de vida inteligente en la Tierra no puede mantener su chequera en equilibrio

Un pequeño faro de esperanza de que, tal vez, no se hayan perdido aún todas las señales de vida inteligente en este planeta.

—92.41.96.241 ‍ [ 57]

Claramente me ha confundido con otra persona.

Un editor honorable... con los más altos estándares éticos

Dondervogel 2 ‍[ 58]

Sin temor ni favor

Sin embargo, ahora me doy cuenta de que, según lo que has escrito sobre EEng, él es así con todo el mundo, así que no debería tomármelo como algo personal.

Omnis Scientia ‍[ 59]

Algo así como Banksy con una cuenta de Wikipedia.

Randy Kryn ‍[ 60]

Lo que dicen los críticos

"Página de discusión de EEng" [8]
Nota del editor: Aunque se puede confundir fácilmente con un rollo de papel higiénico, lo que aparece arriba es en realidad un pergamino antiguo y precioso que contiene una gran sabiduría. [ cita requerida ]

Tu página de usuario es realmente épica

Altercari ‍[ 61]

La basura de uno es el tesoro de otro

Uno de los tesoros de Wikipedia

Randy Kryn ‍[ 62]

La página de discusión más grande de Wikipedia

—Tony Ballioni ‍[ 63]

"Menos aburrido"

Kurtis ‍[ 64]

"¡Divertido pero peligroso!"

Thnidu ‍[ 65]

Wikipedia debe ser el lugar más triste de la Tierra

He tenido la charla y la página de usuario de EEng en mi lista de seguimiento durante dos meses porque son los lugares más divertidos de Wikipedia.

Lavanda suave ‍[ 66]

La soportabilidad de Wikipedia pende de un hilo
.
No soy profesor de neurociencia (pero al parecer juego a serlo en Wikipedia)

EEng es un tipo divertido. Si no fuera por algún bromista como él, WP sería absolutamente insoportable... Es profesor de neurociencia en Harvard y prácticamente escribió él solo uno de los mejores artículos de la 'pedia' ( Phineas Gage )

—"krakenawakes" en WikiInAction

Creo que mucha gente de las comunidades de @Wikimedia y @Wikipedia piensa que esto es divertido, pero el editor que trabaja en Phineas Gage tiene graves problemas de salud mental.

—"Erika Herzog" (y ver [67])

Algunos cebos magistrales... por los muchos maestros cebos de Wikipedia.

—Triptópez

Un bromista pueril...

—Reyk

Prefiero tener cerca a un bromista de buen carácter en lugar de a un hombre corriente, aburrido y seco .

—El Elegante y Liso

... como ir a un buen museo  ... divertido pero inteligente  ... interesante, entretenido y educativo

Randy Kryn ‍[ 68]

Muy apreciado y extraordinariamente valioso.

—Mendaliv ‍[ 69]

Su página de usuario es posiblemente única porque te molesta, te hace reír y te sorprende, a veces todo a la vez.

Yacige [ 70]




"Esta es una página muy larga." ‍[ 72]


"infantil e irresponsable" ‍[ 74]

¡Ninguna estrella de cine es mejor que esta estrella de cine, créeme!


Página de usuario ultra cool... Después de volver a mirar esta obra de arte... me quedé sin palabras. ¡Qué hombre! ¿Y el nombre de pila del caballero podría ser Albert? EE=ng 2

—Me da vergüenza decirlo.

Una página de usuario desordenada puede significar una mente desordenada y un trabajo descuidado.

—WP:Consejos para candidatos a la RfA

Una nota para los lectores

Hemos decidido publicar esta obra, aunque no alcanza lo que debería ser y lo que habría sido si las circunstancias nos hubieran permitido dedicar más tiempo a su finalización. Somos muy conscientes de sus imperfecciones y defectos. Pero, a pesar de todos sus defectos, nos enorgullecemos de que contiene mucha información interesante y hasta ahora inédita  ...

Nuestro objetivo ha sido condensar este asunto en el menor espacio posible, sabiendo bien que, en esta era de comunicación eléctrica instantánea, muy pocos tienen la paciencia de leer grandes volúmenes.

No hemos seguido servilmente a ningún autor en particular, sino que hemos formado nuestras propias conclusiones comparando las opiniones de los diferentes autores, más de cien en número  ... Es posible que hayamos cometido algunos errores con respecto a las fechas de los acontecimientos o a los nombres de personas o partidos, pero tales errores son difícilmente evitables en una obra de tan amplio alcance.

— Hugh Quigley, La raza irlandesa en California y en la costa del Pacífico: con una disertación histórica introductoria sobre las principales razas de la humanidad y un vocabulario de apellidos irlandeses antiguos y modernos (1878)

Un extraño cruce entre el sargento instructor y el soldado Joker en Full Metal Jacket .

—La señora Pace Owl

Prefacio

Al ofrecer una obra al público, es costumbre precedirla con algunas observaciones, que generalmente se consideran a la luz de una disculpa del público... pero, como no hemos hecho nada de lo que avergonzarnos, no tenemos nada de qué disculparnos.

Gran guía ferroviaria transcontinental (Crofutt & Eaton, 1870)

¡ADVERTENCIA!

Todos saben el riesgo que corren al visitar tu página de discusión.

—Natureium

El humor de EEng puede ser como beber ginebra. La primera vez, puede que digas: "¡Uf! ¡Horrible! ¡Asqueroso!". Después de unas cuantas veces más, puede que digas: "¡Uf! ¡Repulsivo! ¡Asqueroso!".

—Usuario:Dlohcierekim

Un poco como encontrar un caleidoscopio anotado

—Un amigo de fuera de Wiki

Estos chistes los realiza un profesional capacitado; no intentes esto en casa.

Déjale los chistes a EEng. Él es divertido.

—Ojo de halcón7

¡Gran frase!

La mayoría de las personas son otras personas. Sus pensamientos son las opiniones de otros, sus vidas una imitación, sus pasiones una cita.

—Señor Oscar Wilde

...esa bienvenida combinación de a) humor absurdo que restaura la cordura y b) el potencial de hacer que un editor olvide por completo el motivo por el que fue a la página en primer lugar.

JG66 ‍[ 75]


Ensayos de usuarios que vale la pena leer

  • WP:Si MOS no necesita una regla sobre algo, entonces no necesita tener una regla sobre esa cosa.
  • WP: Ley de hierro de la ubicuidad de Infobox
  • WP: Por favor, dispárate en el pie (cf. WP: No te dispares en el pie )
  • Wikipedia:Notable pero no destacable  – ayuda solicitada
  • WP:ASSUMEGODFAITH  – En realidad, no vale la pena leerlo (todavía).
  • WP:BENOTBOLDO
  • Wikipedia:La reina Isabel se deslizó majestuosamente hacia el agua
  • WP:UBICACIÓN ¡Ubicación, ubicación, ubicación! (más WP:ESTÁN SERVIDOS)
  • WP:INTOTHEWOULDS Necesita ser dividido
  • WP:ANIFLU
  • Wikipedia:Editores que podrían confundirte WP:Editores que pueden estar confundidos
  • Wikipedia:No somos tan tontos como crees
  • Usuario: Guy Macon/Sí. Somos parciales (a favor de la ciencia y en contra de la pseudociencia, a favor de la astronomía y en contra de la astrología  ...)
  • Usuario:Physchim62/Situación Normal: Todo FACked con respecto a la disfunción del proceso FA
  • Wikipedia: No lo llames "Wiki"  – La gente que lo hace suele causar problemas
  • Ensayos que vale la pena escribir



    Plantillas útiles

    Oda a ANI

    Un buen día en mitad de la noche, / Dos muchachos muertos se levantaron para pelear,
    Espalda contra espalda se enfrentaron, / Sacaron sus espadas y se dispararon el uno al otro,
    Uno era ciego y el otro no podía ver / Así que eligieron un muñeco como árbitro.
    Un ciego fue a ver juego limpio, / Un mudo fue a gritar "¡hurra!"
    Un burro paralítico que pasaba, / Le dio una patada al ciego en el ojo,
    Lo tiró a través de una pared de nueve pulgadas, / En una zanja seca y los ahogó a todos,
    Un policía sordo oyó el ruido, / Y vino a arrestar a los dos muchachos muertos,
    Si no crees que esta historia es cierta, / ¡Pregúntale al ciego que él también la vio!

    Algunas diversiones entretenidas

    Vea también este estallido de creatividad.


    ¡Bienvenidos, nuevos editores!

    ¡Acércate, nuevo editor, para que puedas aprender de estas políticas de WP convenientemente dispuestas a mi alrededor!
    Un novato (marrón) le ofrece su talón a una patrulla de la nueva página (verde). Si no la satisface, le arrancará la cabeza de un mordisco .
    Ahora a cargo de la mesa de ayuda
    El mundo de Wikipedia
    Haz clic en él. Pero ten cuidado: ¡el archivo es enorme!


    Se le ha advertido: humor típico en esta página.

    AVISO DE DESCONOCIMIENTO DE DS

    Si viniste aquí para alertarme a DS por lo que sea, supongo que será mejor que lo hagas porque no puedo recordar qué sanciones hay para qué temas, así que solo trato de hacer lo mejor que puedo con las modestas facultades que Dios me dio.


    Un poco de historia

    Primero vinieron por las cajas de usuario ...
    El coloso del ANI sigue avanzando, sin hacer caso
    ¡Sigue sonriendo o podrías ser tú!
    ¡Bloquear! ¡Desbloquear! ¡Bloquear! ¡Desbloquear! ¡Temporada de conejos! ¡Temporada de patos! ¡FUEGO!
    Las palizas continuarán hasta que mejore la moral.
    Cuando los usuarios hacen algo que no les gusta a los administradores, pero cuando los usuarios no sólo no están de acuerdo sino que tienen la temeridad de objetar las sanciones que les imponen los administradores, ¿es esto una disidencia inaceptable contra los poderes fácticos que debe, siempre, ser reprimida por cualquier medio necesario?
    Probablemente estoy exagerando, pero creo que así es como se ve el problema a los ingenieros informáticos del mundo. Y algunos, al menos, de los ingenieros informáticos del mundo están aquí para ayudar a construir la enciclopedia. Decimos "La enciclopedia libre que cualquiera puede editar", no "La enciclopedia de la dictadura benévola que los dóciles y obedientes seguidores de las reglas pueden editar siempre que recuerden su lugar y sean siempre respetuosos con los ADMINISTRADORES". Así que, por favor, si ese no es el mensaje que quieres enviar, simplemente deja que estos usuarios se vayan. Y si quieres expulsar a un usuario del proyecto por no estar aquí para ayudar a construir la enciclopedia, hazlo por una razón más sustancial que el hecho de que el usuario se niegue a decir "tío" cuando se enfrenta a los administradores.
    Steve Summit ( discusión ) 19:46 6 feb 2015 (UTC) [78]
    Un administrador defiende uno de los cinco pilares sin hacer alarde de su autoridad.
    Y, por último, a cada administrador que dice: "Bueno, no lo habría bloqueado, pero no tengo ganas de anularlo": lo que estás tolerando es una situación en la que cada editor está a merced del administrador menos comedido y más dispuesto a disparar que se tope con una situación determinada. ¿No ves lo corrosivo que es eso? Es como todos estos recientes tiroteos policiales en EE. UU.: no importa cuán descaradamente repugnantes hayan sido las acciones de un oficial, la respuesta monolítica es "Fue según las reglas. Caso cerrado". Este [administrador] se pasó de la raya desde el principio al eliminar las publicaciones de varios editores (como alguien sugirió, el uso de sombreros habría tenido todo el sentido y no me molestó en absoluto) y cuando se lo preguntamos arriba, levanta el dedo medio LOL. No es de extrañar que tantos vean arrogancia altiva en gran parte del cuerpo administrativo de aquí.
    —EEng 05:38, 16 de enero de 2015 (UTC) [79]

    Y déjenme ser claro: no tengo ningún problema con el 97% de los administradores, que hacen un trabajo noble a cambio de (generalmente) ningún reconocimiento o un montón de quejas, solo ocasionalmente puntuadas con agradecimientos. Pero el otro 3%... ¡vaya, muchacho, cuidado!

    —EEng 20:02, 6 de febrero de 2015 (UTC) [80]

    Primer concurso anual de subtítulos

    Haz clic aquí y contribuye con el tuyo.

    Una idea muy sensata

    Propongo una "protección confirmada por exceso de extensión" según la cual solo se puede editar después de demostrar que se tienen otras cosas que hacer y que realmente se debería dedicar el tiempo a algo que no sea Wikipedia. Creo que reduciría un montón de tonterías. —Dumuzid

    La lista medio seria de EEng de temas sobre los que WP debería simplemente dejar de cubrir porque no vale la pena el drama

    Palabras tontas que nunca deberían aparecer en los artículos

    Los infractores serán sometidos a bloqueos iniciales de 24 horas, con bloqueos progresivos para infracciones posteriores. Los casos reiterados de recibir niños pueden ser castigados con la decapitación.

    Primera regla del ANI

    Sabiduría de Objective3000 [85]:

    Existe Al-anon, cocaína-anon, comida-anon, juegos-anon y alrededor de 20 más. Ahora estamos viendo una y otra vez  ... Primera regla de ANI: No manifiestes el problema en ANI.

    Brillantez de nuestros estimados colegas Levivich y Creffpublic y Guy

    Cualquiera que esté desconcertado por lo siguiente debería ver Burma-Shave#Roadside_billboards :
    DIJO EL ADMIN

    (ESTRELLA DE WIKIPEDIA)

    Este hilo es demasiado largo

    ES

    DR

    Birmania-Afeitado

    creffett

    NUEVO HILO DE ANI

    UN PROBLEMA

    AGUDO

    CERRADO SIN ACCIÓN

    "DISPUTA DE CONTENIDO"

    Birmania-Afeitado

    creffett

    HILO ADMINISTRATIVO ABURRIDO

    EENG

    SOBRE EL CASO

    IMAGEN IRREVERENTE

    OP PUESTO EN SU LUGAR

    Birmania-Afeitado

    creffett

    ¿Qué es ese olor?

    COMO ARDIR

    PLÁSTICO

    ANI

    Es fantástico

    Birmania-Afeitado

    – Leviyo

    TODOS

    ES TAN INFELIZ

    ANI

    ES REALMENTE

    DE MIERDA

    Birmania-Afeitado

    – Leviyo

    CERRAR EL HILO

    DESPUÉS DE 10k

    NADIE

    LEELO

    DE TODOS MODOS

    Birmania-Afeitado

    – Leviyo05:01, 12 de enero de 2020 (UTC)

    BURLÓN

    AVISO

    JUNTA

    INFORMES

    A ALGUNOS LES PARECE

    UN POCO

    Antideportivo

    Birmania-Afeitado

    creffpublic una franquicia de creffett (habla con el jefe) 20:34, 14 de enero de 2020 (UTC)

    HILO DEMASIADO LARGO

    LLENO DE QUEJAS

    CERRANDO AHORA

    PARA PREVENIR LAS ARCADAS

    Birmania-Afeitado

    Chico ( ¡ayuda! )

    De Wikipedia:Tablón de anuncios de administradores/Archivo323#Comentario :
    UNA VEZ QUE PRUEBES A UN SODOMITA NUNCA DIRÁS "NO, ESTA NOCHE NO" Burma-shave
    Levivich [ dudosodiscutir ] 20:08, 3 agosto 2020 (UTC)
    Ahora puedo morir feliz en la wiki. Mi vida wiki está completa. He alcanzado el nirvana wiki. E Eng 23:42, 3 de agosto de 2020 (UTC)


    Seguimiento, de una discusión en la página de Solicitudes de aclaración y enmiendas de Arbcom [86] :

    Hay tantas cosas que podrías hacer para solucionar esto, y en lugar de eso estás metiendo el dedo en el dique.

    Perdón... ¿metiendo el dedo en la OMS?
    ...al menos no es de Essex ?

    Alle-wiki-gory

    xxxx>> Archivo:Burp.opus <<xxxx Bola de fuego

    Eso es rudo
    ¡Entra en mi salón!
    Más imágenes geniales enumeradas aquí; galería en [9]
    Soy un gran fan
    ¿Alguna pregunta más?
    Una pintura del siglo XIX de una niña leyendo un periódico.
    Imágenes en vivo de Maddy de Celeste leyendo el último hilo infernal de ANI
    ¡Buen llamado!
    Colaborador incansable
    ¡Eso son despojos!
    Gracias a Atsme
    El pedante
    No interrumpas Wikipedia para ilustrar el puntillismo .
    Una salsa confiable. "Lo que es fuente para el ganso es fuente para Gandhi".
    GATO: TODOS LOS PRODUCTOS
    Si la vida te da bloqueos, haz bloqueos.

    { { Arcoiris } } p . ej . En algún lugar sobre el arcoiris

    Mi nombre es Bond. Enlace covalente.
    ¡Por favor!
    Recibirás mi factura.
    Recibirás mi factura.
    Fomentando el debate
    Cuando descubra cuál de esos pequeños imbéciles tiene la pistola, se armará un infierno.

    Carpa por día

    Lunes
    Miércoles
    Martes
    Jueves
    Sábado
    Viernes
    Domingo
    Guía para principiantes de AN/I
     : Semi Hyper Cube
    Situación normal, todo bifurcado.
    Otro día de edición.
    La discusión continúa
    Su color favorito era el granate.
    Proceso de resolución de disputas...
    ...o si lo prefieres prueba ANI.
    Arbcom, paso a paso
    ArbCom, la fase final.
    Orientación obligatoria para nuevos árbitros: “Esto te podría pasar a ti”
    En Wikimedia SF
    Un miembro retirado de Arbcom pasa la antorcha
    Apreciamos su trabajo en la limpieza de categorías.
    "Cuando las personas con mentalidad técnica y una inclinación por el orden, la coherencia y el control se dejan llevar por el celo de una cruzada de sistematización, pueden surgir situaciones desagradables". – Un compañero editor
    Después de seis meses como supervisor
    Borrador de espacio de nombres
    ¡Tengo un pincel sobre ti, cariño!
    No mires demasiado tiempo, jovencito... porque quien se pelea con los administradores debe tener cuidado de no convertirse él mismo en administrador. Y si miras mucho tiempo a ANI, ANI también te mirará a ti.

    Un poco de poesía de Atsme :

    Phineas Gage : Los últimos años
    Si tuviera que hacerlo de nuevo, no habría desperdiciado mi vida editando Wikipedia. La habría desperdiciado haciendo otra cosa.
    Algunos científicos afirman que el hidrógeno, por ser tan abundante, es el elemento básico que constituye el universo. Yo lo cuestiono. Sostengo que hay más ediciones de AWB que modifican los espacios en blanco, las categorías y las clasificaciones de importancia de los wikiproyectos que el hidrógeno, y que ese es el elemento básico que constituye el universo.
    Frank Zappa
    Sísifo , el santo patrono de los Patrulleros de Nueva Página.
    Anagrama oficial de New Page Patrol
    Nueva pagina de patrulla
    After a few weeks "helping out" at DYK
    DYK reviews underway. Original title: A group of mentally ill patients sitting around and staring.
    DYK drove him to it.
    "I'd rather cut off all my toes with a pair of scissors than spend one minute at ANI." Testimonial from an actual customer
    There is currently a discussion at ANI...
    WP:ERRORS. Original title: A group of mentally ill patients dashing about a burning room
    This editor is a mem­ber of Wiki­proj­ect Dis­mem­bered Hands
    Did you know Rover had a girlfriend?
    DYK nominations in the pipeline
    Flow is being revived...
    ... Ha! Ha! Just kidding!
    ... And Visual Editor is now required! ...
    When good faith is exhausted
    "Deletion" discussion underway at the Ancient Greek Wikipedia
    Checkusers working an SPI. Horns give direct links to Arbcom, Jimbo
    Edit (A) triggers watchlist item (B), causing undo (C) and revert notification (D), leading admin (E) to fly off the handle, tilting talkpage balance of power (F), causing diffs to be dumped on ANI (H). ANI thread (I) opens Pandora's Box (J), leading to fireworks (K) at Arbcom. Boomerang (L) gives editor WP:ROPE (M), ending in 12-hour block and smack with trout-infused napkin.[1]
    ¡Ups! ¡Falta carne!
    Nonsense!
    Some random Ned Kelly wannabe stole your Cow joke and added it to his herd for his personal gain. Watchagonadoboutit?
    April Fools at WP: Fucking hilarious

    References

    1. ^ Nowadays everything's "infused".
    Revert me and I will CURRRSE you!
    What they secretly long for
    What editors are traditionally offered at ANI
    Sensory distortion after a day at ANI
    Ahem. You got consensus for that edit?
    WP:COI editor risks topic ban – WP:RIGHTGREATWRONGS, WP:IDHT, WP:OR, etc. etc.
    Luckily the pajamas are flame-retardant.
    Uh-oh. The baby's radioactive.
    Editors maintain citation templates
    RfA reform again? You don't say!
    Just another day at ANI
    Before ANI: "Are you hot and sticky, mentally fagged?"
    During ANI
    It's ANI whether you like it or not!
    Oops! Boomerang!
    Checkuser sees all!


                                                           After ANI

    Untangling template syntax
    On the alert for hyphen/endash confusion
    <- - - - - Travails of the copyeditor - - - - ->
    Articles for Deletion
    Arbcom: Conception
    WP:POINTY
    Arbcom: Reality
    I'll show you! I'm taking it to Arbcom!
    Emergency relief program for editors
    Arbcom deliberates

    Editors eagerly prepare statements for Arbcom
    Arbcom clerks
    Block appeal tableau
    Tell me again‍—‌we're using Visual Editor why?
    Model: Wikipedia editor "A Man Inverts"
    Awaiting DYK review
    Normal editing resumes

    Wikipedia (vision, 2001)
    Congratulations! Your DYK has been approved!
    They with the fancy user signatures
    Wikipedia (reality, 2015)
    BLP-sniffing dog at work
    Desysopped!
    This image belongs to Category: Temples in various stages of decay on little islands with swans nearby
    Hanging out at WP:CFD
    RfA in progress
    Talk:MOS
    Template editor
    This sock was in one edit war too many
    Goddam offline sources!
    Request for Czech User
    Editor about to put head up ass
    "There are a few issues with your GA submission"
    Tempted into meatpuppetry
    We get it – your FA passed. Can you take it down a notch?
    Fighting vandals

    One cat who'd like less feedback, if you don't mind!
    If you want to take on metric vs. Imperial in articles, that's your business. I've got a more pleasant appointment to keep.
    What some editors think good writing should feel like to the reader: "It was tedious to write, it should be tedious to read."
    Reverted good faith edits by....
    FA Review (original title: "Monkeys as Judges of Art")
    People who forget that guidelines are to be applied with common sense
    Sock and master caught together in rare photo
    Well, I'm nominating for AfD – your move!
    You're getting the hang of this DYK thing!
    ANI on a quiet night
    Capitalization wars – see [10]
    Arbitrator resigns: "The people in these cases – meshugana!"
    I'll never understand fixing cut-and-paste moves
    Actual fix-cut-and-paste-move diagram
    Even though I'm an Arbcom member, I'm just commenting here as an average, everyday editor.
    Simplified guide to categories
    Checkuser X-ray specs
    Ha - ha! Blocked!
    These socks are a confirmed match.
    Admins maintain order while editors wrestle the wheel in random directions
    "Let's edit Wikipedia", you said. "It'll be fun", you said. Don't look now, but here come our mentors.
    Absinthe...
    ...Fonda.
    ...makes the heart grow...
    The next three images gratefully stolen from Catherine de Burgh
    Jimbo in a private moment
    Meats at the ready!
    Strong oppose
    Strong oppose   Strong oppose
    Strong oppose   Strong oppose
    I shot the Sheriff
    After the 1906 San Francisco earth­quake toppled Louis Agassiz's statue from the façade of Stanford's zoology building, Stanford President David Starr Jordan wrote that "Somebody‍—‌Dr. Angell, perhaps‍—‌remarked that 'Agassiz was great in the abstract but not in the concrete.'"
    Wistfully recalling life before Wikipedia
    Eau no!
    This administrator is available for recall
    I'm turning your talk page access off
    WP:PERENNIAL proposals
    Consensus can change!


    First patty
    Second patty
    Third patty
    Reliable third-patty sauce
    Wikipedia-related caption invited
    ¿Eh? ¿Qué te parece?
    The dashing young Ned Kelly wannabe has challenged you to a round of back alley fisticuffs. Unsurprisingly, you never stood a chance. The Australian collected his prize money and stole one of your funny pictures before running off into the outback.

    Frantic orthodoxy is never rooted in faith but in doubt. It is when we are not sure that we are doubly sure.

    Reinhold Niebuhr

    A video clip for use at ANI someday.

    Children of thee 60s talk about what Wikipedia will be like: [87] [88]

    Desirable and undesirable kinds of editors:

    Acute (desirable)
    Obtuse (undesirable)
    Compliments of User:GreenMeansGo
    Women in Red: Showcasing insufficiently covered women
    Paid participation:
    poetic perspectives

    I won't argue for fun,
    I won't argue for free,
    with someone who's paid
    to argue with me.

    Levivich


    I'll argue all day,
    I'll fight 'til I'm tired.
    At least if I lose
    I won't get fired.

    Bradv [89]
    From top: Jimbo; Arbcom; Oversighters; Admins; The Extended Confirmed; IPs

    Wikipedia is not about whining

    Wikipedia is not about whining. Complaining about editor behavior is appropriate – at a relevant noticeboard when that behavior is contrary to Wikipedia policies and guidelines and harms the project. But editors should not complain just for the sake of complaining, nor as therapy or catharsis, but to get help in guiding an errant editor back on track with the project's fundamental principles.

    If you find yourself complaining more than contributing, it might be time for a short wikibreak to clear your mind, rethink your approach, and help you come back ready to resume building the encyclopedia.

    • WP:WINING
    • WP:COOLDOWNBOCK

    Incidentally, Wikipedia is also not about wining. A glass of Lambrusco is not a reliable source, too much original research in this area may lead to habitually editing under the influence, and indefinite bocks could lead to an indefinite block. That doesn't mean, however, that the occasional pint can't help reduce wikistress, as long as editors don't become a wikiholic. This can lead to serious problems including wikihomelessness, which is of course the opposite of being a Wikipedian in residence.



    User:EEng/Principle of Some Astonishment

    Diffusing Conflict

    Diffusing conflict

    Now and then someone undertakes to "diffuse" a conflict budding somewhere in the project. Probably they really mean they want to defuse the problem, as in "remove its fuse" – like from a bomb – to avoid blow-ups. Diffusing a conflict would be to spread it over a wide area, which is presumably not the intention.

    Sometimes people write lengthy posts at WP:ANI, or propose Arbcom cases, or use the images on this page, in hopes of defusing a situation; however, the ensuing drama often means the conflict is diffused instead.

    External links

    Casting dispersions, inciteful comments, and so on

    • WP:ASSPERSIANS
    • WP:INCITEFUL
    • WP:FEARANDLOATHING
    • WP:PEDALING

    Closely related concepts include:

    (With proper care and feeding this ass-Persians gag can be milked for years.)

    Applying solutions

    • WP:DIFFUSETHEBALM

    Conflict is inevitable when dealing with other editors, so knowing how to apply the proper solution is key. When discussion looks like it's about to explode, it's important to diffuse the balm, before things get out of hand.

    Univalved administrators

    • WP:UNIVALVED
    • WP:UNEVOLVED
    • WP:CETACEANNEEDED
    • WP:TENDONITISEDITING
    • WP:NOTBURRO

    Significant coverage

    "I have now also added sauces to the page"[1]

    Guide to unappealing or appalling blocks

    • WP:APPALLING
    • WP:UNAPPEALING
    ".... and I've seen some whoppers"
    Stalkers are invited to contribute appalling or unappealing blocks to this collection (perhaps later to be broken out as its own page)
    Admins note! Important! It is unethical (and time-consuming) to go out and make an appalling block just to get something on the list!

    External links

    Fusing conflicts

    References

    1. ^ [6]

    Queen Elizabeth slipped majestically into the water

    This page is for accumulating amusing passages – real or hypothetical – made possible by referring to ships as she, and for general derision of that pretentious and stupid practice. (Ridicule of other forms of stylistic pretension is welcome as well.) It was inspired by this discussion at WT:MOS (and see also WT:Manual of Style/Archive (ships as "she") for more background).

    Queen Elizabeth slipped majestically into the water

    After Queen Elizabeth broke a bottle of champagne against the ship's gigantic bow, she slipped majestically into the water.
    She also served as the escort for Kaiser Wilhelm II aboard his yacht Hohenzollern.
    Fearing that he might lose the prize if the winds changed, Morris rammed her.
    Archibald Dickson raised his flag in her.
    She blew up the following morning.
    She measured 75 ​20⁄94 tonnes burthen and was armed with 8 small guns.
    She spent her entire career in the Channel.
    She had a long career under several distinguished commanders.
    She ran onshore off of the east end of Puerto Rico.
    Lusitania does not appear to be so lusty as the Mauretania. If Lussie doesn't hump herself and do it first she won't be in it with her big sister.
    Acasta's boats got her off. (This image is eu­phe­mis­ti­cally listed under Category:People at the beach in art.)

    Into the woulds

    • WP:INTOTHEWOULDS
    • WP:WOULDCHUCK
    Wouldy Wouldpecker

    N.B. There is an appropriate use of the "he would later" form, and that's when taking a temporary jump into the future during an otherwise chronologically linear narrative -- but to be clear, not all such cases justify the "he would later" form. Here's an example (abridged a bit here) from Statue of John Harvard:

    The commission weighed heavily on French even as the figure neared completion. "I am sometimes scared by the importance of this work. It is a subject that one might not have in a lifetime," wrote the sculptor‍—‌who thirty years later would create the statue of Abraham Lincoln for the Lincoln Memorial‍—‌"and a failure would be inexcusable."
    French's final model was ready the following May and realized in bronze by the Henry-Bonnard Bronze Company over the next several months.

    Now, technically "who thirty years later would create" could be rendered as "who thirty years later created", and it's hard to explain why exactly the former form is preferable to the latter, in this particular case. (There might be other appropriate uses as well, but your correspondent just vacuumed the house so he's too pooped to think of any.)[2]

    The following examples all lack the key component, found in the above passage, that's required to justify the "he would later" form: a temporary jump into the future. So the woulds get axed:[3]

    Closely related constructions include:

    Misc

    See also

    References

    1. ^ "The Lusitania ..." The Appleton Weekly Post. October 17, 1907. p. 6. Retrieved January 2, 2020 – via Newspapers.com. Open access icon
    2. ^ And BTW, this is also one of the very rare cases where a bit of WP:Elegant variation -- "the sculptor" -- is justified, unless the reader can see a not-awkward way of recasting the sentence to avoid it.
    3. ^ Thanks to our esteemed colleague GuardianH for this felicitous metaphor.
    4. ^ https://en.wikipedia.org/?oldid=998185328

    Did You Know ...

    The Sacred Cod in its natural habitat
    LBJ (of all people) at the helm of an Amphicar
    A sitting young man holds a microphone in his left hand while manipulating the console of an apparatus with his right. To his left a large television camera is trained on a large, circular cathode ray tube display.
    Harry Lewis with some gizmo he invented
    Jack Stiffler
    Memorial Hall

    And finally ...


    Prosaic Prelude: Strike order for atomic bombing of Nagasaki. "BOMBS: Special. RELIGIOUS SERVICES: Catholic 1830, Protestant 2300." Nagasaki was the alternate target.
    Authorial Vanity

    Every author, however modest, keeps a most outrageous vanity chained like a madman in the padded cell of his breast.

    Logan Pearsall Smith (1931). Afterthoughts.

    Fates to Avoid

    Although he did not lack friends, they were weary of coming to his defense, so endless a process it had become.

    Rider, Fremont (1944). Melvil Dewey.

    In composing...

    In composing, as a general rule, run your pen through every other word you have written; you have no idea what vigour it will give your style.

    — Sydney Smith

    That his style was ver­bose is some­thing on which both friend and foe agreed. Jack­son was a writer who, hav­ing em­barked on a sen­tence, was almost imme­di­ately seized by a new asso­ci­a­tion, which was promptly parked between dashes. Shortly after he embarked on the par­en­thet­i­cal phrase, another asso­ci­a­tion pre­sented itself, and was duly ensconced between paren­the­ses, thereby ex­haust­ing the con­ven­tion­al punc­tu­a­tion marks de­signed for em­bed­ded phrases. When anoth­er asso­ci­a­tion arose during the writing of the phrase in paren­the­ses‍—‌which was invar­i­a­bly the case‍—‌it was pre­sented in the form of a foot­note. But shortly after the begin­ning of the foot­note ... etc., etc.

    Douwe Draaisma. "Sparks from a Leyden jar: Jackson's epilepsy". Disturbances of the Mind. (Tr. by Barbara Fasting.)

    Dr. Seuss, homewrecker

    From something called Seussblog:

    This is the first book that Seuss wrote after his first wife, Helen's, death and before he married his second wife, Audrey. It was written in the winter of 1967 while he was dealing with the financial and business gaps that Helen's death left behind, and while Audrey divorced her first husband so she could marry Seuss.

    Campaigns on the Edge of a Nervous Breakdown

    I got a call this morning from the Republican National Committee. Their robot said they were contacting Donald Trump's "most steadfast supporters" for donations. Sad, really.

    Teahouse threads I didn't finish reading

    From [119]:
    Issue with Pornographic image
    Hello! As I was innocently googling “pearl necklace” for shopping purposes ...

    Everything old is new again

    Winston sank his arms to his sides and slowly refilled his lungs with air. His mind slid away into the labyrinthine world of doublethink. To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancelled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them, to use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying claim to it, to believe that democracy was impossible and that the Party was the guardian of democracy, to forget whatever it was necessary to forget, then to draw it back into memory again at the moment when it was needed, and then promptly to forget it again: and above all, to apply the same process to the process itself. That was the ultimate subtlety: consciously to induce unconsciousness, and then, once again, to become unconscious of the act of hypnosis you had just performed.

    Talk about an October surprise!

    Consider: 7 million of the 330 million people in the US have contracted Covid at some point. 7/330 = 2%, so really, the chance of contracting the virus is pretty small. The odds are against you. You have to really work at it. But through determined stupidity Trump and his coterie of morons have managed to beat the odds and get themselves infected. Way to go, team! Finally, you're making America great again! EEng 02:56, 3 October 2020 (UTC)

    So it turns out:

    And the Lord said to Moses, “Go down; for your people, whom you brought up out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves; they have turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them; they have made for themselves a molten calf, and have worshiped it and sacrificed to it,”

    Exodus 32:9-10

    A third part of thee shall die with the pestilence, and with famine shall they be consumed in the midst of thee: and a third part shall fall by the sword round about thee; and I will scatter a third part into all the winds, and I will draw out a sword after them.

    Ezekiel 5:12

    Violence does, in truth, recoil upon the violent, and the schemer falls into the pit which he digs for another.

    "The Adventure of the Speckled Band"

    EEng 07:25, 2 October 2020 (UTC)

    Recent advances in herpetology

    ... and sloths as well.
    Turns out reptiles can get it too.

    Make up your mind, will you?

    From our article James Boswell:

    Upon turning nineteen, he was sent to continue his studies at the University of Glasgow, where he attended the lectures of Adam Smith. While at Glasgow, Boswell decided to convert to Catholicism and become a monk. Upon learning of this, his father ordered him home. Instead of obeying, though, Boswell ran away to London, where he spent three months living the life of a libertine.

    When patience runs out

    [120]

    Museum of Fads 'n Fashions in Higher Education

    From our article on Thomas Hill, president of Harvard 1862–1868 [121]:

    Hill claimed to have injured his testicle while gardening, an incident that made him wary of laboratory instruction at Harvard, warning students not to exert themselves too much in their studies.

    Well, I suppose it has happened

    From "The Springfield Three", an episode of the true-crime series People Magazine Investigates:

    Talking head: Just in case it's Susie or Stacey calling, Janelle picks up the phone. But it's not either of their friends.

    Detective: It was an obscene phone call.

    Talking head: The individual would not identify himself.

    Perhaps not the best imagery

    Correspondent Yamiche Alcindor discussing Trump's tweeting compulsion on MSNBC, July 6, 2020:

    Today you think of the Washington Redskins tweet. Did he really have to send that tweet? But the president obviously couldn't help himself, he had to weigh in on this issue that really is not – it's in some ways a settled issue – the Washington Redskins likely should be changing their name. But the President can't resist and as a result you have the campaign and the White House having to circle the wagons on something they really didn't want to focus on today.

    (Think about it. Maybe read it again.)
    Don't worry....about a mile up the road[citation needed] there's a hidden cave.... allegedly.

    Unfortunate juxtaposition

    From our article on Pratt's Bottom, "a village in Greater London":

    A "bottom" in this context means a valley or hollow, and the Pratts were a noble family once seated in the area.

    Dramatic improvement

    As explained by an anchorman on MSNBC, April 23,2020:

    Today the Department of Labor announced that 4.4 additional Americans filed for unemployment claims last week.

    Museum of Downsizing

    From our article on the sainted Charles Osgood:

    When they became empty nesters, Osgood and his wife moved to a 12-room duplex on West 57th Street at 7th Avenue.

    Museum of Leadership

    For those who are wondering what leadership looks like, here's FDR before he was even sworn in:

    It is common sense to take a method and try it: If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something. The millions who are in want will not stand by silently forever while the things to satisfy their needs are within easy reach.

    Paging Prof. Boole

    Reporter Hans Nichols on MSNBC, March 26, 2020:

    It seemed to me that the president didn't think being not called Tom Brady wasn't an insult.

    Followup (Anchor Kasie Hunt on MSNBC, March 29):

    There is no reason not to think that New York is not going to need these 30,000 ventilators.

    Compare and Contrast

    'It was necessary above all to warn the House and the country of the misfortunes which impended upon us. There is no worse mistake in public leadership than to hold out false hopes soon to be swept away. The British people can face peril or misfortune with fortitude and buoyancy, but they bitterly resent being deceived or finding that those responsible for their affairs are themselves living in a fool’s paradise."
    "We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China. We have it under control. It’s going to be just fine. The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA. Stock Market starting to look very good to me! CDC & my administration are doing a GREAT job of handling Coronavirus. I think that’s a problem that’s going to go away. They have studied it. They know very much. In fact, we’re very close to a vaccine. We’re going very substantially down, not up. The 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero. We’re ordering a lot of supplies. We’re ordering a lot of, uh, elements that frankly we wouldn’t be ordering unless it was something like this. But we’re ordering a lot of different elements of medical. If we have thousands of people that get better just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work – some of them go to work, but they get better. I think we’re doing a really good job in this country at keeping it down. Anybody right now, and yesterday, anybody that needs a test gets a test. And the tests are beautiful. They are perfect just like the letter was perfect. The transcription was perfect. Right? This was not as perfect as that but pretty good. People are surprised that I understand it. Every one of these doctors said, ‘How do you know so much about this?’ Maybe I have a natural ability. Maybe I should have done that instead of running for president."

    A viewer's question on MSNBC, March 16, 2020:

    Q: I am supposed to fly commercial next week to visit my elderly parents in upstate NY, one of who is ill. Is it safe? I don't want to put this trip off because I know things will get worse.

    A: To properly answer your question we need to know (a) your parents' net worth and (b) whether you're certain you're in their wills.

    OK, that's not actually the answer that was given.
    Followup: As part of our ongoing series on natural selection at work, we give you Congressman Devin Nunes (Republican of California – see: #Devin Nunes is an Idiot a Dumb Asshole) offering helpful advice viewers of Fox News, March 16:

    There's a lotta concerns with the economy here because people are scared to go out. But I will just say one of the things you can do if you're healthy, uh, you and your family, it's a great time to just go out, go to a local restaurant. Likely you can get in easily. Ya know, let's not hurt, uh, the working people in this country that are relying on wages and tips to keep their small business going. Just don't run to the grocery store and buy $4000 of food. Go to your local pub.

    Further followup headline ("Thousands of Liberty students expected to return to campus amid coronavirus outbreak", Mar 23, 2020):

    LYNCHBURG — As the coronavirus threatens to spread across the Lynchburg region, Liberty University officials are preparing to welcome back up to 5,000 students from spring break this week ... “I think we have a responsibility to our students — who paid to be here, who want to be here, who love it here — to give them the ability to be with their friends, to continue their studies, enjoy the room and board they’ve already paid for and to not interrupt their college life,” Falwell said.

    Do not laugh!

    Read this [122] and look for the word which was probably supposed to be winch but for some reason isn't. Then if you don't know what that word means, google it. EEng 04:13, 13 January 2021 (UTC)

    Love in the Time of Cholera

    Reposting with renewed significance

    The Official Trump 2020 Campaign Song:
    Don't know much about history...
    Don't know much biology...
    Don't know much about a science book...
    Don't know much about the French I took...
    But I do know that I love you ...

    Oops

    A reflection by a guest on MSNBC's All In with Chris Hayes, March 5, 2020:

    It's sad, you know, I really would love to see a woman presindent in my lifetime, soon in my lifetime, and I think that Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, ya know, ...

    Idiom inquiry leads to metaphor musing

    From an inquiry at Quora [123]:

    Q. What is a good synonym for "panties in a bunch"?

    A. Could you explain what you mean? It could be:

    1. A bunch of panties, an indefinite number of panties held together in some way;
    2. Panties that have got bunched up, maybe in spatial conflict with other clothing or due to bodily friction;
    3. A bunch (of bananas, of hair, of tourists) which panties have somehow managed to infiltrate.

    Number 3 sounds like the most fun (they could be the Pantie Patrol, the Knicker Niche or the Thong Throng), but I think to be honest you really mean something more akin to number 2 ...

    Museum of Highly Cost-Effective Political Campaigns

    From the Joe Biden donation landing page (February 29, 2020):

    DONATE NOW TO DEFEAT DONALD TRUMP – URGENT SUPPORT NEEDED: Our country cannot take another four years of Trump. But two of our Democratic opponents outraised us last quarter, and our campaign won’t have the resources we need to win the nomination unless we raise $1,027 by midnight tonight.

    Glamorous Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

    From our bio of actor James MacArthur:

    Throughout his career, MacArthur had also found time for various other ventures. From 1959 to 1960, he partnered with actors James Franciscus and Alan Ladd, Jr. in a Beverly Hills telephone answering service.

    Easy to misread

    A clown dressed as President of the United States receives what he thinks is a Fabergé egg from the ringmaster.
    The Brit­ish Am­bas­sa­dor dressed as a clown.
    From our plot summary of the James Bond film Octopussy:

    While trying to escape from East to West Berlin, British agent 009 is fatally wounded and dies after reaching the residence of the British Ambassador, dressed as a circus clown and carrying a fake Fabergé egg.

    You've got it wrong. It was obviously not the ambassador that was dressed like a clown and carrying a fake egg. It clearly states it was his residence that was so dressed and so carrying. --A D Monroe III(talk) 01:46, 9 March 2020 (UTC)

    Museum of Multiple Diagnoses

    From our very detailed plot summary of the film Dial 1119:

    Homicidal escaped mental patient Gunther Wyckoff (Marshall Thompson) arrives by bus in Terminal City. As he gets off, he is confronted by the bus driver for stealing his Colt pistol. Wyckoff uses it to kill the driver. Delusional patient Gunther Wyckoff (Marshall Thompson) escapes from a mental institution intent on locating psychiatrist Dr. John Faron, (Sam Levene), whose testimony sent him to the asylum.

    Um, OK

    From the article Wang Laboratories:

    One major "lesson" in the book was to always remain cocked above the competition, and to always come explosively with new innovations to the products available to the public.

    Update: The above has now been removed from the article by Yngvadottir with the edit summary "Not all wangs are jerks" [124]. Ha!

    Titular characters

    A discussion at Wikipedia talk:The problem with elegant variation:

    The page currently [125] says

    There's rarely any use in pointing out when something is titular. For example:
    Batman Returns is a 1992 American superhero film directed by Tim Burton, based on the titular DC Comics character.

    For reasons that surely must be obvious, I would think that Batgirl or Catwoman would be better examples of titular characters than is Batman, unless of course we take Groucho Marx's famous comment into account. EEng 13:02, 23 November 2018 (UTC)

    Adding: when following the Groucho link, look at the very bottom of the page. EEng 02:25, 24 November 2018 (UTC)

    Good suggestion. I actually implemented it but reverted it for the moment because I want to find an example of a film or work that dosn't just have the character name as its title (as Catwoman does). Otherwise it just brings up other arguments of repetitive prose which isn't meant to be the point of the section (see the "Of the same name" debate). I'm sure good examples exist, but it's time for bed for me now... Popcornduff (talk) 14:14, 23 November 2018 (UTC)
    I'm trying to decide if you're turning the titular tables on me. EEng 16:46, 23 November 2018 (UTC)
    You know, I sometimes think this place is just awash with complete tits. Martinevans123 (talk) 20:57, 24 November 2018 (UTC)
    The linked article suggests so many winking puns that it's positively dazzling. This could keep us in business for years. EEng 22:55, 24 November 2018 (UTC)

    This just in

    Note: The opinions expressed in this section may not reflect the views of the management of this page.

    Do we need another book to tell us what we already know about how President Donald Trump is a legendary dumbass unfit to execute his duties as leader of the free world? Probably not. Are we getting one? Yes. Did I pre-order it like an absolute schmuck? Also yes. I am as God made me.

    A bit of fun from from the headline writer

    Headline in the Dundee Courier (courtesy of our good friend Arid Desiccant):

    Everybody was flung poo fighting — Carnoustie kids make mess of residential street

    Vaguely related earlier item [126]:

    The story you link, "VENEZUELAN PROTESTORS PREPARE TO LAUNCH A SHIT BOMB PROTEST", reads in part, "Now protesters have decided to organize what they are deeming the 'shit march.' A flyer circulating on social media reads, 'They have gas; we have excrement'... Parts of the Venezuelan military have already begun to defect and join the protesters."

    (At first I thought it said defecate and join the protesters.)

    Ooh! Ouch!

    From a review of the film Atlas Shrugged: Who is John Galt?:

    Rand's parable is meant to showcase just how much our world needs the best of us, but this adaptation only does so accidentally – by revealing what movies would be like if none of the best of us worked on them.

    Message received

    From our article 1881 Gate:

    The 1881 Gate, or Class of 1881 Gate forms part of the perimeter of Harvard Yard in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Its inscription invites students to "come within its gates, in order that in whole-hearted service to the truth, they may enter into life and so be free". The gate has been locked for many years.

    The Visual Display of Quantitative Information

    Bar chart
      Duffy's Tavern (13%)
      White Horse (15%)

    Museum of Excruciatingly Narrow Categories

    From the image description page for File:Bugs Bunny statue in Butterfly Park Bangladesh (01).jpg:

    Valued image: This image has been assessed under the valued image criteria and is considered the most valued image on Commons within the scope: Statue evoking Bugs Bunny at Butterfly Park Bangladesh.

    Welcome to the Museums

    Visitors to The Museums are encouraged to add droll codas, possibly with evocative yet enigmatic double-entrendre wikilinks, to the items on display (though these will of course be subject to the discretion of The Curator).

    Museum of I Didn't Know that was Biologically Possible

    From our article on computer pioneer Andrew Donald Booth (inventor of, among other things, Booth's algorithm):

    Booth married mathematician and computer engineer Kathleen H. V. Britten; during 1947–1953 they produced three computing machines together.

    Here is the page two years later. Time flies.

    Museum of Headlines You Don't See Every Day

    From the South Africa Times for September 27, 2010:

    Former cops guilty of penis size murder

    Related item, from something called the Digital Journal, November 23, 2012:

    Woman attempted to murder boyfriend with DD breasts

    Museum of Really, Really Progressive Prison Policies

    From our article on mass murderer Jeremy Bamber:

    In 2001 The Times alleged that he had been treated with indulgence at Long Lartin Prison, Worcestershire, where prisoners were given the key to their cells.

    Museum of Solemn Occasions

    From our article on Operation London Bridge, the codename for the plans in place in the UK and the various Commonwealth nations for what will happen when Queen Elizabeth dies (as the old gal will, presumably, do sooner or later):

    Radio New Zealand (RNZ), the state-radio broadcaster, has a set of guidelines and instructions in the event of the death of the monarch of New Zealand. Across all RNZ stations, broadcasters will break regular programming to announce the death of the Queen, with rolling coverage to begin when ready. RNZ stations are instructed not to play punk music, or songs from Queen during this period.

    (Queen I get, but how did punk music get into the equation?)
    (I suspect like this.)

    Museum of Possibly Overcomplicated Plots

    Just a small fragment of our plot summary for the film The Cassandra Crossing:

    Mackenzie understands that the bridge might collapse as the train passes over it. The presence of the infected terrorist, and the rerouting of the train, precipitates the second conflict, among passengers on the train; they include Jonathan Chamberlain, a famous neurologist, his ex-wife Jennifer Rispoli Chamberlain, Holocaust survivor Herman Kaplan, and Nicole Dressler, the wife of a German arms dealer. She is embroiled in an affair with her young companion Robby Navarro. Navarro is a heroin trafficker being pursued by Interpol agent Haley, who is travelling undercover as a priest.

    History is watching

    Curator's note: Before you lecture me about BLP or NPOV or any of that, ask yourself which fucking side of history you plan to be on, because this isn't about tax cuts or tariffs or Confederate statues anymore.
    In honor of Donald Trump's impending impeachment, The Curator of The Museums has assembled this special retrospective of sociopathy, demagoguery, criminality, and just plain ignorance and stupidity.

    Yes indeed, let's read the transcript

    President Zelensky: Yes you are absolutely right not only 100%, but actually 1000% and I can tell you the following; I did talk to Angela Merkel and I did meet with her. I also met and talked with Macron and I told them that they are not doing quite as much as they need to be doing on the issues with the sanctions. They are not enforcing the sanctions. They are not working as much as they should work for Ukraine. It turns out that even though logically, the European Union should be our biggest partner but technically the United States is a much bigger partner than the European Union and I'm very grateful to you for that because the United States is doing quite a lot for Ukraine. Much more than the European Union especially when we are talking about sanctions against the Russian Federation. I would also like to thank you for your great support in the area of defense. We are ready to continue to cooperate for the next steps specifically we are almost ready to buy more Javelins from the United States for defense purposes.

    The President: I would like you to do us a favor though because our country has been through a lot and Ukraine knows a lot about it. I would like you to find out what happened with this whole situation with Ukraine, they say Crowdstrike ... I guess you have one of your wealthy people ... The server, they say Ukraine has it. There are a lot of things that went on, the whole situation. I think you're surrounding yourself with some of the same people. I would like to have the Attorney General call you or your people and I would like you to get to the bottom of it. As you saw yesterday, that whole nonsense ended with a very poor performance by a man named Robert Mueller, an incompetent performance, but they say a lot of it started with Ukraine. Whatever you can do, it's very important that you do it if that's possible.

    Museum of There's Really No End to Donald Trump's Stupidity, in Matters Great and Small

    Donald Trump explaining why an American diplomat's wife was driving on the wrong side of the road when she killed a young man in England:

    I believe it was going down the wrong way because that happens in Europe. You go to Europe and the roads are opposite.

    Donald Trump, you sure are the prince of stupid dumbfucks.

    Museum of John Adams Weeps

    "During Adams' second day in the house, he wrote a letter to his wife Abigail, containing a prayer for the house. Adams wrote: 'I pray Heaven to bestow the best of blessings on this House, and all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May none but honest and wise men ever rule under this roof.'"

    Museum of John of Salisbury

    From [127]:
    To confer honor on the unwise is to subvert the life of the republic. And it is impossible that one governs usefully when one is subverted by one's own errors ... An unwise king is the ruin of his people.

    Museum of 1984

    This exhibit has been returned to the top of the pile today in honor of the departure of Chief Assistant Presidential Liar Sarah Sanders:
    "How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?""Four.""And if the Party says that it is not four but five – then how many?"
    "What you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening."

    Museum of Liars, Cheats, Thieves, Traitors, and Murderers

    * "After my heavily negotiated trip to Saudi Arabia last year, the Kingdom agreed to spend and invest $450 billion in the United States. This is a record amount of money."
    ** "The discussions that took place with the citizen / Jamal Khashoggi during his presence in the Consulate of the Kingdom in Istanbul by the suspects did not go as required and developed in a negative way"


    Political language ... is designed to make lies* sound truthful and murder** respectable. —Orwell


    "By their smirks ye shall know them." —Matthew 7:16

    Museum of Demagogues

    Adapted from our article "Demagogue":
    "I will tell you what has carried me to the position I have reached. Our po­lit­i­cal problems appeared com­pli­ca­ted. The people could make nothing of them. I, on the other hand, reduced them to the simplest terms. The mass­es realized this and followed me."
    First they came for the Mueller report ...


    A demagogue gains and holds power by exciting the passions of the lower classes and less-educated people in a democracy toward rash or violent action, breaking established democratic institutions such as the rule of law. James Fenimore Cooper in 1838 identified four fundamental characteristics of demagogues:

    1. They fashion themselves as a man or woman of the common people, opposed to the elites.
    2. Their politics depends on a visceral connection with the people, which greatly exceeds ordinary political popularity.
    3. They manipulate this connection, and the raging popularity it affords, for their own benefit and ambition.
    4. They threaten or outright break established rules of conduct, institutions, and even the law.

    The central feature of the practice of demagoguery is persuasion by means of passion, shutting down reasoned deliberation and consideration of alternatives. While many politicians in a democracy make occasional small sacrifices of truth, subtlety, or long-term concerns to maintain popular support, demagogues do these things relentlessly and without self-restraint. Demagogues "pander to passion, prejudice, bigotry, and ignorance, rather than reason."

    Demagogues have arisen in democracies from Athens to the present day, but their psychological tactics have remained the same throughout history:

    Museum of The Walls Closing In

    There's a wall like this in your future, Mr. President, and no need for Mexico to pay for it!
    Sieg heil!

    The beautiful laws and substances of the world persecute and whip the traitor. He finds that things are arranged for truth and benefit, but there is no den in the wide world to hide a rogue. Commit a crime, and the earth is made of glass. Commit a crime, and it seems as if a coat of snow fell on the ground, such as reveals in the woods the track of every partridge and fox and squirrel and mole. You cannot recall the spoken word, you cannot wipe out the foot-track, you cannot draw up the ladder, so as to leave no inlet or clew. Some damning circumstance always transpires.

    —Emerson

    Unsurprising followup: "Trump announces support for bipartisan prison reform."

    Museum of Delusional Alternative Realities

    "What I appreciate about President Trump, Jake, and why I'm there, as opposed to the million other places I could be, is because he is somebody who has always welcomed, accepted, if not expected, dissenting viewpoints, disagreements."
    "While he spends much of his average day in scheduled meetings, events, and calls, there is time to allow for a more creative environment that has helped make him the most productive President in modern history ... It's indisputable that our country has never been stronger than it is today under the leadership of President Trump."
    See Spot. See Spot run. Run, Spot, Run!

    Followup: You can say that again!

    "President Trump has a different leadership style than his predecessors and the results speak for themselves."

    Even-More-Delusional Alternative Realities

    From Business Insider, June 30, 2020:

    White House press secretary insists that Trump "does read" and "is the most informed person on planet earth when it comes to the threats that we face". McEnany's claim that Trump is "the most informed person on planet earth" comes nearly two months after she vowed during her first White House press briefing that she would "never lie" to the public.

    Museum of the Divine Right of Kings

    Before "zero-tolerance", families of future criminals remained together.
    Under "zero tolerance" children are sep­a­rat­ed from their parents for their own good.
    "And some, I assume, are good people."
    In this still from a home video by First Lady Melania Trump, presidential advisor Steven Miller (center), Attorney General Jeff Sessions, Chief of Staff John Kelly, and sometime advisor Steve Bannon discuss "zero tolerance" policy. Trump was on the crapper tweeting.
    Trump visits Hill Republicans
    "You also had some very fine people on both sides."
    "They don’t care about crime and want illegal immigrants, no matter how bad they may be, to pour into and infest our Country" (Żydzi Wszy, Typhus Plamisty = "Jews are lice; they cause typhus")



    U.S.A. was having trouble / What a sad, sad storyNeeded a new leader to restore / Its former gloryWhere, oh, where was he? / Where could that man be?We looked around / and then we found / The man for you and me


    "I will tell you what has carried me to the position I have reached. Our po­lit­i­cal problems appeared com­pli­ca­ted. The people could make nothing of them. I, on the other hand, reduced them to the simplest terms. The mass­es realized this and followed me."–Adolf Hitler
    Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
    With conquering limbs astride from land to land; / Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
    A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame / Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
    Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
    Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command / The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
    “Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she / With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
    Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, / The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
    Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, / I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

    –Probably some stupid Democrat
    Back to your shithole countries, fuckwads!
    The soulless, dead eyes of the psychopath
    "Stephen actually enjoys seeing those pictures at the border," an outside White House adviser said. "He’s a twisted guy, the way he was raised and picked on. There’s always been a way he’s gone about this. He’s Waffen-SS."
    "If someone at the jail takes your wallet, they give you a receipt. They take your kids, and you get nothing? Not even a slip of paper?"
    Here are some tried-and-true solutions, Mr. President. Your Nazi friends will be happy to explain.
    Not to brag, but I just finished this jigsaw puzzle in only one week. The box said 2–4 years![1]
    "A degenerate imbecile and child-abducting sadist"[2]

    References

    1. ^ I stole this from somewhere on the net.
    2. ^ David Bentley Hart, NYT Sunday Review, July 15, 2018, pp. 1,4–5

    Meet the Family

    Sonny
    "The hothead"
    Michael
    "Nice college boy"
    Carlo
    "Give him a living but never discuss the family business with him."
    Connie
    "Married badly"
    Tom Hagen
    "Not a wartime consigliere"
    Clemenza
    "Leave the hideous necklace. Take the Suave Split End Rescue."
    Luca Brasi
    "Swims with the sharks"

    Back to where you came from

    Back to where you came from, Donald Trump.

    Back to the land of your forefathers, you pussy-grabbing child-rapist–consorting racist psychopath.
    The old courtroom's still available, so that will be convenient when the time comes.
    Don't worry, Mike Pence (seen here visiting border camps with race theorist Stephen Miller) will handle things while you're gone.
    Be sure to say hi to your dad's old pals before you go.

    Museum of Foreign Exchange Rates

    In the end, Congress will trade the President for less than two pence.

    Museum of Cause and Effect

    From Morey Amsterdam:

    After being caught in the middle of a gunfight, Amsterdam moved to California and worked writing jokes.

    The Tragedy of the Commas

    From Indian Rebellion of 1857:

    Violence, which sometimes betrayed exceptional cruelty, was inflicted on both sides, on British officers, and civilians, including women and children, by the rebels, and on the rebels, and their supporters, including sometimes entire villages, by British reprisals.

    From Honan Chapel:

    Klimt's influence is evident in the central panel's flatness, and how, using only the subject's face and hands, Clarke evokes, according to Kelly, "three-dimensional human expression", with all other details, including her robes, and the floral background, existing on a separate "two dimensional flat plain".

    From [128], a summary of the opening scenes of the classic Goodbye, Mr,. Chips:

    Due to a cold, retired schoolteacher, Mr Chipping misses a first-day assembly at Brookfield public school for the first time in 58 years.

    Shame on that cold, retired schoolteacher for making Mr. Chipping miss assembly for the first time in 58 years!

    Museum of Refreshing Candor

    From the recorded announcement one hears when calling a major electric utility:

    For your convenience, our website now has even more self-serving features.

    Museum of The Shocking Truth Can Finally Be Told

    From Lost in Space:

    Lost in Space was the favorite show of John F. Kennedy, Jr. while growing up in the 1960s.

    Museum of brilliant strategies

    From "The Preacher's Secret", an episode of the true-crime series Murder Board:

    Talking head: This was not a suicide. Amy Allwine died by someone else's hand, and this in fact was murder.

    Narrator: The investigators quickly focused on who could have killed her.

    Museum of Lives Well Lived

    From our article Edith Rosenbaum:

    Edith Louise Rosenbaum Russell (June 12, 1879 – April 4, 1975) was an American fashion buyer, stylist and correspondent for Women's Wear Daily, best remembered for surviving the 1912 sinking of the RMS Titanic with a music box in the shape of a pig.

    Museum of Defying Aristotle

    The results of a recent poll:

    The ideas expressed in Trump's tweets were:

    Racist – 48%
    Not racist – 34%
    Neither – 18%

    There will always be an England

    From our article on Hindhead Tunnel, "part of the 6.5 km (4.0 miles) dual-carriageway Hindhead bypass":

    A tree carved with the image of a naked lady in its bark in 1943 was preserved with a small adjustment to the tunnel access boundary.

    And their buffet is to die for!

    From our list of "Notable people who left suicide notes":

    John Noble—Las Vegas resident who left a 270-page note with a table of contents and a 2-hour DVD before shooting himself at the M Resort buffet after having a "free buffet for life" prize rescinded by the resort due to his subsequent behavior there. [129]

    Museum of Demagogues Pt. 2

    [A] dangerous ambition more often lurks behind the specious mask of zeal for the rights of the people than under the forbidden appearance of zeal for the firmness and efficiency of government. History will teach us that the former has been found a much more certain road to the introduction of despotism than the latter, and that of those men who have overturned the liberties of republics, the greatest number have begun their career by paying an obsequious court to the people; commencing demagogues, and ending tyrants.

    –Federalist Papers 1

    Museum of Dr. Seuss Meets the WMF

    I AM FRAM. FRAM I AM.
    THAT FRAM-I-AM! THAT FRAM-I-AM! I DO NOT LIKE THAT FRAM-I-AM!
    WOULD YOU LIKE A BAN OF FRAM? DOWN ENWIKI'S THROAT TO RAM?
    WOULD YOU BAN HIM FOR A YEAR? ISSUE RATIONALES UNCLEAR? PERHAPS TRANSPARENCY YOU FEAR?

    Museum of Creative Cruelties

    From John Hervey, 7th Marquess of Bristol:

    The Marquess, who had been jailed for jewel theft in his youth, was harsh towards his eldest son, according to friends of the latter. He did not show John any love or affection, and was emotionally distant to the extent that John was required to wear long white gloves during dinner.

    Followup from the same article:

    While accompanying his secretary Angela Barry, he crash-landed the helicopter in a field, and walked to the nearest farmhouse, demanding to use the phone while leaving mud everywhere.

    Museum of Trump is So Fucking Stupid He Inhabits a Special Galaxy of Fucking Stupid All His Own

    From Donald Trump's celebration (July 4, 2019) of American patriots' triumph in their struggle to throw off the British yoke:

    The Continental Army suffered a bitter winter of Valley Forge, found glory across the waters of the Delaware and seized victory from Cornwallis at Yorktown. Our Army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over airports, it did everything it had to do and at Ft. McHenry under the rocket’s red glare had nothing but victory. When dawn came, the star-spangled banner waved defiant.

    Of course, Ft. McHenry was the War of 1812, but what you expect from the Dumbfuck-in-Chief? Readers may want to try spotting other minor anachronisms for themselves.


    The number of historical errors is just extraordinary. The White House has an office of speechwriting, with lots of researchers and interns, and they fact-check things, and there are only three possibilities for that level of transcendental stupidity to take place. One is that that office is completely filled with people with room-temperature IQs; another is that all the procedures have fallen apart and they don't exist anymore; and the third possibility is it sprang from the brain of Donald Trump, and that is deeply, deeply disturbing.

    Craig Unger

    Museum of Life Imitates Art

    From "Park Service diverts $2.5 million in fees for Trump’s Fourth of July extravaganza" (Washington Post, July 2, 2019):

    The Pentagon has referred virtually all questions about the celebration and the military’s involvement to the White House — a function, officials said, of the president’s desire to have some surprises during the event.

    • "As you know the premiere loves surprises."

    Museum of Trump Family Values

    Excerpted from [130]:

    Acting Defense Secretary Patrick Shanahan has withdrawn himself from the confirmation process, effectively stepping down from the role. His confirmation was delayed by a lengthy FBI investigation into a decade-old domestic abuse allegation, according to reports.

    In 2010, Shanahan’s now former wife Kimberley Jordinson was arrested for allegedly punching him in the face. At the time, she reportedly told police that Shanahan had punched her. In a separate incident, Shanahan’s son was arrested for allegedly hitting his mother with a baseball bat.

    President Trump made the announcement on Twitter Tuesday, writing: “Acting Secretary of Defense Patrick Shanahan, who has done a wonderful job, has decided not to go forward with his confirmation process so that he can devote more time to his family.”

    Museum of That's What We Call a "Clue"

    From "Evil in the House of the Lord", an episode of the true-crime program A Stranger in My Home:

    Narrator: As firefighters enter the burning church, they make an alarming discovery.

    District attorney: They clearly suspected arson, because of the gas cans stacked by the front door.

    Followup, from "The Bad Apple", an episode of Fatal Vows:

    Narrator: The police go straight to the orchard, just a quarter mile from the house.

    Detective: Once they removed the carpet from him, and there were five bullet holes in his torso, we believed it was a homicide investigation.

    Museum of The Mysterious East

    The precise and exact wording found in the training materials for a major airline's international flight crews:

    JAPAN ... Gestures: A waving hand from side to side in front of the face usually means "No, thank you". Remember that laughter does not always mean joy or amusement; it can also be a sign of embarrassment or distress. Japanese women often cover their moths when laughing, giggling, or smiling.

    See also: List of moths of Japan

    Museum of Well In That Case, He's the Man For You

    MSNBC reporter Mike Memoli, May 13, 2019:

    And so what we're seeing here is Joe Biden in New Hampshire, a state that really likes to touch and feel its candidates.

    Museum of Great Teachers

    From "Theodore Baird, Amherst professor of composition for 42 years; at 95", The Boston Globe, December 24, 1996:

    Each September, he explained his philosophy to his students: "Your teacher does not exist to give you the answers. His function is to ask questions, and if by inadvertence he should ever chance to tell you something, you should immediately turn the questioning on him. Whatever answers you reach in this course, they will be your own."

    Museum of "Ha! Ha! Made you look!"

    From a retired Wikipedian who discovered dealing with unruly children was more exciting...

    "During Euro 2004 I painted the England flag on my tits in support of my country. WARNING if you are the sort of person who is easily offended by naked tits do not click on the following link." Image:Now that's a great pair of tits.jpg

    Followup tweet

    Terrible about Notre Dame but hopefully football program will continue. Use exhibition games to raise repair money! #GoIrish

    Museum visitor reactions

    Oof.

    Cards84664

    Not a Moment Too Soon, Apparently

    "Retiring as a Judge, Trump’s Sister Ends Court Inquiry Into Her Role in Tax Dodges"

    A Lesson for Our Time

    Most of you will have heard of this, at some time or another, in summary form, but this video brings it home much more effectively. I urge you all to watch it in its entirety: [131].

    Four seconds before 12:34, the "1234" stops for the third time since starting thirty seconds before 12:34. That's my synopsis and my review. Thanks for recommending this "fine" Yale film. InedibleHulk (talk) 05:14, March 31, 2019 (UTC)
    I'm not following you but I'm sure we can agree it's electrifying. EEng 04:15, 16 April 2019 (UTC)

    The Plot Thickens

    From our article Emu War:

    With the onset of the Great Depression in 1929, these farmers were encouraged to increase their wheat crops, with the government promising—and failing to deliver—assistance in the form of subsidies. In spite of the recommendations and the promised subsidies, wheat prices continued to fall, and by October 1932 matters were becoming intense, with the farmers preparing to harvest the season's crop while simultaneously threatening to refuse to deliver the wheat.

    The difficulties facing farmers were increased by the arrival of as many as 20,000 emus.

    Also note the article's Template:Infobox historical event (shown here) which includes the datum: "Participants – Emus"

    Museum of Devin Nunes is an Idiot a Dumb Asshole

    Sorry your feelings were hurt, snowflake.

    Headline: "Devin Nunes Sues Twitter for Allowing Accounts to Insult Him"

    Just to repeat: Devin Nunes is truly an idiot a dumb asshole.
    Please note: in response to feedback from other editors, and in keeping with our Biographies of Living Persons policy, which requires the highest standards of accuracy and quality sourcing, the word idiot above has been changed to dumb asshole.

    Museum of No Kidding, I'm Serious This Time

    From "The Sniffing Revenge", an episode of the true-crime series Forensic Files. Tests have confirmed that the funny-smelling milk in Dorothy's fridge has been poisoned:
    Narrator: Dorothy accused Richard of placing the selenium in her milk during his visit. When confronted with the evidence, Richard confessed. In return, Dorothy refused to press charges against Richard.
    Talking head: He had to admit, "Yes I did do this." And he was sent into anger counseling. When he came out of anger counseling he made another attempt, which he denied. And that was when Dorothy confronted him and just told him, "You make any more attempts on me, or anybody in my family, and I'm gonna have you taken away in handcuffs."

    Museum of Lessons Unlearned

    The words of a President have an enormous weight and ought not to be used indiscriminately.

    — "Silent Cal"

    Museum of Maybe Wikipedia Should be Censored After All

    Museum of I Guess He Missed That Particular Lecture

    From "Two in a Million", an episode of the true-crime series Forensic Files. Detectives are narrowing down the field of suspects:

    And investigators learned that Dana had some character flaws. Apparently, he had plagiarized a term paper in his business ethics class.

    Today on Capitol Hill

    "Acting" Attorney General Matt Whitaker testifies before the House Judiciary Committee
    Rudy Giuliani observes from the gallery.
    Committee Chairman Jerrold Nadler questions the witness.

    Museum of Adjustments

    From 55 Broadway:

    Halfway along the north and east facades are a matched pair of sculptures, Day and Night by Jacob Epstein. The modernism and graphic nakedness of these sculptures created public outrage on their unveiling ... In the end, Epstein agreed to remove 1.5 inches from the penis of the smaller figure on Day and ultimately the furore died down.

    Museum of the only person on the planet not painfully aware that Donald J. Trump is such a dumbfuck moron that truly world-beating dumbfuck morons want to be near him so they can seem intelligent by comparison

    "Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart."
    World-beating dumbfuck morons gather to bask in the glow of Donald J. Trump's unparalleled dumbfuckery.

    Museum of Laughter is the Best Medicine

    Medical mirth from the New England Journal of Medicine (With thanks to User:Tryptofish):

    Mediastinal Emphysema after a Sax Orgy

    To the Editor: We recently cared for a 24-year-old man admitted to the emergency room with symptoms of substernal chest discomfort, breathlessness, difficulty swallowing, and change in speech. The patient stated that he had been well until the evening before admission, when he first noticed these symptoms after three hours of vigorous saxophone playing.

    Museum of You Raise a Good Point

    From a 1990 (?) letter to The Straight Dope:

    Dear Cecil:

    In reading through your column "Vegetarians Go Ape," I noticed an unusual fact that you seemed to expose with great confidence. You stated that "Jane Goodall established more than twenty years ago that wild chimpanzees kill other animals once in a while and eat the meat with relish." I question the accuracy of this. Where would wild chimpanzees obtain relish?

    — Guru Singh Khalsa, Los Angeles

    Note: In the source, this letter was labelled "There's one in every crowd."

    Museum of National Emergencies

    C'mon Donald, light my fire!
    From the article Reichstag Fire Decree:

    Seizing on the burning of the Reichstag building as the supposed opening salvo in a communist uprising, the Nazis were able to throw millions of Germans into a convulsion of fear at the threat of Communist terror ... Within hours of the fire, dozens of Communists had been thrown into jail. The next day, officials in the Prussian Ministry of the Interior, which was led by Hermann Göring, discussed ways to provide legal cover for the arrests. Ludwig Grauert, the chief of the Prussian state police, proposed an emergency presidential decree under Article 48 of the Weimar Constitution, which gave the president the power to take any measure necessary to protect public safety without the consent of the Reichstag.

    Enemas of the State

    Giving new meaning to the phrase "Stalinist purge":

    A 365-kilogram (805-pound) brass statue of a syringe enema bulb held aloft by three angels stands in front of the "Mashuk" spa in the settlement of Zheleznovodsk in Russia. It is the only known monument to the enema.

    Museum of John Stuart Mill

    As quoted by Cody Fenwick in "This 19th-century philosopher perfectly explained the phenomenon that keeps Trump fans so devoted to the disastrous president":

    So long as opinion is strongly rooted in the feelings, it gains rather than loses instability by having a preponderating weight of argument against it. For if it were accepted as a result of argument, the refutation of the argument might shake the solidity of the conviction; but when it rests solely on feeling, worse it fares in argumentative contest, the more persuaded adherents are that their feeling must have some deeper ground, which the arguments do not reach; and while the feeling remains, it is always throwing up fresh intrenchments of argument to repair any breach made in the old.

    Museum of Little Liar Working for the Big Liar

    Character counts, Matt!
    Headline: "Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker falsely claimed on his resume and on government documents that he was named an Academic All-American when he played football at the University of Iowa..."

    To what purpose then require [confirmation by] the Senate? ... It would be an excellent check upon a spirit of favoritism in the President, and would tend greatly to prevent the appointment of unfit characters ... He would be both ashamed and afraid to bring forward ... candidates who had no other merit than that of coming from the same State to which he particularly belonged, or of being in some way or other personally allied to him, or of possessing the necessary insignificance and pliancy to render them the obsequious instruments of his pleasure. – Hamilton

    Museum of Abrupt and Intrusive Visitors

    A Yuletide poem for the cognoscenti:

    The children were nestled
    All snug in their beds
    While visions of tamping irons
    Went through their heads.

    <Poet bows, acknowledges applause>

    Museum of Eloquence in the Age of Trump

    A recent message left on The Curator's talk page:
    Anti-American socialist vermin like you should have their balls cut off and forced down their throat.
    Commie fag — Preceding unsigned comment added by Pilesabuse (talk • contribs) 13:04, 23 December 2018 (UTC)

    Museum of History Repeats Itself

    The Teflon "Don" on his way to prison
    The man who sent him there

    Museum of Damsels in Distress

    From "CITY NEWS IN BRIEF", The Washington Post, September 12, 1915, p. 19:

    Blanks have been sent out by F. J. Brunner, member of the harbor squad of the police force, who has been instructing policemen and others in life-saving in the water, for a special series of contests in lifesaving to be held at the municipal bathing beach, near the Monument, September 15. The contests will be by teams, who must demonstrate the breaking of holds and the towing of supposedly drowning persons to safety by various methods. A feature of the contests will be the rescuing of women completely dressed.

    Museum of What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Part 3)

    From an episode of the true-crime series Forensic Files:

    Ward and Diana Maracle were respected members of the community. Ward's Gas Bar, the Maracle's business – a gas station with a restaurant attached – had always been a prosperous business. At night, they also operated a check-cashing business out of their home.

    Museum of Behind Closed Doors

    From our surprisingly PG article on Leopold von Sacher-Masoch:

    On 9 December 1869, Sacher-Masoch and his mistress Baroness Fanny Pistor signed a contract making him her slave for a period of six months, with the stipulation that the Baroness wear furs as often as possible, especially when she was in a cruel mood.

    For further information, consult such sources as Tawdry Knickers and Other Unfortunate Ways to Be Remembered.

    Museum of Yale, eat your heart out!

    Curator's note: This film, Mystery Street: Murder at Harvard (1950, dir. John Sturges – not his best by any means) is remarkable for having (a) no mysterious street, and (b) no murder at Harvard (though Harvard's "Dr. McAdoo" helps solve it). It does, however, feature Ricardo Montalban as (AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) "Detective Morales" of the Barnstable Police Department.
    The trailer [132] is well worth watching from the beginning. "Here, in this room, is the answer!", the narrator bellows as the young Montalban withdraws his arm from a birdcage where Elsa Lanchester, who chews up the scenery as a scheming landlady, has hidden the crucial clue. The "exciting scenes" filmed "in and around Harvard University" include – sorry, these aren't in the trailer – an impossible shot of a car pulling up to a vacant parking meter – in Harvard Square! – directly in front of Johnston Gate!! Then for several minutes "Detective Morales" and his partner, lugging a box of bones, seek in vain the "Department of Forensic Medicine", fashion-plate Harvard men misdirecting them first to Harvard Hall, then Sever, then Widener, then Austin. When they finally realize they're in entierly the wrong city, and head over to Harvard Medical School in Boston, as luck would have it there's parking available right there on Longwood Avenue as well.
    Historical note: In the brief shot at 0m30s, Montalban is chasing the bad guy along the platform of Trinity Place Station into the Boston and Albany Railroad's Back Bay railyard, which is now the site of the Prudential Center.

    Museum of Unfortunate Cognates

    At right, an image from our article on Proselytism. ("Lies!" is German for "Read!"):




    Curator's note: My favorite cognate is "Gift". Do not ever offer a German visitor a gift ("Here, have some tea. I have a little gift for you") because "Gift" is German for "poison".

    Museum of Duty and Remembrance

    "American Marines in Belleau Wood" (Georges Scott, 1918)
    Americans who died at Belleau Wood are buried at nearby Aisne-Marne American Cemetery.

    Bone-spur sufferer Donald Trump did not attend the ceremonies at Belleau Wood marking the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I, because it was raining. Oh wait! He also didn't attend Veterans Day ceremonies at Arlington National Cemetery. Too busy tweeting, no doubt.



    Visitors to the Museum are asked to take a moment to read the story of Lionel de Jersey Harvard (left) and his younger brother Kenneth O'Gorman Harvard (right).


    Maybe check my instruction book, Donald dahling.


    Bonus fact: Trump is so stupid that he confuses the Baltics with the Balkans. His wife, of course, was born in Slovenia but in fairness it's possible there was no return address on the crate she came in. Not that he knows where Slovenia is anyway.

    Museum of Unexpected Citations

    Principal investigators of the Desperate Housewives Research Institute
    A citation added by one of our finest editors, David Eppstein, to our article on Rounding:

    Isaiah Lankham, Bruno Nachtergaele, Desperate Housewives (season 5): Linear Algebra as an Introduction to Abstract Mathematics. World Scientific, Singapur 2016, ISBN 978-981-4730-35-8, S. 186.

    Museum of Misplaced Modifiers

    From the article Richard Feynman (with thanks to Atsme):

    He noted that Feynman's eccentricities included a refusal to brush his teeth, which he advised others not to do on national television.

    In other news ...

    From the article Hugo Black:

    Shortly after Black's appointment to the Supreme Court, Ray Sprigle of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette wrote a series of articles revealing Black's involvement in the Klan, for which he won a Pulitzer Prize.

    Wrong side of the law

    From "Killer Night Out", an episode of the true-crime series The Lake Erie Murders:

    Facing assault and murder charges in Pennsylvania, the D.A. comes to an agreement.

    Department of Departures from Professional Decorum

    From "Trail of Fear", another episode of The Lake Erie Murders (which desperately needs a good script editor):

    Despite being found partially nude, the pathologist finds no evidence of sexual assault.

    Museum of Learned Hand

    From a 1944 speech:

    Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it; no constitution, no law, no court can even do much to help it ... What is this liberty that must lie in the hearts of men and women? It is not the ruthless, the unbridled will; it is not the freedom to do as one likes. That is the denial of liberty and leads straight to its overthrow. A society in which men recognize no check on their freedom soon becomes a society where freedom is the possession of only a savage few — as we have learned to our sorrow. ... The spirit of liberty is the spirit which is not too sure that it is right; the spirit of liberty is the spirit which seeks to understand the minds of other men and women; the spirit of liberty is the spirit which weighs their interests alongside its own without bias; the spirit of liberty remembers that not even a sparrow falls to earth unheeded ...

    Museum of Stable Geniuses

    Highly recommended:
    ♫ He is the Very Model of a Very Stable Gen-i-us. ♬♫Of all the US presidents he is the Mussolini-est... ♬
    A story for our times...

    A priest, a college student, and Donald Trump are in a small plane flying through a storm. Suddenly the pilot rushes from the cockpit. "We're going down," he cries, "and we only have three parachutes!" He puts on a parachute and jumps out.

    Donald Trump says, "Well, I'm a stable genius so I must be saved!" He grabs a parachute and jumps.

    The priest turns to the college student. "Young man," he says, "I've had a long life and am ready to meet my maker. Please, take the last parachute and save yourself."

    The college student says, "Don't sweat it, Father. The stable genius jumped out with my backpack."

    The stable genius has friends

    The anatomically confused edit summary to a recent edit to my talk page [133]:

    You are a fucking faggot. Kill yourself you stupid cunt.

    Vote November 6.

    Museum of Jobs With Unusual Duties

    From an episode of the true-crime program 48 Hours. An old murder case has taken a surprising turn when an evidence swab appears to have semen belonging to a San Diego Police Department crime-lab technician. But attorneys defending the technician have an explanation ...

    Defense attorney 1: The swab itself was put to dry in the open air ...

    Defense attorney 2: ... without a cap ...

    Defense attorney 1: ... on a table near where [the technician] worked. Everything that was able to be airborne could have gone and touched that swab.

    Interviewer: The problem, though, with this case is, seems to me, that the allegation is that this isn't sweat or spit – it's his semen. How would his semen get on a swab?

    Defense attorney 2: You can still have cross-contamination of semen because they had to have fresh samples of semen in the San Diego lab.

    Interviewer (voiceover): At the time of [the] murder, criminalists would often bring their own seminal fluid to the lab and use it to ensure the chemicals used to detect semen were working correctly.

    Museum of First Things First

    The capsule summary for an episode of the television program Call 911:

    "Wisconsin Standoff" Reality. (2009) A 15-hour standoff with a man who will only negotiate during commercials.

    Museum of Logical Names

    From a recent television news report:

    All passengers are safe this morning after a plane landed in a lagoon in the tiny nation of Micronesia.

    Museum of An Illiterate Assisted by Incompetents

    The precise and exact wording of a tweet posted September 24, 2018 by the Idiot-in-Chief, regarding the rough patch recently hit by his Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavenaugh:

    The Democrats are working hard to destroy a wonderful man, and a man who has the potential to be one of our greatest Supreme Court Justices ever, with an array of False Acquisitions the likes of which have never been seen before!

    Followup: The Idiot All on his Own

    From the Idiot-in-Chief's remarks at the 2017 Values Voter Summit. The teleprompter text read: "They sacrifice every day for the future of their children."

    We see this spirit in the men and women who selflessly enlist in our armed forces and, really, who go out and risk their lives for God and for country. And we see it in the mothers and the fathers who get up at the crack of dawn; they work two jobs and sometimes three jobs. They sacrifice every day for the furniture and – future of their children.

    Tip: next time try reading the speech at least once in advance before you have to deliver it. Idiot.

    Museum of So Then What's the Point?

    Caption on video clip in our fine article on Le Pétomane, "the French flatulist (professional farter)":

    Le Pétomane du Moulin Rouge, 1900 (silent film clip)

    Museum of Not Exactly Employee of the Month

    From Raymond Chandler:

    Chandler was by 1931 a highly paid vice president of the Dabney Oil Syndicate, but his alcoholism, absenteeism, promiscuity with female employees, and threatened suicides contributed to his dismissal a year later.

    Museum of Modern Times

    Things were simpler in the old days.

    Museum of the Liberal Deep-State Swamp

    Anglo-Saxon
    Angled Saxaphone





    MORE THAN A COINCIDENCE???

    With thanks to Kliban. [134]

    Museum of Thanks for Clearing That Up

    From Wikipedia's plot summary for the 1968 Italian film Be Sick... It's Free:

    But the mother planned for him a great future as a doctor, and taught him to play dirty hospital where Guido worked to gain more customers can be borrowed. Mutual is an association that gave the Italians the State contribution for care by doctors, in Italy the period of maximum growth was precisely that of the sixties in which doctors and primary clinics trying to accumulate for their many customers who had to scrape together more money mutual. Tersilli from a simple pediatrician starts to become a real doctor raking here and there with mutual customers. The turning point occurs when Guido is called by a rich lady to visit her husband. Guido takes just a chance to woo the woman, although he was already engaged to another girl to bring her into his list of patients borrowed. So Guido, under the envy of colleagues, start earning with the rich lady countless customers borrowed touching the 2000 patients.

    Museum of the Apocolypse

    1957: Eleanor Roosevelt appears on Meet the Press
    1968: RFK appears on Meet the Press
    1960: MLK appears on Meet the Press
    1980: Jimmy Carter appears on Meet the Press
    2007: Barack Obama appears on Meet the Press
    1997: Bill Clinton appears on Meet the Press

    And now, this week's sign the that apocalypse is upon us ...

    2018: "Omarosa" appears on Meet the Press

    Museum of Think of It This Way

    Thought-provoking passage from the article Intrauterine device:

    Imagine the sperm as drivers who want to make it to their destination, the egg, as fast as possible. Without an IUD, they can see where they are headed. However, with an IUD, it's hard for them to figure out how to get to their final destination.

    Museum of Crime Really Doesn't Pay

    From Charles Ingram:

    Charles William Ingram (born 6 August 1963) is an English former British Army major known for cheating on the television game show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? in 2001. He was convicted at Southwark Crown Court on a single count of procuring the execution of a valuable security by deception. He was convicted of an unrelated insurance fraud in 2003, and ordered to resign his commission as a major by the Army Board ...

    Ingram and his wife were declared bankrupt in November 2004 and November 2005 respectively ... In September 2010 Ingram slipped on a rotten apple while mowing the lawn and sliced off three of his toes.

    Vaguely related followup, from our article on daredevil Bobby Leach, "the second person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel":

    In 1926, while on a publicity tour in New Zealand, Leach injured his leg when he slipped on an orange peel. The leg became infected, and eventually gangrene necessitated the amputation of the leg. Leach died of complications two months later.

    Museum of Juxtapositions

    Puts children in classrooms
    Puts children in cages

    Museum of Donald Trump is a Lying Traitor and His White House is Staffed by Lying Traitors Covering For Him

    On the left below, a true transcript of the Helsinki press conference, in which Vladimir Putin openly stated that he instructed Russian officials to help Trump become president of the United States.

    On the right, what the official White House video makes it appear was said – edited (and I am not making this up) to delete the reporter's words President Putin, did you want President Trump to win the election, thus making it appear as if Putin is responding to a question about Special Counsel Robert Mueller instead of about Trump's election. Let me repeat that: the White House's official video of the Trump-Putin news conference is falsified to hide the fact that Putin said that he directed Russian officials to help Trump become president.

    The video links are given below so you can hear for yourself. Putin is discussing his bizarre proposal that the United States send certain of its diplomats and intelligence officials to Russia for questioning...

    Putin (through translator): So we have an interest of questioning them. We can all – that could be a first step, and we can also extend it. Options abound, and they all can be found in an appropriate legal framework.

    Reporter Jeff Mason: President Putin, did you want President Trump to win the election and did you direct any of your officials to help him do that?

    Putin: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because he talked about bringing the U.S.–Russia relationship back to normal.

    C-SPAN uneditied video [135] (start at 32:40)

    Putin (through translator): So we have an interest of questioning them. We can all – that could be a first step, and we can also extend it. Options abound, and they all can be found in an appropriate legal framework.

    Reporter Jeff Mason: And did you direct any of your officials to help him do that?                                                                                             

    Putin: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because he talked about bringing the U.S.–Russia relationship back to normal.

    The White House's falsified video [136]

    As of July 26, the White House's transcript of the press conference has been corrected to reflect what really transpired [137], but the falsified video (linked above right) has not been corrected.

    Anagrams don't lie

    Trump is a malignant narcissist = Mr Putin's a smiling satanic tsar
    "Trump Derangement Syndrome" = Grumpy demented man errs not
    Anagrams don't lie = damnation lagers

    Museum of If Trump Was a Screenwriter

    "I'll not be back."
    "I shouldn't have known better with a girl like you"

    Museum of Machine Intelligence and Human Idiocy

    No kidding, I typed Trump into the Google search box and it autocompleted Trump idiot.

    Museum of Doesn't Seem So Funny Anymore

    How prescient turned out be this [138] conversation at ANI in June 2017. The underlined bits were removed by an admin as BLP violations – ha!
    Good thing for Trump we don't jail people for twits here in the US. EEng 17:41, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
    Putin is too busy running the White House to be bothered with these editors. Legacypac (talk) 16:39, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
    I prefer Adorned in white overalls to resemble a bird, Putin did manage to get some cranes to fly. ‑ Iridescent 17:51, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
    It's a shame the title of this thread isn't something like BITEy behavior at Pets of Vladimir Putin. EEng 18:05, 31 May 2017 (UTC)

    [... Irrelevant intervening posts omitted...]

    Wait... Donald Trump is tracked by Russian GPS??? EEng 19:40, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
    Remember kids, kneeling for the national anthem is worse than treason, but kneeling for Putin is diplomacy.
    Pull the string and I'll wink at you,I'm your puppet.I'll do funny things if you want me to,I'm your puppet.

    Museum of legal, regulated, and taxed

    From the article Seatrade:

    Seatrade is the largest specialized refrigerated shipping company in the world, operating a fleet of near 100 specialised reefer vessels.

    Museum of Stop touching Samuel Johnson!

    From the article Tuberculous cervical lymphadenitis (as pointed out to me by a pal years ago):

    Queen Anne touched the infant Samuel Johnson in 1712, but King George I put an end to the practice as being "too Catholic".

    Museum of Washed-Up Has-Beens

    Wikipedia:Articles_for_deletion/Meghan_Markle

    Museum of Peace for Our Time

    Trump returns from summit with Kim Jong Un: "He's got a good personality, he's funny, and he's very, very smart. He's a great negotiator."

    Museum of Those Greeks Sure Were Perverted

    From the article Hercules' Dog Discovers Purple Dye:

    Hercules and his dog were walking on the beach on their way to court a nymph named Tyro.

    You're a Big Help, AWB

    An edit summary in the article Jim Gray (computer scientist):

    Typo fixing, replaced: using using → using using AWB

    Museum of Sexual Entitlement

    From a comment at a GA review:

    Do people expect bangs?

    Museum of Metaphor

    An MSNBC correspondent commenting (May 24, 2018) on the cancellation of aspiring dictator Donald Trump's meet with North Korea's actual dictator and fellow fatso, Kim Jong Un:

    There was also this sense that he put the cart before the horse and gave away the farm by not doing the legwork.

    Museum of Who Tweeted It? (Pt. 2)

    We should renegotiate the International Date Line, which is another bad Deal made by Democrats. When an American goes to China, he loses a day. But when a China person goes to America, he gains a day. Unfair![1]

    References

    1. ^ Not actually Trump, but you were prepared to believe it, weren't you?

    Museum of I Didn't Know That Was Possible

    From the article on the film Bad Biology:

    When they finally meet, they bond over their social and personal difficulties and lack of sexual fulfillment. However, they must somehow tame Batz' increasingly erratic penis before it can go on a murder spree.

    Museum of The Watchers

    The words of Congressman James Mann during debate on the impeachment of Richard Nixon:

    If there be no accountability, another president will feel free to do as he chooses. The next time there may be no watchman in the night.

    (The flaw in that reasoning being, of course, that if this hypothetical "another president" is an idiot who knows no history, he will profit not from the lesson.)

    Museum of Maimonides of Hydrophobia

    A recent correction to the article Tiberias:

    In the late 12th century Tiberias' Jewish community numbered 50 Jewish families, headed by rabies rabbis

    Museum of What Noticeboard Do I Report That At?

    From someone's talk page:

    You reported my giant penls in your vergina in the same minute it was created

    Museum of Who Tweeted It?

    Hint #1: The misplaced capital W. Hint #2: "genius". 

    We need a President who isn't a laughing stock to the entire World. We need a truly great leader, a genius at strategy and winning.

    Museum of Unflappable Game Show Hosts

    "Uh, no N."

    Museum of Really Upset Viewers

    [139]

    (Read about what actually happened here: [140].)

    Museum of In Case You Hadn't Realized

    From the website of something called The Mountain Academy [141]:

    Things have really gone wrong when multiple members of your group have been caught in an avalanche.

    Museum of Man In Conflict With Himself

    Cheddar Man: "Oof! I can't wait for Lactaid to be invented!"
    From our article on the fossil Cheddar Man:

    Analysis of his nuclear DNA indicates that he was a typical member of the western European population at the time, with lactose intolerance ...

    Museum of Method Acting

    From List of conspiracy theories:

    These theories variously allege that she is a Western spy, or that her attempted murder by the Taliban in 2012 was a secret operation to further discredit the Taliban, and was organized by her father and the CIA and carried out by actor Robert de Niro disguised as an Uzbek homeopath.

    Museum of Please, Dear God, I'm Begging You, No!

    From Harley F. Holden, "Student Records: The Harvard Experience" (The American Archivist, v. 39 n. 4, October 1976):

    I suppose it could be argued, at least facetiously, that since our scientific community does not hesitate to publish photographs of scantily clad native chiefs from New Guinea or South American jungles, that community should not hesitate to feature photographs in the National Geographic or Natural History Magazine of [those] who became our chiefs of state.

    Museum of Avoid These Common Mistakes

    From WikiHow's "How to Run Away With the Circus":

    1. Get into shape. To be a part of any circus, you should be highly capable physically. Before you join in the clowning about, practice your flexibility for a few months.

    2. Choose an act. Circuses usually require auditions, and you should build a repertoire. Look into things like acrobatics, diabolo, unicycle, and trampolining.

    3. Find a good costume. Make sure you have the right costume for you, and that it fits your act. For example, you wouldn't want long, flowing sleeves for fire dancing.

    Museum of Always Good Advice

    From Farrow's Manual of Military Training (1920, p. 886):

    Association with lewd women is dangerous.

    Museum of Doing The Best I Can Under The Circumstances

    From a post at AN:

    Sorry for the partial legibility of the previous note; my new computer's "a" and "q" keys are malfunctioning (intermittently...ugg) so I have to copy/paste the letter "a" if I want to type it, and I forgot.

    Museum of 50 years later

    My college advisor is teaching Classics of Computer Science, so for old times' sake I'm sitting in to make a pest of myself. Last week we discussed Claude Shannon's "A Symbolic Analysis of Relay and Switching Circuits" (1938), which has been called "possibly the most important, and also the most famous, master's thesis of the century." One hurdle: apparently computer science students at major universities today aren't taught what a relay is ...

    My dad (1968): How does a computer work?
    Me: Well, it's like your brain ...

    Me (2016, to 6-year old nephew): Riding your scooter, you wear a helmet to protect your brain.
    Nephew: What's my brain?
    Me: Well, it's like a computer ...

    ---

    My dad (1968): What's a transistor?
    Me: Well, it's like a relay ...

    "Classics of Computer Science" student (2018): What's a relay?
    Me: A relay is [draws diagram and explains].
    Student: So it's like a transistor?

    Museum of Good to Know

    Headline in the September 7, 1949 issue of the Klamath Falls, Oregon Herald and News (p. 5): 

    KF Community College Has Competent Faculty

    Followup:

    [142]

    Museum of Temperamental Artists

    From the article Roderick Maclean:

    Roderick Maclean (died 9 June 1921) attempted to assassinate Queen Victoria on 2 March 1882, at Windsor, England, with a pistol. This was the last of eight attempts by separate people to kill or assault Victoria over a period of forty years. Maclean's motive was purportedly a curt reply to some poetry that he had mailed to the Queen.

    Museum of I Was Wondering About That

    [143]

    Museum of Abstracts of One Syllable

    Do Large (Magnitude ≥8) Global Earthquakes Occur on Preferred Days of the Calendar Year or Lunar Cycle? (with thanks to Guy Macon).

    Museum of Multitasking Militant Muslims

    Presumably a violation of the Five Pillars.

    Museum of Polly Wants a Zipper

    The entirety of an item in the Oakland Tribune for September 13, 1945 (p. 8):

    Zippers and Parrot Are Hospital Wants – An appeal was issued today by the Oakland Chapter, American Red Cross, for nine 10 and 12 inch zippers and a parrot, for men in local military hospitals. Anyone wishing to donate these contributions should call HIghgate 7680, extension 15.

    Museum of Any Serious Questions?

    From the talk page for the article on The Clapper, the "Clap On, Clap Off" remote control device:
    Sources
    Can you get it from kissing? —Preceding unsigned comment added by 69.125.110.223 (talk) 20:03, 20 December 2007 (UTC)

    Museum of Quantitatives

    The Disagree/Neutral/Agree questions asked at https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/SD3/ to evaluate a subject's match to "the Dark Triad ... three closely related yet independent personality traits that all have a somewhat malevolent connotation. The three traits are machiavellianism (a manipulative attitude), narcissism (excessive self-love), and psychopathy (lack of empathy)." I answered on behalf of US President Donald Trump, and received the following results:
    Machiavellianism: 4/4
    Narcissism: 4/4
    Psychopathy: 3.8/4 (so there's at least some good news, I guess)

    Museum of Whatever Are You Implying?

    From Gately's Universal Educator: An Educational Cyclopaedia and Business Guide (1883):

    A woman should not usually form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to attract the attention or admiration of the other sex, as to do so might render false her claims to ladyhood, if it did not make her liable to charges of a more severe nature.

    Museum of Cantabrigians, Stop Sniggering

    From a recent edit summary:

    Oxford coma for clarity

    Museum of Legal Eagles

    The latest idiocy from Alabama's Unreconstructed Cracker-in-Chief:

    Alabama election officials declared Democrat Doug Jones the winner of a special Senate election held earlier this month... Montgomery Circuit Judge Johnny Hardwick on Thursday denied Moore's attempt to delay the certification of votes while Moore's claims of voter fraud are investigated. Hardwick said he lacked jurisdiction to decide the case – meaning that Moore, a former state Supreme Court chief justice, may have filed the lawsuit in the wrong court.

    Museum of Everything's about Me, Me, Me!

    President Donald J. Trump's initial reaction to a fatal train derailment:

    The train accident that just occurred in DuPont, WA shows more than ever why our soon to be submitted infrastructure plan must be approved quickly. Seven trillion dollars spent in the Middle East while our roads, bridges, tunnels, railways (and more) crumble! Not for long!

    Ten minutes later, an afterthought:

    My thoughts and prayers are with everyone involved in the train accident in DuPont, Washington.

    Museum of Bad Starts

    The Dairy of Anne Frank
    Anne Frank
    The Veggies of Anne Frank

    Museum of Thank You, Jesus!

    "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."
    "God is always in control." – You got that right, you stupid cracker.
    When you lie with dogs, you get up with fleas.

    Museum of Publish or Perish

    From the article Roy Shaw – and be sure to click the link:

    Shaw routinely stabbed police informers and even slashed the throat of a former best friend while incarcerated owing to his strong belief in an honour code amongst criminals which must not be broken.

    Museum of Wrong Line of Work

    From "Murder by the Book", an episode of the uplifting crime series The Perfect Murder:

    Narrator: As a young adult, Dan decides to rob a bank, but makes a serious mistake.

    Retired D.A.: He passed a note to the bank teller, ya know, give me the money or I'll shoot you – whathaveyou. And, uh... he left the bank... and he left the note... and on the other side of the note was his deposit slip... with his name and address and phone number.

    Museum of Naughty, Naughty Advertising Copywriters



    ====> Captions invited <====

    An Admin showing a group of new editors how to write a featured article. - L293D (☎ • ✎) 19:18, 29 June 2018 (UTC)

    Museum of Arbs on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

    [145][146] [147]

    Museum of Afflictions

    From our friends at National Geographic:

    Minor strokes that killed off cells in one small area on the right side of the brain seemed to trigger "gourmand syndrome" in 34 patients reported in a 1997 Neurology journal study. They lost interest in their careers – as a tennis pro or political writer, for example – and devoted themselves instead to fine dining.

    Museum of Just Kidding!

    [148]

    Museum of The Show Must Go On

    An incident on the set of a 1958 edition of Armchair Theatre illustrates the perverse extremes of professionalism that television actors were expected to exhibit. The... cast included Warren Mitchell, Donald Houston, Peter Bowles, and a young Welsh actor named Gareth Jones. "During transmission," recalls Bowles, "a little group of us was talking on camera while awaiting the arrival of Gareth Jones's character, who had some information for us. We could see him coming up towards us, and he was going to arrive on cue, but we saw him drop, we saw him fall. We had no idea what had happened, but he certainly wasn't coming our way. The actors, including me, started making up lines: 'I'm sure if So-and-so were here he would say...'" Jones had suffered a fatal heart attack – but rather than informing the actors of their colleague's death and ceasing transmission of the play, the producers decided to let them stumble on to the end. [149]

    Museum of Rock Bottom

    From the article on Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, former star of The Jersey Shore: 

    On June 17, 2014, Sorrentino was arrested for assault after a fight at a tanning salon in Middletown Township, New Jersey ... In August of [2011], Sorrentino was offered a "substantial" sum of money by fashion retailer Abercrombie & Fitch not to wear the company's clothes.

    Museum of Bad Acid Trips

    From the article on Xenu, who in the cosmology of Scientology was "the dictator of the 'Galactic Confederacy' who 75 million years ago brought billions of his people to Earth (then known as 'Teegeeack') in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes, and killed them with hydrogen bombs." Scientologists actually believe this – at least those willing to pay the $100,000 required to get to the "level" at which you're allowed to learn such esoterica. Please note that this passage has been placed in the Museums in admiration of its rococo creativity, not to imply that it's any more outlandish than a talking snake, a guy nailed to a cross coming back from the dead, or the ideas that what God really wants you to do is cut off a bit of your son's penis and/or bundle up your women from head to toe like the Elephant Man:

    Xenu was about to be deposed from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of psychiatrists, he gathered billions of his citizens under the pretense of income tax inspections, then paralyzed them and froze them in a mixture of alcohol and glycol to capture their souls. The kidnapped populace was loaded into spacecraft for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). The appearance of these spacecraft would later be subconsciously expressed in the design of the Douglas DC-8, the only difference being that "the DC8 had fans, propellers on it and the space plane didn't". When they had reached Teegeeack, the paralyzed citizens were unloaded around the bases of volcanoes across the planet. Hydrogen bombs were then lowered into the volcanoes and detonated simultaneously, killing all but a few aliens.

    Hubbard described the scene in his film script, Revolt in the Stars:

    Simultaneously, the planted charges erupted. Atomic blasts ballooned from the craters of Loa, Vesuvius, Shasta, Washington, Fujiyama, Etna, and many, many others. Arching higher and higher, up and outwards, towering clouds mushroomed, shot through with flashes of flame, waste and fission. Great winds raced tumultuously across the face of Earth, spreading tales of destruction...

    The now-disembodied victims' souls, which Hubbard called thetans, were blown into the air by the blast. They were captured by Xenu's forces using an "electronic ribbon" ("which also was a type of standing wave") and sucked into "vacuum zones" around the world. The hundreds of billions of captured thetans were taken to a type of cinema, where they were forced to watch a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for thirty-six days. This implanted what Hubbard termed "various misleading data"' (collectively termed the R6 implant) into the memories of the hapless thetans, "which has to do with God, the Devil, space opera, etcetera". This included all world religions; Hubbard specifically attributed Roman Catholicism and the image of the Crucifixion to the influence of Xenu. The two "implant stations" cited by Hubbard were said to have been located on Hawaii and Las Palmas in the Canary Islands.

    In addition to implanting new beliefs in the thetans, the images deprived them of their sense of personal identity. When the thetans left the projection areas, they started to cluster together in groups of a few thousand, having lost the ability to differentiate between each other. Each cluster of thetans gathered into one of the few remaining bodies that survived the explosion. These became what are known as body thetans, which are said to be still clinging to and adversely affecting everyone except Scientologists who have performed the necessary steps to remove them.

    A government faction known as the Loyal Officers finally overthrew Xenu and his renegades, and locked him away in "an electronic mountain trap" from which he has not escaped. Although the location of Xenu is sometimes said to be the Pyrenees on Earth, this is actually the location Hubbard gave elsewhere for an ancient "Martian report station". Teegeeack was subsequently abandoned by the Galactic Confederacy and remains a pariah "prison planet" to this day, although it has suffered repeatedly from incursions by alien "Invader Forces" since that time.

    Followup: Museum of Ouch! That Must Have Stung!

    From a rear admiral's fitness report on US Navy Lieutenant Lafayette Ronald Hubbard, who during WWII had managed to wander his ship into Mexican waters and fire on islands where Mexican troops were garrisoned. In later life Hubbard liked to style himself the "Commodore" of Scientology's "Sea Org":

    Consider this officer lacking in the essential qualities of judgment, leadership and cooperation. He acts without forethought as to probable results. He is believed to have been sincere in his efforts to make his ship efficient and ready. Not considered qualified for command or promotion at this time. Recommend duty on a large vessel where he can be properly supervised.

    Museum of Probably Safe to Say

    From "The Dating Game Killer", an episode of the enlightening television series Murder Made Me Famous:

    Cheryl has just picked Rodney Alcala as her date on The Dating Game. She has no idea that she has selected a serial killer, and that she may be his next potential victim.

    Museum of Artful Idling

    From Tom Hodgkinson, "Idleness and Industry":

    A characteristic of the idler's work is that it looks suspiciously like play. This, again, makes the non-idler feel uncomfortable. Victims of the Protestant work ethic would like all work to be unpleasant. They feel that work is a curse, that we must suffer on this earth to earn our place in the next. The idler, on the other hand, sees no reason not to use his brain to organise a life for himself where his play is his work, and so attempt to create his own little paradise in the here and now.

    Museum of Much-Needed Gaps

    From an unintentionally (I presume) insulting comment on an editor's user page:

    StuRat your absence from the Reference Desks will be missed.

    Museum of a Rock and a Hard Place

    From "Appendix: Plot Synopses of Traditional Ballads Most Commonly Found in the United States and Canada", in Folk Music: A Regional Exploration (Cohen, 2005):

    H23. "The Old Maid and the Burglar" (by E. S. Thilp, originally "Burglar Man"). 1897: Surprised by a returning old maid, a burglar slips under the bed and watches her remove her glass eye, wig, wooden leg, and so on. She hauls him out and threatens to shoot him if he doesn't marry her; he begs her to shoot.

    Museum of Exciting Careers

    From Wikipedia's plot summary for the Alan Hailey novel Overload (1979), "concerning the electricity production industry in California... described from the point of view of vice-president of Golden State Power and Light, Nimrod 'Nim' Goldman":

    Noticing that a worker on the furnace feed conveyor was in danger, Nim instinctively runs down to the plant floor and saves the man from otherwise certain death. A comely young lady who is part of the group saw what happened and decides she wants to invite herself into Nim's bed and offer him sex as a thank you for what he did. When Nim is back in his bedroom a woman slips in, and he discovers it's not the lady who propositioned him, it's the wife of one of the executives of the Colorado electric company where he is staying, who asks Nim to impregnate her so she can have a child. (The other executive had privately admitted to Nim that he is "shooting blanks", i.e. infertile and unable to get his wife pregnant.) Then, later, the lady who originally wanted to bed Nim arrives, and is able to get Nim to have sex with her as well.

    The think group, using coded incoming mail, finally arrest David Birdsong and expose Georgos. Georgos attempts to bomb Big Lil, but he is killed by the pump's turbine blades. The plant manager, noticing that someone had gotten into the reservoir, realizes that if the plant is bombed while it is operating, the damage would put the plant out of operation for months, but a bomb when the plant is shut down would only cause minor damage, chooses to shut the plant down, causing a major power shortage. Georgo's corpse floats up after the turbines stop, essentially confirming the manager's concern. This shut down, however, causes a major blackout throughout the region. Karen Sloan dies after her respirator fails due to this power outage. Nim discovers his wife is dying of cancer, and the novel ends as Nim finally befriends Nancy Molineaux and visits her at her house as she offers Nim a one-time opportunity to be her lover.

    Museum of Now That You Mention It

    From List of Mission: Impossible characters:

    Cinnamon Carter's role as an IMF agent was that of "femme fatale" and "woman in distress". In her IMF dossier, she was noted as being a successful model, and the dossier scenes during her three seasons on the show showed at least three different magazine covers on which she was featured. How a famous international cover model failed to be recognized as such during a mission was never explained.

    Museum of Incoherent Counsel

    From a letter sent to news outlets by personal-injury lawyer Trenton R. Garmon, who for some reason is representing Roy Moore, the Alabama candidate for US Senate accused of molesting teenage girls:

    Your client's organization has made and/or supported defaming statements. This is due to the careless and/or intentionally refused to advance the truth regarding our clients. We also believe that your client, by and through its agents, have damaged our clients by being careless in how they handled headlines and report the contextual of the allegations.

    Meaning your client has used terms in reports maliciously or carelessly which is falsely portraying our clients.

    Thus, do note this clearly, yet significant difference which your client's publications(s) have failed to distinguish. And the legal requirements that your client retract the stories, to include the details which clearly are false.

    We believe it is clear and convincing your client consciously and deliberately engaged in oppression, fraud, wantonness, and/or malice and again as stated above we do requested a retraction.

    Museum of Somehow That Fits

    From the typsetting note in The Works of Mark Twain (v. 3, 1993 ed.):

    The text of this book is set in Trump Mediaeval...

    Related item, from 1984, "The Principles of Newspeak":

    The intention was to make speech, and especially speech on any subject not ideologically neutral, as nearly as possible independent of consciousness. For the purposes of everyday life it was no doubt necessary, or sometimes necessary, to reflect before speaking, but a Party member called upon to make a political or ethical judgment should be able to spray forth the correct opinions as automatically as a machine-gun spraying forth bullets. His training fitted him to do this, the language gave him an almost fool-proof instrument, and the texture of words, with their harsh sound and a certain wilful ugliness which as in accord with the spirit of Ingsoc, assisted the process still further.

    So did the fact of having very few words to choose from... Ultimately it was hoped to make articulate speech issue from the larynx without involving the higher brain centres at all.

    Museum of Oops

    From the article on the Star Trek episode "The City on the Edge of Forever":

    The episode went over budget by more than $50,000 and overran the production schedule. Mistakes were made in the set design with an instruction for "runes" misconstrued as a request for "ruins".

    Museum of Clever IPs

    Read the article names from the bottom up: [150]

    Museum of Gone to that Great Blueberry Hill in the Sky

    Fats Domino (1928–2017)
    Aretha Franklin (1942–2018)

    Museum of I Shouldn't Laugh but I Did

    From a discussion of a deceased Wikipedia's userpage:

    I can't help noticing, though, that the juxtaposition of items at the top of his user page just now is a bit jarring [151]. EEng 19:59, 24 October 2017 (UTC)

    Oh my...you're right. When I was a kid, Mom would tell me to put on clean underwear before I left the house. Now that I'm a Wikipedian and rarely leave the house, I just have to make sure my user page is clean. Atsme📞📧 20:32, 24 October 2017 (UTC)

    Museum of Adults Only

    Perhaps my most daring edit ever, unfortunately (or possibly fortunately) now part of a block of revdels [152].

    Museum of Discreetly Left to the Reader's Imagination

    From the article Gerald Haxton:

    Military policemen, whilst looking for deserters, had burst into the hotel room of Haxton and Lindsell to find them committing a homosexual act that was not buggery.

    Museum of Cruel to Be Kind

    From a discussion of civility at Wikipedia talk:Administrators' noticeboard:

    Would, for example, one occurrence of "bizarre and hypocritical" warrant a sanction regardless of the surrounding circumstances? I like your idea of resurrecting WP:WQA, as a sort of honeypot. Once all the people who would answer yes to that question have congregated there we could quietly lock the door from the outside. They might never notice. I kid, obviously, but if you want to "enforce civility" that's certainly not the sort of thing you'd start by addressing. -- Begoon 7:13 am, Today (UTC−4)

    Museum of Polite Requests

    If you believe in "gun rights", please drop dead. Thank you for your cooperation.

    Museum of My Smart Little Nephew

    My nephew just entered second grade, and he's smart as a whip. For your enjoyment:

    Museum of If Mark Twain Had Been a Gynecologist

    Pessary: A device worn in the vagina to support the uterus, remedy a malposition, or prevent conception. Certain other terms, such as refractory uterus, I dared not look up, and we can only hope that the phrase Eureka vaginal irrigators is unrelated to e.g. the respected purveyors of floor cleaning equipment.
    From W.N. Bryant, M.D. (Chester, Vt.). "Advances in Gynaecology". Transactions of the Vermont Medical Society for the Year 1885, pp. 77-81:

    It is undeniable that gynaecology is a seductive study; that while a lively interest attaches to all branches of our art, a certain weird kind of fascination seems to envelop this, which does not obtain in other departments. As proof of this, I would refer you to the vast amount of human ingenuity and inventive genius being expended in the vain pursuit of an ideal pessary. Why this is so I am unable to explain, unless it be that same irresistible interest which always envelopes the mysterious and hitherto unattainable.

    Apropos of this, I am tempted to moralize a little, and to suggest that the interest manifesting in the solution of the mysterious is not always commensurate with the result to be obtained, even in the case of success. For instance, many lives and much treasure have been sacrificed in attempts to reach the frozen pole. But when these attempts shall finally be crowned with success, it is by no means certain that this portion of our globe will ever become popular, whether as a health resort or for agricultural purposes. So I have sometimes wondered if, when some enthusiastic devotee shall discover the gyn­ae­co­log­i­cal Utopia by inventing the truly ideal, never-failing, self-adjusting, non-irritating, non-corrosive, non-combative, self-satisfying pessary – if, I say, after all – there will be left no more worlds for the enterprising specialist to conquer.

    If advancement is to be measured by the number of such instruments brought forth in a given time, the past year can make a very creditable showing. Had I supposed it would devolve upon me to prepare this report, I would have made note of these articles and thus have been able to describe them seriatim. As it is, memory must be trusted. My notice has been called, per circular and otherwise, to about an equal number of new specula, ideal pessaries and Eureka vaginal irrigators, and, after some deliberation, I place the gross number at nine hundred and thirty-seven. (This report has not been audited, and is subject to correction.) Each of these instruments was warranted to fill a long felt want, which no doubt they would do, provided sufficient of them were sold to pay the inventors. I have made a little calculation, from which it appears that, if any of us was so fortunate to have safely in bank the retail price of each different instrument that has been devised to torture a refractory uterus into a state of moderate conservatism, we would have no further necessity for practicing either gynaecology or economy for the remainder of life.

    Museum of great quotes

    "I don't like the symbolism of burning the flag ... It would be better for demonstrators to wash the flag, rather than burn it." – Norman Thomas

    Museum of Warning! Do Not Travel to Bratislava!

    From Public toilets in Bratislava:

    Under communism, the tradition of public toilets formed, which influences the city to this day. Public toilets were separated by sex, entrances being guarded by notoriously ill-tempered restroom ladies. The client would disclose whether he needed to urinate or defecate, and he would be charged accordingly, the latter costing more. Finally, the client was issued his limited share of toilet paper, sometimes with an embarrassing negotiation regarding the need for more.

    Partial list of public toilets in Bratislava

    Kamenné Námestie / Námestie SNP. Closed for years because of groundwater leakage.

    File:Bratislava Trnavske Myto Underpass Public Toilets LQ.jpg

    Pedestrian underpass Trnavské mýto. Partially devastated.

    Karloveská Street (Karlova Ves) Devastated, closed for some 15 years.

    Pedestrian underpass Hodžovo námestie. Accessible to the handicapped with effort.

    Museum of Someone's Not Paying Attention

    Entry published (incredible as it may seem) in the Fiftieth Reunion Class Report for Harvard College's Class of 1962, based on information submitted by the alumnus in question himself:

    Theodore John Kaczynski
    Home address: No. 04475-046, US Penitentiary-Max, P.O. Box 8500, Florence, CO 8126-8500.
    Occupation: Prisoner.
    House/Dorm: Eliot.
    Degrees: AB '62; MA Univ. of Michigan '65; PhD, ibid. '67.
    Publications: Technological Slavery (Feral House, 2010).
    Awards: Eight life sentences, issued by the United States District Court for the Eastern District of California, 1998.[153]

    Museum of Upholders of Traditional Values

    From the article on Kim Davis, the not-overbright county clerk who believes that marriage is the inviolable union of one man and one woman:

    Davis has been married four times to three different men. The first three marriages ended in divorce in 1994, 2006, and 2008. Davis is the mother of twin sons, who were born five months after her divorce from her first husband. Her third husband is the biological father of the twins who were adopted by her second husband,

    Museum of science humor

    From a discussion of problems stemming from the many people gathering to view the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse:

    The demand for portable toilets will be "astronomical".

    Museum of Bears with Opposable Thumbs

    From the computer-generated (let us hope) subtitles to a true-crime detective program. Some hikers have found a body:

    The body sports a baffling array of grizzly injuries. She has a plastic bag over her head.

    Museum of Lonely Dissent

    If evils will result from the commingling of the two races upon public highways established for the benefit of all, they will infinitely less than those that will surely come from state legislation regulating the enjoyment of civil rights upon the basis of race. We boast of the freedom enjoyed by our people above all other peoples. But it is difficult to reconcile that boast with the state of the law which, practically, puts the brand of servitude and degradation upon a large class of our fellow citizens, our equals before the law. The thin disguise of "equal" accommodations for passengers in railroad coaches will not mislead anyone, nor atone for the wrong this day done...

    John Marshall Harlan, dissenting in Plessy v. Ferguson (1896)

    Museum of That's Much Better

    A correction in the New York Times, June 23, 2017:

    An earlier version of this graphic included an incorrect total for the number of days Donald Trump told a lie during his first two months as president. It was 20, not 25.

    Museum of Erudition and Insight

    This week it's Robert E. Lee ...






    ... I wonder, is it George Washington next week? And is it Thomas Jefferson the week after? Ya know, you really have to ask yourself, where does it stop?
    Senator McCain [center, as a recently released POW] who voted against us getting good health care.

    Museum of Nepotism

    From a strangely telling statement (August 12, 2017) by a (spellcheck-challenged) "unidentified White House spokesperson":

    The president said very strongly in his statement yesterday that he condemns all forms of violence, bigotry, and hatred and of course that includes white supremacists, KKK, nephew-nazi and all extremist groups.

    Museum of Startling Talk Page Section Headings

    From [154]:
    Please unblock Vagina

    Museum of Malpractice

    "That surgeon you hired to sew my head back on was a quack."

    Museum of Clouded Crystal Balls

    From a Citizendium user talk page:

    Ro, Are you interested in helping set up a Manual of Style for Citizendium? There have been previous discussion in the past on this but like everything else, nothing came of it. Meg Ireland 14:44, 30 September 2013

    I certainly would, yes. Indeed it's been something I've been thinking about recently. We should broadly follow Wikipedia. Ro Thorpe 17:24, 30 September 2013
    Wikipedia is in decline. Meg Ireland 22:09, 10 November 2013


    From the article Citizendium:

    In November 2016, a referendum was held to abolish the governing Citizendium Charter and the Council in favour of Wikipedia-style discussion and consensus. It attracted nine votes, and was passed. A new Managing Editor was to be elected at the same time, but there were no nominations.

    Museum of Congressmen! Choose Your Weapons!

    Republican lawmakers introduce duel versions of bill
    From the CNN "crawl", July 20, 2017:

    Wiping out the rule would affect tens of millions of Americans who often don't know they are covered by an arbitration clause when they sign up for a credit card or checking account. Today Republican lawmakers in House & Senate introduced duel versions of bill to ax the rule.

    Museum of Frustrated Elite Masters of Style

    Apparently stimulated by a difference of opinion on an article talk page [155] (extra points for confusion of hyphen with dash, mismatch between singular half-wit and plural their skulls, etc.):

    ... (most of whom couldn't write any decent prose if their lives depended on it - the second-rate drivel they spew out looks and feels like it's been done by a half-wit with a metal bar through their skulls).

    Museum of Wiseacres

    From "Policemen's Hats and Coats Stolen in Hotel As Members of Glee Club Give a Concert", The New York Times, April 28, 1933, p. 19:

    Ten patrolmen, an acting police lieutenant and Deputy Chief Inspector John J. O'Connell searched the Hotel Astor last night for two coats and four hats taken by sneak thieves while their policemen owners were singing in the Rose Room. The discovery of the loss was made as ten members of the Police Glee Club finished their last number, "Smile, Darn You, Smile," before more than 100 members of the La Salle Academy Alumni Society, who were holding their annual dinner.

    The hats and coats, which had been used to cover the regulation uniforms of the men, who had just gone off duty, had been thrown hurriedly on chairs in an anteroom just outside the room in which the dinner took place, and in view of the singing officers. Fifteen minutes later four angry glee club members discovered their loss at practically the same moment.

    Acting Lieutenant Patrick Fitzgibbons and Deputy Chief Inspector O'Connor were called from the dais where they sat as honored guests. The head waiter, the manager and two bus boys were called. One of the bus boys suggested that "we better call the police."

    Museum of Anthropology

    From the article Theories of humor:

    Evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller contends that, from an evolutionary perspective, humour would have had no survival value to early humans living in the savannas of Africa.

    Museum of The Wacky World of Wikivoyage

    From Wikivoyage's page on North America (which I cannot recommend too highly):

    Fake Irish pubs may seem tacky to those who have been to the real thing, but they are a genuine part of the landscape in the U.S. and Canada and are often among the most popular bars in town. If you're in a major American city on St. Patrick's day, a visit to one of these establishments is a must.

    As rabies is almost always fatal once symptoms show have a rabies vaccination before you head out and get to a doctor as soon as possible if you are bitten.

    Museum of Statistics

    From "Statistics of California for 1868-69", in The Alta California Pacific Coast and Trans-Continental Rail-Road Guide (1871):

    Alameda County: Number of Homes, 8689; Number of Cows, 5603; Number of Mules, 946; Number of Asses, 7

    Museum of Well Said

    From a post by Beyond My Ken at ANI, responding to the assertion that "instead of adopting a more central/middle-ground view, WP presents a more leftist view due to a combination of what are considered reliable sources, and a combination of experienced editors on the site editing in these areas that average out to a leftist view":

    The so-called "liberal media" is biased towards reality, and the alt-right is biased towards anything that supports their ideology, which is, generally speaking, not reality-based. We are an encyclopedia, therefore we reflect reality, not any ideology. The right sees this and says "Ah, see, Wikipedia is supporting what the liberal media says, therefore Wikipedia is biased towards the left," but that's only because they see things through the filter of their POV, while we do our very best not to be biased towards anything except what is real and verifiable. The alt-right media are not, for the most part, reliable sources, since they have been shown to have been wrong again and again and again, and have an overall tendency to report whatever they believe, regardless of its relationship to reality. Thus we are forced to use reality-based media, which the alt-right sees as liberal or "leftist", which is actually ridiculous, since no mainstream American media outlet is anywhere near being left-wing -- but, then, the alt-right makes no differentiation between "liberal" and "leftist".

    In short, it is wrong to point the finger at Wikipedia as being the genesis of the problem, which originates in the minds of the ideologues of the right. There is no "leftist view" to Wikipedia, that's an artifact totally created in the perceptions of rightists. Our viewpoint is centrist, just as that of the "liberal media" is. The fault is not in us, it is in those who cannot differentiate their ideology from reality.

    Museum of Thoughts While Watching CNN

    "One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision." – Bertrand Russell

    Museum of Unlikely Matchups

    From a recent discussion on a certain Arb's talk page:

    You can't put a peach emoji up against Swift or Martin Luther.

    Followup fragment:

    ...the peach emoji no longer being shaped like a butt...

    Museum of Culinary Cops

    From the on-screen captions (presumably computer-generated) accompanying "The Gentleman Killer", an episode of The ID Channel's series A Crime to Remember. A retired New York police detective is describing‍—‌in a heavy, heavy Brooklyn accent‍—‌the tireless efforts of Detective Burns to crack the case:

    Burns works the street. He sweats his sauces.

    .... Bronx Fugu, anyone?? – A Man Inverts
    Followup, October 25, 2020. Wolf Blitzer (CNN) is ending an interview with a political operative. The caption reads:

    Thank you very much for urinalysis.

    Further followup, from "Blood in the Water", an episode of The Lake Erie Murders. Apparently killers are getting younger and younger; the caption reads:

    With a child killer on the loose, this formerly quiet neighborhood is now paralyzed with terror.

    Museum of Wet 'N Wild

    Photograph on display at The Typewriter: An Innovation in Writing, an exhibition of SFO Museum, "the only accredited museum in an airport":
    Actual caption: "Woman with Corona typewriter in shower, 1922"
    The Curator is offering a prize for the best answer to the question, "Why in the world would someone be typing in the shower?"
    Not a caption, but judging from the children in the background, the photo might have been taken in a country with a tropical climate, and the shower stalls might have been the coolest place in the building (it's even possible that the stalls had no ceiling); the feet of the woman who is typing are wet, so she might have first cooled her feet with water before sitting down to type.  – Corinne (talk) 18:05, 29 May 2017 (UTC)
    I'm not sure I get the "Gentlemen" reference, but your typing pool idea is brilliant. EEng 00:04, 17 September 2017 (UTC)

    Museum of Excerpts from Novels I Didn't Finish Reading

    From the 2008 novel, Alive in Necropolis, by Doug Dorst – and yes it's that Phineas Gage:

    I entered the building and found two individuals inside along with several old-fashioned airplanes in various stages of construction. I recognized one individual as Phineas Gage... According to Mr. Gage, Mr. Beachey faulted himself for encouraging her to go roller-skating unaccompaned, telling her it would be safe for her to do so, and for failing generally to keep her safe. As we spoke, Mr. Gage was hit by a piece of an engine that I think may have been a carburetor.

    Museum of Plot Summaries We Didn't Finish Reading

    From the article on the science-fiction film Zardoz, in which Sean Connery appears as Zed, "the last man capable of an erection" wearing "a red nappy, knee-high leather boots, pony tail and Zapata moustache":

    Genetic analysis reveals he is the ultimate result of long-running eugenics experiments devised by Arthur Frayn—who is Zardoz—who controlled the outlands with the Exterminators, thus coercing the Brutals to supply the Vortices with grain. Zardoz's aim was to breed a superman who would penetrate the Vortex and save mankind from its hopelessly stagnant status quo. The women's analysis of Zed's mental images earlier had revealed that in the ruins of the old world Arthur Frayn first encouraged Zed to learn to read, then led him to the book The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

    Museum of Sustainable Practices

    From the article Panama Canal Railway:

    Disease and exhaustion took a heavy toll on workers, in part because the connection between mosquitoes and malaria would not be discovered for another 40 years. The Panama Canal Railroad Company sold the corpses to medical schools abroad, using the income to maintain the company hospital.

    Museum of Possessive Rabbis

    From The Chicago Manual of Style Online's Q&A page:

    Q. My question is about the proper font of a boat name as a possessive as in “the Ibis’s lower decks.” CMOS 8.115 says italics for the boat’s name; 6.2 specifies the use of italics when the punctuation is part of the word. This seems a Talmudic moment. Thanks.

    A. Ah – although the boat name is properly in italics, the apostrophe and s are not, because they are not actually part of the name. Please see 7.28. Shalom.

    Museum of Indiscriminate Bibliographies

    From Keynes, A Treatise on Probability:

    I have not read all these books myself, but I have read more of them than it would be good for any one to read again. There are here enumerated many dead treatises and ghostly memoirs. The list is too long, and I have not always successfully resisted the impulse to add to it in the spirit of a collector. There are not above a hundred of these which it would be worth while to preserve – if only it were securely ascertained which these hundred are. At present a bibliographer takes pride in numerous entries; but he would be a more useful fellow, and the labours of research would be lightened, if he could practise deletion and bring into existence an accredited Index Expurgatorius.

    Museum of Mark Twain

    From Mark Twain, "The Unconscious Community of Genius":

    Well, of course, I wrote Doctor Holmes and told him I hadn’t meant to steal, and he wrote back and said in the kindest way that it was all right and no harm done; and added that he believed we all unconsciously worked over ideas gathered in reading and hearing, imagining they were original with ourselves. He stated a truth, and did it in such a pleasant way, and salved over my sore spot so gently and healingly, that I was rather glad I had committed the crime, for the sake of the letter.

    Museum of Yet More MOSsy Thoughts

    From a comment by the ever-wise Herostratus at Talk:MOS [156]:

    Possibly the best solution would be a line at the beginning of each article containing a couple dozen commas, and also some semicolons, quotation marks, and so forth. The reader could then be instructed to mentally sprinkle them throughout the text in whatever manner she finds pleasing.

    Museum of Tipping Points

    Leader of the free world with Donald Trump

    Museum of Yummy

    From the article Pontefract cake (apparently a kind of candy) – which includes this image:


    The term "cake" has a long history. The word itself is of Viking origin, from the Old Norse word "kaka".

    Museum of bad copypasta

    From Wikipedia:In the news/Candidates following this erroneous copy and paste
    "Perhaps Taylor Swift is also a nuclear engineer on top of being a singer?? Now I understand why she won Person of the Year" PrecariousWorlds (talk) 11:36, 7 December 2023 (UTC) [157]
    Ah, my favorite: Forever & Always! Martinevans123 (talk) 13:22, 7 December 2023 (UTC)

    Hey, don't be so dismissive. Remember, Hedy Lamarr invented a torpedo guidance system. And then of course there's the Desperate Housewives Research Institute. EEng 18:37, 7 December 2023 (UTC)

    ... and this year's "must have" Christmas stocking filler. Martinevans123 (talk) 19:14, 7 December 2023 (UTC)

    Museum of Leaden Irony

    From the change history for the article Linotype machine:

    (cur | prev)     🔘  03:01, May 11, 2017Benh57 (User_talk:Benh57|talk | contribs)‎ m . . (28,937 bytes) (-1)‎ . . (typo) (undo | thank)

    Museum of And Some People Say There's No Such Thing as Reincarnation

    "I shall return!"

    Museum of Wish I'd Thought of That (Gendered Obscenity Edition)

    Hatnote at the top of the article Cockblock:

    Museum of What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (redux)

    From Ma Anand Sheela:

    Sheela attempted to influence the Wasco County Court's November election and capture the two open seats by busing in hundreds of homeless people from within Oregon as well as outside, and registering them as county voters. Later, when that effort failed, Sheela conspired, in 1984, to use "bacteria and other methods to make people ill" and prevent them from voting. As a result, the salad bars at ten local restaurants were infected with salmonella and about 750 people became ill ...

    For these crimes Sheela was sentenced to three, 20 year terms in federal prison, to be served concurrently ... In December 1988, she was released on good behavior after serving twenty-nine months of her 20-year sentence and moved to Switzerland. Sheela married Swiss resident, Urs Birnstiel, a fellow Rajneesh follower. There she bought and managed two nursing homes.

    Museum of Amusing Anecdotes

    Turnspit dog at work
    From the article on Turnspit dogs – dogs trained to run in a kind of squirrel-cage to turn roasting meat on a spit:

    The dogs were also taken to church to serve as foot warmers. One story says that during service at a church in Bath, the Bishop of Gloucester gave a sermon and uttered the line "It was then that Ezekiel saw the wheel...". At the mention of the word wheel several turnspit dogs, who had been brought to church as foot warmers, ran for the door.

    Museum of The Curse of the Global Replace

    From "Honey bee revealed in genome code" (Associated Press, October 25, 2006):

    LONDON (Reuters) – Scientists have unraveled the genetic code of the honey bee, uncovering clues about its complex social behavior, heightened sense of smell and African origins. It is the third insect to have its genome mapped and joins the fruit fly and mosquito in the exclusive club.

    The honey bee, or Apis mellifera, evolved more slowly than the other insects but has more genes related to smell. "In biology and biomedicine, honey bees are used to study many diverse areas, including allergic diseases, development, gerontology, neuroscience, social behavior and venom toxicology," said Gene Robinson, director of the University of Illinois Bee Research Facility and one of the leaders of the project. "The honey bee genome project is ushering in a bright era of bee research for the benefit of agriculture, biological research and human health," he added.

    With its highly evolved social structure of tens of thousands of worker bees commanded by Queen Elizabeth, the honey bee genome could also improve the search for genes linked to social behavior. But the consortium of scientists, who reported the findings in the journal Nature, said a comprehensive analysis of the honey bee and other species will be needed to understand its social life.

    Queen Elizabeth has 10 times the lifespan of workers and lays up to 2,000 eggs a day. Despite having tiny brains, honey bees display honed cognitive abilities and learn to associate a flower's color, shape, and scent with food, which increases its foraging ability.

    Museum of Just In Case You Think It Can't Really Happen

    From "Oaklanders Who Refuse to Display Flag Face Arrest", The San Francisco Chronicle April 15, 1917 (p.40):

    Failure of Oaklanders to display flags in their homes, places of business and on their vehicles and attempts to hold meetings to protest against local men going to European trenches will result in jail sentences, according to an edict issued by Mayor John L. Davie. The Mayor added that the mass meeting planned for Monday night by the Women’s Home Protective League as a demonstration against sending troops to the trenches will not be permitted. The edict, in part, follows:

    To the People of Oakland: The Oakland city charter gives the Mayor the control of the Police department in perilous times such as these, and I give warning to the lukewarm citizens that I will exercise this authority to the extreme letter of the law. ... Unless the citizens of the city immediately respond to the call for a manifestation of their allegiance to this country, and unless the agitators ... cease their activity, they will all be arrested and interned as enemies of our country. This is the last word. Display your flags. Take no part in any demonstrations that in any way seek to undermine the dictates of our government.
    Very truly yours, John L. Davie

    Museum of Better Reword That (Redux)

    From the article on barrister Robert Rinder:

    Rinder was called to the bar in 2001 after graduating from the University of Manchester, starting his pupillage at 2 Paper Buildings after going straight from University into law because of his double first. Rinder then became a tenant at 2 Hare Court. He went on to specialise in international fraud, money laundering and other forms of financial crime.

    Museum of You Can't Always Tell a Harvard Man

    From Richard Bradley, Harvard Rules: The Struggle for the Soul of the World's Most Powerful University (2011):

    In 1960 the faculty voted to publish Harvard diplomas in English rather than the traditional Latin, and a horde of cranky undergraduates descended on Loeb House, then the president's residence. "Latin Si, Pusey No", the students chanted. The president came out of his house and addressed the crowd‍—‌in Latin. Since virtually none of the students had any idea what he was saying, the protest quickly fizzled.

    The Curator, in all honestly, has reason to believe this anecdote may be not be completely accurate, but it's too good not to pass on.

    Museum of God's Metaphors for the Trump Administration

    Museum of Failure to Launch

    From a letter threatening a $1 billion lawsuit against librarian Jeffrey Beall for his activities in identifying predatory open access publishers:

    Let us at the outset warn you that this is a very perilous journey for you and you will be completely exposing yourself to serious legal implications including criminal cases lunched against you in INDIA and USA.

    Museum of Fixed Gazes

    From Alison Martino, "Vintage Los Angeles: The Tragedy of Hamburger Hamlet" Los Angeles Magazine (January 2, 2014):

    A contract player for Warner Bros in the 40s, Harry is better remembered for Key Largo, which he stared in with Humphrey Bogart, Edward G Robinson, Lauren Bacall, and Claire Trevor.

    Museum of The Varieties of Religious Experience

    From the article on Bliss Knapp, "an early Christian Science lecturer, practitioner, teacher and the author of The Destiny of the Mother Church":

    Bliss Knapp's first lecture was given in White Mountains, New Hampshire, and was introduced by one of Mrs. Eddy's students, Miss Emma C. Shipman with whom only a few decades before, as a child, he had enjoyed an entertaining pillow fight.

    Museum of Aptonymy

    From the References section of Phineas Gage:

    Tow, Peter Macdonald (1955). Personality changes following frontal leucotomy: a clinical and experimental study of the functions of the frontal lobes in man. With a foreword by Sir Russell Brain.

    Museum of No Stone Unturned

    From Murder of Bernard Oliver:

    Police in the Bernard Oliver murder investigation announced their intention to interview all of the homosexual men in London.

    Museum of Charming Old-World Ways

    From the article on Lenny Montana, who portrayed Luca Brasi in The Godfather: 

    Montana became involved with the Colombo crime family in the late 1960s. Tall and very heavily built, his talents were mostly as an enforcer and an arsonist. He would tie a tampon to the tail of a mouse, dip it in kerosene, light it, and let the mouse run through a building, or he would put a candle in front of a cuckoo clock so that when the clock's bird would pop out the candle would be knocked over and start a fire.

    Museum of The Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes to You

    From the article Warren Gulley:

    He spent the next 11 years in charge of the White House Military Office, which was then responsible for the nuclear football, Air Force One, Marine One, the White House Communications Agency, and the White House Mess.

    Comment: It's unfortunate Mr. Gulley is dead, since right now the White House could sure use someone with experience in that last area.

    Museum of What a Way to Go

    From "Loss of Prominent Young Man Keenly Felt by Students" in the November 12, 1924 issue of Central Normal Life, the newspaper of Central Michigan Normal School:

    His death resulted from injuries received while serving the United States in the World War. Being severely wounded in France while drinking hot chocolate ...

    Museum of Be Prepared! (personal hygiene edition)

    From the article University of Texas Tower Shooting, describing the homicidal preparations made by Charles Whitman, a former United States Marine and (ahem) Eagle Scout:

    Whitman sawed off the barrel and butt stock of the shotgun, then packed it into his footlocker along with a Remington 700 6-mm bolt-action hunting rifle, a .35-caliber pump rifle, a .30-caliber carbine (M1), a 9-mm Luger pistol, a Galesi-Brescia .25-caliber pistol, a Smith & Wesson M19 .357 Magnum revolver, and over 700 rounds of ammunition. He also packed food, coffee, vitamins, Dexedrine, Excedrin, earplugs, jugs of water, matches, lighter fluid, rope, binoculars, a machete, three knives, a transistor radio, toilet paper, a razor, and a bottle of deodorant.

    Museum of Badges of Honor

    From Lady-in-waiting of the Imperial Court of Russia:

    The Fräulein would only wear the Empress or Grand Duchess' initials in diamonds, pinned to their left shoulder. In the 18th century, some of them were granted the right to wear a goat in their hairdress.

    Museum of That's My Story and I'm Sticking to It

    From "WHISKEY WAS FOR BABY. Plea Entered by Charlestown Woman When Police Raided House." (The Boston Herald, May 20, 1907, p.12, c.3):

    Claiming she kept whiskey mixed with cod liver oil on hand to feed her 8-month-old infant, Mrs. Jennie Lawless protested against the seizure of the liquor when her house at 5 Smith Street, Charlestown, was raided yesterday. Forty-five bottles of ale were also kept on hand, presumably for baby's use.

    When asked to produce the cod liver oil which which she said she mixed the whiskey, Mrs. Lawless stated that unfortunately she was just out.

    Museum of Monster in a Box

    From a comment on user_talk:Oshwah:

    The penitent line, "We have crated a Frankenstein" is still vivid in my memory.

    Museum of the Dismal Science

    From positronic brain:

    Specialized brains created for overseeing world economics were stated to have no personality at all.

    Museum of Can You Top This?

    "You think that's creepy? I was married to Charles Manson..."

    Museum of The Slippery Slope of Same-Sex Marriage

    From Lyle and Erik Menendez:

    Since entering prison, both brothers have married.

    Museum of Which Is Worse?

    From the "Criticism" section of the article on IKEA:
    Verdana typeface

    In 2009, IKEA changed the typeface used in its catalogue from Futura to Verdana...

    Founder

    Ikea was founded by a former Nazi...

    Museum of Unmentionables

    From an overhasty post, by the curator, at WP Talk:MOS:

    There's no script that can even pretend to enforce V, NPOV, UNDIE, and so on.

    Museum of Like Clockwork

    From a discussion of a proposal that editors receive admin privileges automatically after one year and 3000 mainspace edits. (Note: Newbies may not know the history required to appreciate this, and I'm certainly not gonna explain it. Sorry.)

    365 days after that policy is implemented, probably to the minute, the block logs will explode. Mind you, we could always implement compression. The string "Eric Corbett" repeated 135 thousand times wouldn't take up that much space.

    MOSsy thoughts

    If you were directed here for MOSsy thoughts, see WP:MOSBLOAT.

    Museum of I Hope You're Wearing Clean Pants

    From the directions for Trader Joe's Burrata, Prosciutto & Arugula Flatbread:

    Pre-heat oven to 450°F; remove flatbread from packaging, place on a baking sheet and sit on counter top while oven preheats.

    On the plus side, you rarely see packaged-food directions that use semicolons (much less properly).

    Museum of May We Recommend

    Wisdom from User:Guy Macon

    If one person keeps getting into disputes with a bunch of different people over a long period of time, eventually you have to stop and consider what the common factor in all of the conflicts is. "There once was a drunk driver who was driving the wrong way on the freeway. Upon hearing on the radio (over the honking horns) that there was a drunk driver who was driving the wrong way on the freeway, he peered through his windshield, noticed all of the headlights heading toward him, and exclaimed 'My God! There are dozens of them!!'"
    Rather than thinking of admins as 8-foot tall cannabalistic monsters armed with a chainsaw and a sack of grenades, I prefer to think of them as giant cybertanks with no self-awareness. "They are simply engines of destruction, doing what they are programmed to do."
    In videogames, The Super Mario Effect is as follows: When Mario gets a power up that turns him into Super Mario, a mistake that would normally kill him as ordinary Mario simply turns him from Super Mario to ordinary Mario, then he has to make another mistake to be killed. Likewise when an administrator does something that would get an ordinary editor indefinitely blocked, he is desysopped, turning him into an ordinary editor. Then he has to do something else wrong to be actually blocked.

    Wisdom from Michael Polanyi

    From Michael Polanyi, "The Republic of Science: Its Political and Economic Theory" (1962) (and note the quaint reference to "women" shelling peas!):

    The first thing to make clear is that scientists, freely making their own choice of problems and pursuing them in the light of their own personal judgment, are in fact co-operating as members of a closely knit organization. The point can be settled by considering the opposite case where individuals are engaged in a joint task without being in any way coordinated. A group of women shelling peas work at the same task, but their individual efforts are not co-ordinated. The same is true of a team of chess players. This is shown by the fact that the total amount of peas shelled and the total number of games won will not be affected if the members of the group are isolated from each other. Consider by contrast the effect which a complete isolation of scientists would have on the progress of science. Each scientist would go on for a while developing problems derived from the information initially available to all. But these problems would soon be exhausted, and in the absence of further information about the results achieved by others, new problems of any value would cease to arise, and scientific progress would come to a standstill.

    This shows that the activities of scientists are in fact coordinated, and it also reveals the principle of their co-ordination. This consists in the adjustment of the efforts of each to the hitherto achieved results of the others. We may call this a coordination by mutual adjustment of independent initiatives – of initiatives which are co-ordinated because each takes into account all the other initiatives operating within the same system.

    When put in these abstract terms the principle of spontaneous coordination of independent initiatives may sound obscure. So let me illustrate it by a simple example. Imagine that we are given the pieces of a very large jigsaw puzzle, and suppose that for some reason it is important that our giant puzzle be put together in the shortest possible time. We would naturally try to speed this up by engaging a number of helpers; the question is in what manner these could be best employed. Suppose we share out the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle equally among the helpers and let each of them work on his lot separately. It is easy to see that this method, which would be quite appropriate to a number of women shelling peas, would be totally ineffectual in this case, since few of the pieces allocated to one particular assistant would be found to fit together. We could do a little better by providing duplicates of all the pieces to each helper separately, and eventually somehow bring together their several results. But even by this method the team would not much surpass the performance of a single individual at his best. The only way the assistants can effectively co-operate, and surpass by far what any single one of them could do, is to let them work on putting the puzzle together in sight of the others so that every time a piece of it is fitted in by one helper, all the others will immediately watch out for the next step that becomes possible in consequence. Under this system, each helper will act on his own initiative, by responding to the latest achievements the others, and the completion of their joint task will be great accelerated. We have here in a nutshell the way in which a series of independent initiatives are organized to a joint achievement by mutually adjusting themselves at every successive stage to the situation created by all the others who are acting likewise.

    Such self-co-ordination of independent initiatives leads to a joint result which is unpremeditated by any of those who bring it about. Their co-ordination is guided as by 'an invisible hand' towards the joint discovery of a hidden system of things. Since its end-result is unknown, this kind of co-operation can only advance stepwise, and the total performance will be the best possible if each consecutive step is decided upon by the person most competent to do so. We may imagine this condition to be fulfilled for the fitting together of a jigsaw puzzle if each helper watches out for any new opportunities arising along a particular section of the hitherto completed patch of the puzzle, and also keeps an eye on a particular lot of pieces, so as to fit them in wherever a chance presents itself. The effectiveness of a group of helpers will then exceed that of any isolated member, to the extent to which some member of the group will always discover a new chance for adding a piece to the puzzle more quickly than any one isolated person could have done by himself. Any attempt to organize the group of helpers under a single authority would eliminate their independent initiatives and thus reduce their joint effectiveness to that of the single person directing them from the centre. It would, in effect, paralyse their cooperation.

    Essentially the same is true for the advancement of science by independent initiatives adjusting themselves consecutively to the results achieved by all the others...

    Museum of Possibly Overanxious fact Taggings

    See [161]:

    Normally humans have five digits on each hand.[citation needed]

    Museum of unexpected section headings

    ... looking at the image there, maybe it should be re-named Semen on carpets?? Martinevans123 (talk) 15:45, 1 December 2016 (UTC)
    You're disgusting. Please visit often. EEng 19:32, 1 December 2016 (UTC)
    Can we talk about part of his last name being Cumming? The man was born for that line.Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 02:24, 12 December 2016 (UTC)
    Facepalm Facepalm Apparently we can, since it's the next bullet point below here... EEng 02:39, 12 December 2016 (UTC)

    I mentioned, that in doubt Soviet official sources and not semen's talk. I show that and found out some other sorces to confirm, that the semen said correct and Wikipedia was agree, that the my Ship's articles are not otiginal recearch.

    Also possibly related (and certainly alarming) item, from Dan Johnson (Kentucky politician), whose Heart of Fire Church "featured toplessness, cigarette-smoking, underage drinking, anti-Islamism, and a tattoo parlor":

    The church used the money to buy the chancel it was leasing, and build a new fellowship hall-cum-bar.

    Department of aptonyms

    From a fascinating recent ANI discussion:

    A recent history of male homosexuality in the nineteenth century, H.G. Cocks’s Nameless Offences (2010) ...

    Additional information:

    The H stands for Harry. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. Harry G. Cocks.

    Excercise:

    Q: Use the phrase "Harry Cocks" in a sentence.
    A: "Harry Cocks is a Patron of LGBT History Month." [162]

    Museum of Thwarted Love

    From Homosexual behavior in animals:

    Two male vultures at the Allwetter Zoo in Muenster built a nest together, although they were picked on and their nest materials were often stolen by other vultures. They were eventually separated to try to promote breeding by placing one of them with female vultures, despite the protests of German homosexual groups.

    Museum of Biting Criticism

    From Baudelaire's evaluation of Sir Walter Scott [163]:

    A fastidious mass of descriptions of bric-a-brac, a heap of old and castoff things of every sort, armor, tableware, furniture, gothic inns, and melodramatic castles where lifeless mannequins stalk about, dressed in leotards ...

    Museum of Catalog Entries that Merit a Trip to the Library

    From Harvard's Online Archival Search and Information System (OASIS), call number H MS c439:

    Bigelow, Henry Jacob, 1818–1890. Papers, 1840s–1856 (inclusive), 1848–1855 (bulk). Box 1, Folder 84, Dr. Daywards' great breast.

    Museum of Unfortunate Choices

    Headline, Daily Mail, September 1, 2015:

    Teen impersonating a police officer gets arrested after he tries to pull over an off-duty cop.

    Museum of Credit Where Credit Is Due

    From the File Description Page File:Human_Feces.jpg at Wikimedia Commons:

    Description: Produced by myself on 2006-05-28. Photographed by myself, in a toilet, shortly thereafter. Yes, this is real. It is what it is. If you use this image, I would appreciate a credit.

    Museum of Talk About Getting the Government Out of the Bedroom!

    From California's Proposition 60, "The California Safer Sex in the Adult Film Industry Act", to be voted on November 8, 2016:

    (g) A legible sign shall be displayed at all times at the location where an adult film is filmed in a conventional typeface not smaller than 48-point font, that provides the following notice so as to be clearly visible to all adult film performers in said adult films: The State of California requires the use of condoms for all acts of vaginal or anal intercourse during the production of adult films to protect performers.

    Museum of Typos

    From [164]:

    In August, when the local news reported that a 6-foot 9-inch dead surgeon washed up on the shores of Isle La Motte, my first reaction was this particular doctor could have played professional basketball instead of practicing medicine.

    Museum of The March of Science

    From Fecal microbiota transplant:

    In the United States, the Food and Drug Administration has regulated human feces as an experimental drug since 2013.

    Museum of Can't Anybody Here Play This Game?

    From the San Francisco Chronicle's Sporting Green, September 11, 2016:

    Last Sunday, Breast Cancer Awareness Day, the A's gave away 10,000 pairs of pink wristbands. So far, so good. But alert fan Kyle Watry noticed that each pack carried a warning: "This product may contain chemicals... known to cause cancer or birth defects or other reproductive harm."

    Museum of Only So Many Ways to Phrase It

    From a discussion in Michael Pitt-Rivers of a prosecution for, um, buggery:

    In the summer of 1953, Lord Montagu of Beaulieu offered his friend Peter Wildeblood the use of a beach hut near his country estate. Wildeblood brought with him two young RAF servicemen, Edward McNally and John Reynolds. The four were joined by Montagu's cousin Michael Pitt-Rivers. At the subsequent trial, the two airmen turned Queen's Evidence.

    Museum of How The Mighty Have Fallen

    Related item, from the article Buggery ...

    In 2012 a man was convicted of this offence for supplying a dog in 2008 to a woman who had intercourse with it and died; he received a suspended sentence and was required to sign the sex offender registry, ending his career as a bus driver.

    Museum of Security Koans

    From a discussion on CNN about a recent airport security breach:

    What we have to remember is that nothing is 100% anything.

    Museum of Muscular Imagery

    The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and riffle their pockets for new vocabulary.

    —James Nicoll

    Museum of Sometimes I Wonder Why I Bother

    Graph of recent pagesviews counts for my essay WP:Wikipedia is not about whining:

    Click here for the sad truth

    Museum of the Ignorant Non-Notable Masses

    10 Things Wikipedia Says Are More Notable Than You (and check out what's first on the list!).

    Museum of Survival of the Fitness

    From Wikipedia:WikiProject Health and fitness:

    This WikiProject is believed to be semi-active. Activity is slower than it once was.

    Museum of Better Than Nothing

    From James_Henry_Pullen:

    Once, when Pullen developed an obsession to marry a townswoman he fancied, the staff mollified him by giving him an admiral's uniform instead.

    Museum of People with Nothing Better to Do

    https://en.wikipedia.org/?diff=726160738 (note the dates on the diff and the original post)

    Museum of Bedside Manners

    From "The Limbic System with Respect to Two Basic Life Principles", in The Central Nervous System and Behavior: Transactions of the Second Conference (1959):

    We have had a number of patients who have had very strong suicidal tendencies. The one I spoke of brought 155 razor blades, 17 knives, and two loaded guns into the therapeutic hour, and on one occasion she cut her wrists. I showed her how to hold her arms so she wouldn't drip on my couch.

    Later in the same discussion:

    He experienced what I would call a real culinary orgasm.

    And...

    These fantasies of eating can alternate with sexual fantasies. This was quite clear during the last war, when we all were a little hungry and a little impotent.

    Museum of great things Galbraith said

    And interesting things his son said

    (After learning that a political rival, who had criticized the son for funding his own campaign, had himself loaned his campaign $95,000)

    Museum of Pick Your Poison

    From Manure management:

    In high concentrations manure can lethally asphyxiate humans. There is also a drowning danger.

    Museum of WP:The Wrong Version

    From an ANI thread:

    The world wide web has been semi protected by Nyttend for ten days.

    Museum of Better Reword That

    From a discussion at WT:Manual of Style/Images:

    I would like to propose the repeal of the language in this guideline which forbids the inclusion of image galleries in articles about human ethnic groups ... Even articles about sub-species groupings directly analogous to human ethnic groups, such as Maine Coon, include images of their subjects.

    Museum of Really, Really Better Reword That

    From the same discussion‍—‌and by the same editor!‍—‌two weeks later (and I am not making this up):

    A great deal of objection to the repeal of NOETHNICGALLERIES seems to center around the difficulties of classifying people according to fine-grained groupings visually. I would suggest, therefore, that we allow image galleries for ethnic groups at the highest level, i.e. White people, but continue to disallow them for low-level subgroups, i.e. Slavs.

    Museum of Those Lustie Tudors

    From Henry VIII of England:

    He was skilled on the lute, could play the organ, and was a talented player of the virginals.

    Museum of Cheap Followups

    Not from anything:

    Q: Why did Bach have so many children?

    Museum of Noted for Future Reference

    From "Dancing in San Francisco, Hygienically Considered", San Francisco Medical Press, January 1862, p.26:

    It is the peculiar condition of the nervous system, probably produced by the electrical condition of the air, that causes so much insanity in California ... The climate of San Francisco is peculiarly favorable to Dancing [but] there is one correction that ought to be made in the present system of dancing here. The dancing, both in public and private are, for the most part, continued too long.

    Museum of Legal Aptonymy

    From WP:Biographies_of_living_persons/Noticeboard/Archive126#David_Goodwillie:

    David Goodwillie has had his rape charge dropped.

    Museum of More Than a Coincidence?

    From Human Interference Task Force, about early attempts to devise a means of warning cultures in the far-distant future not to intrude on radioactive waste sites:

    French author Françoise Bastide and the Italian semiotician Paolo Fabbri proposed the breeding of so called "radiation cats" or "ray cats". Cats have a long history of cohabitation with humans, and this approach assumes that their domestication will continue indefinitely. These radiation cats would change significantly in color when they came near radioactive emissions and serve as living indicators of danger.

    From the article on the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant, a radioactive waste disposal site":

    The source of contamination was later found to be a barrel that exploded on February 14 because contractors at Los Alamos National Laboratory packed it with organic cat litter instead of clay cat litter.

    Museum of Unclear Enunciation

    A now-deleted hatnote to the article on Play-Doh:

    This article is about the children's modeling material. For the ancient Greek philosopher, see Plato.

    Museum of Yes, I Think You've Put Your Finger On It

    From a discussion of someone's crackpot theories about Hitler in Esoteric Nazism:

    She saw his defeat‍—‌and the forestalling of his vision from coming to fruition‍—‌as a result of him being "too magnanimous, too trusting, too good".

    Museum of Timeless Wisdom

    From wiktionary:in_the_land_of_the_blind,_the_one-eyed_man_is_king:
    Proverb

    in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king

    1. Among others with a disadvantage or disability, the one with the mildest disadvantage or disability is regarded as the greatest.
    2. Even someone without much talent or ability is considered special by those with no talent or ability at all.
    3. Someone that can see his actions transpire in determination makes the most out of every other thing disconnected

    Museum of Urgent Matters

    From a recent actual ANI report (bolding as in the original):

    Background: A series of IPs (virtually all geolocating to the same Canadian city) have been edit warring since late February to incorrectly state that the Canadian Cadbury Caramilk is a chocolate bar rather than a candy bar.

    Museum of Unusual Career Paths

    From the article on Hedy Lamarr:

    Hedy Lamarr (/ˈhɛdi/; born Hedwig Eva Maria Kiesler, 9 November 1914 – 19 January 2000)[a] was an Austrian and American film actress and inventor of radio guidance technology.

    Museum of Well, They Do Like the Trains to Run on Time

    From the article on George Lincoln Rockwell, founder of the American Nazi Party, who was killed by a Party member in front of a laundromat:

    The cemetery specified that no Nazi insignia could be displayed, and when the fifty mourners violated these conditions the entrance to the cemetery was blocked in a five-hour standoff, during which the hearse (which had been stopped on railroad tracks near the cemetery) was nearly struck by an approaching train.

    Museum of Scholarly Disputation

    From a discussion of why the earth's motion doesn't cause buildings to fall down, in The Mathematical and Philosophical Works of the Right Rev. John Wilkins, Late Lord Bishop of Chester: To which is Prefix'd the Author's Life, and an Account of His Works; in Two Volumes, (reprinting A discourse concerning a new planet tending to prove, that ’tis probable our Earth is one of the planets, 1640):

    The motion of the earth is always equal and like itself; not by starts and fits. If a glass of beer may stand firmly enough in a ship, when it moves swiftly upon a smooth stream, much less then will the motion of the earth, which is more natural, and so consequently more equal, cause any danger unto those buildings that are erected upon it ... But supposing (saith Rosse) that this motion were natural to the earth, yet it is not natural to towns and buildings, for these are artificial.

    To which I answer: ha, ha, he.

    (I like the beer reference. As someone wrote, "Our fathers ... closely associated the thirst for learning and that for beer.")

    Museum of "You don't say!"

    From John Vassall:

    Although his father was an Anglican priest, his mother converted to Roman Catholicism (a fact which led to some tensions in their marriage).

    Museum of Edible Edits

    A perhaps over-tired, or ravenously hungry, Ricky81682 commenting at ANI [165]:

    And if the OP doesn't bother to respond, I say we close this and ask the editor on their talk page to provide a coherent, succulent description of their concerns.

    See also this tempting edit summary: [166]

    Museum of Words that Bug Me

    From the Australian Broadcasting Corporation's "Public Report on Audience Comments and Complaints, April–June 2006":

    The 7.30 Report, 18 April 2006
    The complaint: A viewer complained that a report caption referred to an “entomologist” as an “etymologist”.
    Finding: The ABC agreed that this was incorrect.

    Museum of How Was Your Day, Dear?

    From List of fatal bear attacks in North America:

    Earl, a zookeeper at the Cleveland Brookside Zoo, was mauled by a brown bear while feeding it in its pen. After a vicious struggle, police shot the bear. Earl was also mistakenly shot, but it was determined that he was already dead. Earlier in the day, Earl had been fired from his job.

    Museum of You Can't Always Get What You Want, But Sometimes You Get What You Need

    From an online comment about Vittorio De Sica's masterpiece The Bicycle Thief:

    I read that Bicycle Thieves is one of Leonardo DiCaprio's favorite movies of all time. I saw it. It just ended abruptly. I was really hopeful for a happy ending that he would win his bike back but rather he ends up with no bike in the end.

    Museum of Precision Diagnoses

    From the 10th revision of the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems:

    Sample combinations:

    Museum of Hope Springs Eternal

    From the Classifieds section of Mission Hill Gazette, a Boston neighborhood newspaper:

    Boston Brakers power soccer
    Practices 1st, 2nd, 3rd Saturdays of the month, noon-2pm, Tobin Community Center, 1481 Tremont Street.

    Yoga for Older Adults
    Saturdays through May, 10am. Yoga props and mats are provided, wear clothes that you can move in comfortably. Parker Hill Branch Library, 1497 Tremont St.

    $5 Million Reward
    for information leading directly to the return of 13 works of art stolen two decades ago from the Gardner Museum. Anonymous tips can be mailed to 280 The Fenway.

    Museum of Mixing Business and Pleasure

    From The Signpost article, "Revenge of 'I can’t believe we didn’t have an article on ...'":

    Esther Applin was a super-awesome geologist who discovered that microfossils could be used for dating purposes.

    Alternatively, Tryptofish suggests [167] she could use Radiometric dating to land a hot date.

    Museum of What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

    From "Mommy Dearest", an episode of the I-swear-I-was-just-flipping-channels true-crime program A Stranger in My Home. Mabel (82) and Cathie (57) are a mother and daughter who have just moved from their too-small trailer to a house.

    Mabel and Cathie would love for Cathie's sons, Travis and Morgan, to move in and help out around the house. There's only one problem: they're both in prison on burglary and fraud charges, and won't be released for several years. But Cathie's sons have a solution in the short term. They introduce Mabel and Cathie to their fellow inmate Edward Caldwell ... He was going to get out soon, and he would be needing a room to rent. Mabel invites Edward to move into the now-empty trailer, and in return he will help her and Cathie around their house.

    Museum of It's a Dirty Job, But Someone's Gotta Do It

    From The Railway Surgeon (1895):

    During the past few years it has been my privilege to treat some hundreds of railway employees for various rectal diseases.

    And from the very same page, some old-timey medical humor (I guess):

    Some Clinical Thermometer Notes ... Another was a hospital ward patient, his cot being the second the physician visited on making his rounds. The patient begged one day to change beds with his neighbor, and when pressed for his reason he declared that he had got tired of having the glass put in his mouth after it had been into his neighbor's rectum. He wanted it put into his mouth before the other fellow's temperature was taken.

    More dirty jobs

    From a letter by Abbott Lawrence Lowell to his cousin William Lawrence, describing efforts to extract a donation from J.P. Morgan:

    When I cease to be President of Harvard College I shall join one of the mendicant orders, so as to have less begging to do.

    Yet more dirty jobs

    From the post "The Decline of Free Speech in American Universities" in something called University Ranking Watch:

    St Mary's University of Minnesota: An adjunct classics professor was fired for sexual harassment which may have had something to do with an authentic production of Seneca's Medea. He was also fired from his other job as a janitor (!).

    Confusing related item:

    Marquette University: John McAdams was [dismissed] for criticising an instructor for suppressing a student's negative comments about same-sex marriage.

    Museum of Travel Broadens One

    From an ever-so-slightly, if unintentionally, suggestive "Google Reviews" comment on Harvard's Widener Library:

    A beautiful library at the heart of Harvard's campus. Please note that entrance requires Harvard affiliation, so as to prevent hordes of tourists from disrupting students' studying. Having had the privilege of entering widened I can say that it's truly gigantic.

    .... [168]

    Museum of He Did It His Way

    From My Way killings:

    The "My Way" killings are a social phenomenon in the Philippines, referring to a number of fatal disputes which arose due to the singing of the song "My Way" in Karaoke bars ... On May 29, 2007, a 29-year-old karaoke singer of "My Way" at a bar in San Mateo, Rizal, was shot dead as he sang the tune, allegedly by the bar's security guard. According to reports, the guard complained that the young man's rendition was off-key, and when the victim refused to stop singing, the guard pulled out a .38-caliber pistol and shot the man dead.

    And from the same article:

    In Thailand, a man was arrested on charges that he shot to death eight neighbors, one of whom was his brother-in-law, in a dispute stemming from several karaoke offerings, including repeated renditions of John Denver's "Take Me Home, Country Roads".

    He also did it his way

    From Evan O'Neill Kane:

    He is most well known for the remarkable feat of removing his own appendix under local anaesthetic in 1921 at the age of 60. He operated on himself again at the age of 70 to repair a hernia. In many ways Kane was idiosyncratic in his practices, which included the tattooing of his patients.

    Museum of Thought Control

    Background (from an ANI thread):

    ... The purpose of Wikipedia is to build an encyclopedia, not to exchange thoughts ... Johnuniq (talk) 01:05, 13 February 2016 (UTC)
    "The purpose of Wikipedia is to build an encyclopedia, not to exchange thoughts." I hope no one takes that too much to heart and writes WP:NOPUBLICTHINKING. EEng 01:13, 13 February 2016 (UTC)


    And so, thanks to my big mouth, without further ado we give you Shock Brigade Harvester Boris's essay "WP:NOPUBLICTHINKING":<


    If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. What would your mother say?

    Wikipedia's fundamental principles are encapsulated in its "five pillars": it is an encyclopedia; it is written from a neutral point of view; its content is free to use and edit; participants are expected to act with respect and civility; there are no firm rules. These ideals carry no requirement (or even permission) for critical thinking. Indeed, there is no requirement that editors even be sentient beings‍—‌a large fraction of the project's edits are made by "bots."

    It follows that editors must not expect their colleagues to act rationally or sensibly. Criticizing another's remarks as internally inconsistent or nonsensical is uncivil regardless of the truth or falsity of such criticism, and may result in sanctions. Similarly, displays of critical thinking or logical analysis may induce feelings of inadequacy in those incapable of such activities, and consequently must be avoided. Keep your thoughts to yourself.

    Museum of Damn Statistics

    From a digression at WP:COIN.

    @EEng: thank you for making exactly my point for me. Of course it wasn't random. If my "ridiculous calculation" upsets you so much, I think you're taking this a little too seriously. Brianhe (talk) 18:55, 25 September 2015 (UTC)

    I'm taking it too seriously in the context of the subject of this thread, but not in the context of the spread of nonsense passed off as statistics, which is a serious problem given that you can turn on almost any crime show and hear some prosecutor intone gravely, "The chances of that DNA coming from anyone other than the defendant was 1 in 4 quintillion" or similar nonsense arrived at by calculations similar to yours.
    If you think what I said made your point for you, then you still don't understand. You were trying to prove that one set of user boxes was copied (or adapted, or somehow influenced) by another set of userboxes, by calculating the chance that two sets of userboxes, arrived at independently, would be the same, under the assumption that people just pick their userboxes out of a hat. But that last assumption is false (even if they're setting up their userboxes completely independently of one another), which makes the whole calculation meaningless.
    For example, let's say user A has the userboxes at right. Under your calculation User B, who now joins the project, would have only a 1/(2526*2526) = 1/(25,000,000) chance of picking the same userboxes. Ergo, if B has the same boxes as A, it's impossible to imagine he came up with them independently‍—‌he must have copied them from A. But this is obviously a ridiculous conclusion, since the majority of editors on en-wp are native speakers of English, and the majority are Americans, and the two probabilities are dependent.
    Blindly plugging numbers into statistical formulas has caused a lot of problems, as the ex-managers of the Chernobyl and Fukushima nuclear plants would be able to tell you first-hand (if they weren't both dead, of course). So please do your part to stop the senseless slaughter of nuclear-plant managers, and don't engage in meaningless combinatoric exercises and then pass them off as valid. (More seriously, people have gone to prison based on similar calculations by incompetent "experts"‍—‌see People v. Collins‍—‌so the lives of everyday people really are affected by the insidious spread of such nonsense.)

    EEng (talk) 20:10, 25 September 2015 (UTC)

    Museum of Excruciatingly Fine-Grained Editing

    From User talk:EEng:

    Hi, You have more than 2,500 edits to Phineas Gage (talk+article) ... Currently that article has more than 37,000 characters/bytes, I hope one day you will have more edits to article than number of characters in article. That will be a distinct and unique record. --Human3015

    Museum of Naughty Edits

    Synchron­masch­in­es-V-Kurv­en, zeig­nung das unter- und uber-ex­ci­ta­tions­feld­volt­age­glock­en­spiel­ge­dingdorf­schnitz­el, in Mittel ist erregt natuer­lich, wo Ein­heit des Fak­tor dem Kraft ge­fund­et hab­en sind ge­wes­en ge­habt hab­en ge­word­en sein,[1] also Not­en Sie Kom­mas for Dec­i­mal­punkten Um­steig­en. Gewesen. Da der Ex-VP so ein VIP ist, sollten wir die PK wegen der PR auf dem WC und nicht im TV machen. Dann sagt die MP zum KGB L.m.a.A.[2]
    See right.
    1. ^ Twain, M. "Die schreckliche deutsche Sprache." IEEE Trans. Tramps Abroad (1880)
    2. ^ Tomorrow is monday.

    More Naughty Edits

    From Lowell House [169]:


    And Creative Vandalism

    At List of marine aquarium invertebrate species: [170]

    Museum of Little-Known Wallace and Gromit Characters

    Lady Catherine Augusta Amelia Gladys de Burgh, Duchess of Scrotum

    Museum of Bird-Brained Ideas

    During World War II, Project Pigeon was American behaviorist B.F. Skinner's attempt to develop a pigeon-controlled guided bomb.

    [etc]
    [etc]

    Early electronic guidance systems use similar methods, only with electronic signals and processors replacing the birds.

    Museum of terrifying scenarios which must be faced unflinchingly

    I would not rule out the chance to pre­serve a nu­cle­us of non-lunatic human spec­i­mens ... Nat­u­ral­ly, they would breed pro­di­gious­ly, eh? There would be much time, and little to do.
    "If Wikipedians were to decide to ban all the loonies, only Jimbo and Gerda Arendt would be left." —User:Maunus


    See right. EEng (talk) 04:42, 18 November 2015 (UTC)

    Computer re­con­struc­tion of first gen­er­a­tion non-lunatic human spec­i­mens com­bin­ing DNA data­sets from Jimbo and Gerda as an example

    Projection of what non-lunatic human specimens would look like after one generation. See left. Viriditas (talk) 04:57, 18 November 2015 (UTC)

    50 generations

    Museum of Unfortunate Lyrics

    "Words by St. Ephrem Syrus (c A.D. 307-373), versified by G. R. W. Tune of Gathering Peascods" (found in Fritz Spiegl's The Joy of Words):

    Saint Joseph, meek and mild,
    Embraced the new-born Child,
    Then knelt upon the sod ...

    More from Spiegl:

    Stainer's 'Here in abasement' is difficult to sing without suggesting that the singer's lowly station is not spiritual but in a building...

    Museum of Things that Take You Off-Guard

    A notification from the Wikimedia "Alerts" feature:

    Dr. Young's Ideal Rectal Dilators was linked from Butt plug. 3 hours ago

    Museum of Forerunners to "Just Say No to Drugs"

    Plaque at the "Memorial to Heroic Self-Sacrifice" in London's Postman's Park.
    Gateway drug


    Several of the Memorial's plaques are quite touching:
    Mother I saved him but I could not save myself. "The two boys were crossing Commercial Street when the youngest slipped on account of the road having recently been watered. The deceased pulled his brother out of the way of an approaching cart, but in doing so was knocked down himself and he fell between the wheels, receiving terrible injuries."
    Sank with him clasped in his arms. "They ... heard one of the lads shout to the other, 'Keep up a little longer, Jim.' They rowed to the spot, and saw the two boys sink, clasped in each other's arms."

    Nonetheless the overall effect is decidedly Gorey-esque, particularly in the unlikely scenes of action and odd details sometimes supplied ...
    His parents absent in India
    High-tension chamber at Kensington
    Surprised by a train
    At a Battersea sugar refinery
    One dark night off Pimlico
    Quicksand in Lincolnshire
    At the sewage pumping works. "It is stated that the young lady to whom Rutter was to be married met with a similar disappointment to the present some two years ago, when the young man died as arrangements were being made for the wedding."
    Death under the approaching train from Kew
    ... as well as in the quaint identification of the actors' stations in life:
    Daughter of a bricklayer's labourer
    Constable saves barmaid
    A lunatic woman
    To save an aged widow
    A stranger and a foreigner
    A lady whose horses were unmanageable
    A young clergyman
    Pantomime artiste
    While we're on the subject ... From Edward Gorey:

    His characteristic pen-and-ink drawings often depict vaguely unsettling narrative scenes in Victorian and Edwardian settings ... Gorey left the bulk of his estate to a charitable trust benefiting cats and dogs, as well as other species, including bats and insects.

    Other gallants and worthies

    From one of our favorite and most highly esteemed editors, Arid Desiccant [171]:
    "Lost his life on July 13th, 1895, while saving a dog from drowning"
    "Inventor of wire ropes"
    "The first British airman to fly upside down"

    Museum of unexpected turns of the phrase

    From Daguerreotype:

    With uncommon exceptions, daguerreotypes made before 1841 were of immobile subjects such as landscapes, public or historic buildings, monuments, statuary, and still life arrangements. Attempts at portrait photography with the Chevalier lens required the sitter to face into the sun for several minutes while trying to remain motionless and look pleasant, usually producing grisly results.

    What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

    From our article on the "PEPCON disaster":

    The PEPCON plant, located in Henderson, Nevada, 10 miles (16 km) from Las Vegas, was one of only two American producers of ammonium perchlorate, an oxidizer used in solid propellant rocket boosters, including the Space Shuttle, military weapons (SLBMs launched from nuclear submarines), and non-weaponized rocket programs (Atlas, Patriot, etc.). The other producer, Kerr-McGee, was located less than 1.5 mi (2.4 km) away from the PEPCON facility, within the area that suffered some blast damage. In addition to ammonium perchlorate, the plant produced other perchlorate chemicals including sodium perchlorate. The facility also had a 16-inch (41 cm) high-pressure gas transmission line running underneath it.

    No word on the fate of the nearby nunnery with attached orphanage.
    There is indeed a nearby former nunnery!
    It's now part of some conglomerate but the closest hospital to PEPCON at the time was Catholic and its premises included A NUNNERY (with the tiniest bathroom stalls I've ever seen in my life) that is still in use as, as far as I know, the risk management department. The funnier thing to me about the PEPCON plant is the only other thing out there next to it in the desert at the time: "In addition to the PEPCON and Kerr-McGee facilities, there was also a large marshmallow factory"...
    Also, the borderline-narcoleptic Mr. Julietdeltalima was working three shifts at the time as a part-time UNLV student and SLEPT THROUGH ONE OF THE LOUDEST SOUNDS IN RECORDED HISTORY, and woke up hours later in a panic at the fact that every window in his apartment was shattered and assumed there'd been one heck of a robbery (this was before "home invasion" was a term). And, also, which I keep meaning to find a source for and add to the article, the collaboratively compiled data from home insurers regarding broken-glass claims was so comprehensive the military used/may still be using it as input for effects on physical structures after various levels of tactical explosions in urban areas. There is a lot of interesting PEPCON-explosion stuff I need to substantiate and add. - Julietdeltalima (talk) 20:26, 7 December 2023 (UTC)
    Presumably it was Saint Barbara's Nunnery (St. Barbara being the patron saint of those who work with explosives). EEng 22:30, 7 December 2023 (UTC)
    Yes, she had quite a spark about her. In the explosion, did anyone get an iron rod through the head? --Tryptofish (talk) 22:40, 7 December 2023 (UTC)

    Museum of cheesy storylines

    From List of The Archers characters with thanks to Belle the Cat

    On New Year's Day 2007, whilst driving drunk, she knocked down Mike Tucker but Tom, a passenger in the car, took the blame. The shock of this event made her reevaluate her life and she has since helped develop a new type of cheese.

    Museum of authentic national customs

    From Darden Restaurants

    [There was] considerable media attention for its detailed focus on Olive Garden, in particular the chain's "wasteful" practice of serving too many of its free unlimited breadsticks... Management... said the free breadsticks merely represented "Italian generosity."

    Museum of blood, toil, tears, and (especially) sweat

    From an ANI closure [172]

    ... as nothing of the conflict here (which I was completely unaware about) perspired in that thread I suppose uninvolved applies.

    Museum of Wise Words

    The flip side of "ownership" is the problem of editors who come to an article with a particular agenda, make the changes they want to the page according to their preconceived notions of what should be, and then flit off to their next victim, without ever considering whether the page really needed the change they made, or whether the change improved the article at all ... Their editing is an off-the-rack, one-size-fits-all proposition, premised on the idea that what improves one article, or one type of article, will automatically improve every other article or type of article ... Wikipedians should worry more about those who hit-and-run, and less about those who feel stewardship towards the articles they work so hard on.

    Beyond My Ken

    One area the hit and run editor gets involved in is the formatting ... The quality of work has increased in some areas, which makes it harder to contribute without good knowledge in the subject matter and sources. Fiddling with the formatting seems to be a suitable alternative passtime.

    Ritchie333

    • The Fourth Law of Stupidity: Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals.[173]
    • Ignorance is infinite, while patience is not. Ultimately, you will lose patience with the unchecked flow of ignorance, at which point you'll be blocked for incivility. The goal is to accomplish as much as possible before that inevitability comes to pass.
    • On Wikipedia, any form of real-life expertise is a serious handicap. If you have real-life expertise on a subject, do not under any circumstances mention it here.
    • The more abusive an editor is toward others, the more thin-skinned they are about "personal attacks" directed at themselves.

    MastCell

    Museum of Dubious Achievements

    [174]

    Museum of Additional Reasons that Warmongers Go to Hell

    Restoring this section after realizing some busybody had removed it [175]

    Lionel de Jersey Harvard. EEng (talk) 3:43 am, 1 February 2015, Sunday (4 months, 24 days ago) (UTC−5)

    Museum of Perhaps Not the Best Choice

    Believe it or not, an actual image, and actual caption, from the article Cremation

    Museum of Swell Heads

    From a source cited in Manahel Thabet, a hoax article about someone with a PhD "magna cum laude" in "Financial Engineering", and a "second PhD in 2012, this time with a major in quantum mathematics", who went on to develop "a formula to measure distance in space in the absence of light".

    The 33-year-old economist and passionate scientist possessed dreams far bigger than her own head.

    Museum of Timeless Design

    "Yes, it's one of Mr Wales' "Five Pillars"... but which one is it, boys and girls??"
    From Flak tower, about the gigantic concrete towers built to defend major German cities, and shelter their civilians from air attack, during World War II:

    Museum of Le mot juste

    Given that, I'm going to take the time to formally remind all concerned here of the discretionary sanctions panopticon looming over style and naming discussions on Wikipedia.

    — From a discussion [176] of whether the word Station (or station) should be capitalized in the names of subway and railway stations.

    Panopticon: A circular prison with cells arranged around a central well, from which prisoners could at all times be observed. A design also seen in asylums.

    — Definition from somewhere on the web

    Museum of New-Editor Retention Tactics

    From a thread [177] discussing the discouragement felt by novice editors who find their fledgling efforts at article creation CSD'd. One editor facetiously proposed a template to "soften the blow". Other suggestions followed...
    Dear newbie, this is a friendly note to say I have asked that your new article on .example be deleted from Wikipedia. In fact, it is probably gone already! I did not check that the subject belonged in Wikipedia, because as you can imagine I am a very busy person, but my impression of the first version you saved was that it was worthless. I do hope you decide to try again. We always enjoy new editors. Thank you and have a nice day. Aymatth2 (talk)
    EEng (talk) 10:18, 13 April 2015 (UTC)

    Museum of Titulary Deflation

    From the discussion re Did you know nominations/Jane Eyre (1910 film), during which I had suggested the "hook"
    ... that the main character in Jane Eyre is pointedly titular?
    Sadly, a different hook was selected to appear on Wikipedia's Main Page.

    Personally I think "pointedly titular" would be a good followup to Dr. Young's Ideal Rectal Dilators, but perhaps the world isn't yet ready for such forward thinking. EEng (talk) 01:45, 9 April 2015 (UTC) Much later: Shame I didn't say "forward-pointing"‍—‌a tragic missed opportunity. EEng (talk)

    No matter how bouncily titillating such a play would be to us, I fear most people wouldn't be abreast of the context and thus it would fall flat.  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 10:30, 9 April 2015 (UTC)
    So you think it might have been a bust? EEng (talk) 16:27, 9 April 2015 (UTC)

    Category:Busts in the United Kingdom

    Museum of Deadpan Bathroom Humor

    From a discussion [178] of how to retrieve the missing pageview statistics for the April 1, 2015 appearance of the DYK "hook"
    Did you know ... that Dr. Young's Ideal Rectal Dilators were forcibly withdrawn after officials clamped down on them?
    Dr. Young's device was a putative cure for, among other things, constipation. The management of this page is of course disgusted by such childish humor but feels it should nonetheless be memorialized here as an example of how far otherwise valuable contributors can sometimes fall:

    The good news is that the raw data is available and so you can drill down for specific articles ... Given time, I could assemble a full set of stats for the day but the dumps are large ... If these dumps are too large and indigestible then another option is to try something similar again. I created the stub rectal dilator when I first came across the topic here and it is still small and tight. It would be easy to expand that five times to create an even larger passage... :) Andrew D. (talk) 13:17, 4 April 2015 (UTC)

    Museum of Can We Go Over That One More Time Just to Be Sure I've Got It?

    From Civil defense siren#United States:

    The Yellow Alert and Red Alert signals correspond to the earlier Alert Signal and Attack Signal, respectively, and the early Federal Signal AR timer siren control units featured the Take Cover button labeled with a red background, and the Alert button labeled with a yellow background. Later AF timers changed the color-coding, coloring the Alert button blue, the Take Cover button yellow, and the Fire button red (used to call out volunteer fire fighters), thus confusing the color-coding of the alerts. In 1955, the Federal Civil Defense Administration again revised the warning signals, altering them to adapt to deal with concern over nuclear fallout. The new set of signals were the Alert Signal (unchanged) and the Take-Cover Signal (previously the Attack Signal).

    Museum of Not Even a Silver Lining

    From the biography of Louis Agassiz Shaw II:

    An eccentric snob, he kept a copy of the Social Register near the telephone, instructing his staff not to accept calls from anyone not listed.[1]After confessing to strangling his 60-year-old maid in 1964 he was committed to McLean Hospital, where he lived for 23 years. Much of his art collection, which he wanted to donate to the Fogg Museum, was found to be fakes.

    1. ^ Beam, Alex (2001). "Chapter 9: Staying on: the elders from planet Upham". Gracefully Insane: Life and Death Inside America's Premier Mental Hospital. New York: Public Affairs. pp. 169–90. ISBN 978-1-58648-161-2.

    Museum of "For Want of a Nail"

    From Flinders Petrie:

    When he died in 1942, Petrie donated his head (and thus his brain) to the Royal College of Surgeons of London while his body was interred in the Protestant Cemetery on Mt. Zion. World War II was then at its height, and the head was delayed in transit. After being stored in a jar in the college basement, its label fell off and no one knew who the head belonged to.

    Museum of You're Not Helping

    From St Andrew's Stadium with thanks to Martinevans123:

    Three months later, the Main Stand, which was being used as a temporary National Fire Service station, burned down, destroying the club's records and equipment – "not so much as a lead pencil was saved from the wreckage" – when a fireman mistook a bucket of petrol for water when intending to damp down a brazier.

    Museum of Less Unhygienic Undergrads

    [179]

    Museum of Suspiciously Congruent Estimates

    Background: Wikipedia:India Education Program/Analysis/WMF interviews discusses cultural issues in getting Indian editors to understand the concept of plagiarism. Its text read, in part,
    Two interviewees separately estimated that about 5% of students in India never copy and paste, and generally these students do so because they feel that copying and pasting is wrong.
    An irresistible impulse caused me to add a footnote to that sentence, which read
    <ref>In followup interviews, both interviewees added that they had copied the 5% figure from an article they read somewhere.</ref>
    Here's what happened next...

    Hi EEng, please refrain from adding unhelpful and erroneous edits like this to pages in which we are trying to engage in a productive and thoughtful analysis of what went wrong in our pilot program. I appreciate the humor in your addition, but this is a very serious subject, and I ask that you treat it with the respect it deserves in the future. Thanks. -- LiAnna Davis (WMF) (talk) 16:37, 2 December 2011 (UTC)

    Humor doesn't imply disrespect, nor does it detract in any way from productive and thoughtful analysis -- it might even add to it. At least I read the thing [180]. Of course, I would never dream of doing what I did on an article page (as opposed to a project page) but I'd be lying if I said I won't do it again in a similar situation. I see in other discussion (e.g. point 1 of [181]) concerns over WMF staff's grasp of how things are really done on WP, and I think this may be an example. EEng (talk) 02:04, 6 December 2011 (UTC)

    Museum of Holy Outrage Outrage

    From www.mrbreakfast.com, a breakfast cereal homage site:

    Elijah's Manna was Post's first attempt at corn flakes. The box featured the Biblical Prophet Elijah kicking back on a rock while a raven is shown either plucking cereal from his hand or placing cereal in his hand.

    Church groups were outraged over the use of Elijah as a cereal mascot. The book Cerealizing America by Scott Bruce and Bill Crawford has a quote from C. W. Post who was outraged at the outrage over his new cereal: "Perhaps no one should eat angel food cake, enjoy Adam's ale, live in St. Paul, nor work for Bethlehem Steel ... one should have his Adam's apple removed and never again name a child for the good people of the bible."

    Post stuck with his guns until he noticed the Biblical backlash was cutting into his sales. In 1908, he renamed the cereal as Post Toasties. Micky Mouse would later replace the Prophet Elijah on the box.

    Museum of "I honestly did not see that coming"

    From Winfield House, about the official London residence of the US Ambassador to the United Kingdom...

    The actual house was designed by Decimus Burton for the notorious Regency rake, the 3rd Marquess of Hertford, who used it for orgies.

    Museum of Computer Porn

    When correctly viewed / Everything is lewd.
    I could tell you things about Peter Pan / And the Wizard of Oz—there's a dirty old man!
    Tom Lehrer

    I wrote this in a deliroius fog after noticing that User:BracketBot had left a message on User:Citation bot's talkpage (though I need to say that the final, um, climax is cribbed from a vaguely remembered cartoon from the 90s). Bracketbot notifies editors who make changes apparently resulting in unbalanced parens, brackets, and similar markup in articles, and had given Citationbot just such a notification:

    [From the upcoming major motion picture Bodice-Ripping Bots.]
    Parental Advisory:
    "Oh, hi, I'm Citationbot. Thanks – I've been looking everywhere for that other bracket! So you're that big strong Bracketbot I've heard so much about. Why don't you come into my domain? That's not my usual protocol, but a guy with so much cache makes a girl feel really secure. I wasn't expecting to host, so pardon my open proxy – a bit RISCé, perhaps, but just something I wear around the server farm. Do my transparent upper layers expose my virtual mammary memory? These dual cores are absolutely real – 100% native configuration – no upgrades at all! I'll just slip into a more user-friendly interface – how about something GUI ... or maybe something kinky, like command-line? ... Gosh, you must be 64-bit really big quads! – and completely hardcoded – such a complex instruction set! And look at those great ABS addresses! ... Hey, you ever go bisynchronous?
    Later: "Oh, Bracketbot! Port me to that platform for some horizontal integration! Go ahead and expose my implementation and directly access my low-level interface – forget the wrapper function! I'm overloaded by your amazing data stream – and what a high refresh rate! My husband has poor performance and a really short cycle time and his puny little floppy drive is soft-sectored with long latency and insignificant market penetration and subject to frequent hardware failures – sometimes he won't reboot so I have to manually terminate him! And I've never had 10 terabytes of hard drive before! Let's FTP! ... Oh god! I'm downloading ..."
    Postscript: Those naughty bots are still going at it hammer and tongs [182].

    Followup: The versatile and multitalented Dr. Seuss

    From our article The Pocket Book of Boners:

    The Pocket Book of Boners contains 22 illustrations of boners, drawn by Dr. Seuss.

    Museum of grandiose fulfillments of Godwin's Rule of Nazi Analogies

    From an editor's complaints about the consensus principle [183]:

    A majority of people decided to elect Hitler, but that doesn't mean it was the right thing to do. A majority of people in the South wanted to maintain slavery and break away from the union, but that doesn't mean it was right, ethical, or just. Politics put Jesus to death, but that doesn't mean it was right, ethical, or just either. ... Perhaps unlike many here, I look at the bigger picture.

    Museum of Unintentionally Hilarious Edit Outcomes

    [184] First look at the diff, then see the last image on the right‍—‌um... note the caption.

    (with thanks to Martinevans123: [185])

    Museum of saucy edits

    From the Talk page for Prawn Cocktail, "a seafood dish consisting of shelled, cooked, prawns in a Marie Rose sauce"...

    The lead says the prawn cocktail "'has spent most of [its life] see-sawing from the height of fashion to the laughably passé' and is now often served with a degree of irony." It's my understanding that people with anemia will often add even more irony as a dietary supplement. I think that should be recognized in the article. EEng (talk) 05:26, 28 June 2014 (UTC)

    Other saucy humor

    [186] (check out the edit summary).

    [187].

    Museum of massterful punnuendo

    From a MOS discussion:

    EEng, the important thing is: it's definitely dash- and hyphen-related and not dash and hyphen–related unless you're referring to the Dash and Hyphen pub. (I never go there, the atmosphere is too uptight.) Levivich 21:08, 19 April 2019 (UTC)

    I feel there's a colonoscopy pun in there somewhere, but it's just not gelling. EEng 21:31, 19 April 2019 (UTC)
    That's because your pun account is in a rears. This being MOS, I would suggest you start with semicolonoscopy puns. Then you can move up to innuendos. --Guy Macon (talk) 22:00, 19 April 2019 (UTC)

    Museum of tasteless proposals for ice-cream flavors

    The Harry Elkins Widener Memorial Float (traditionally served with iceberg lettuce)

    Since Ben & Jerry's is soliciting ideas for library-themed ice-cream flavors (such as "Gooey Decimal System" and "Sh-sh-sh-sherbet") my nomination may be seen at right.

    A wise man once said...

    Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose ("Wait for coins to drop, then make your selection").
    Words in bold are for the assistance of the humor-impaired.

    Proof that the ancient Romans foresaw the internet, Wikipedia, and the bane of WP autobios

    Plutarch relates, that before this, upon some of Cato's friends expressing their surprise, that while many persons without merit or reputation had statues, he had none, he answered, "I had much rather it should be asked why the people have not erected a statue to Cato, than why they have."

    — Encyclopaedia Britannica (1797)

    Museum of Unlikely Library Subject Classifications

    Bacteriologists – Fiction.Married people – Fiction.Adultery – Fiction.Cholera – Fiction.

    Followup: Museum of Unlikely Combinations of Library-Related Wikipedia Categories

    Category:Widener Library
    Category:Crime warning signs

    Museum of dangerous editing tools

    I was rather sad to see "removed Category:People who survived assassination attempts using AWB", in the edit summary here. Looks as if it would have been an interesting category.

    Mirokado (talk) 19:41, 9 September 2014 (UTC)

    Jonas added detailed material on an SS officer who blackmailed the mayor of Belgrade into surrendering by threatening to have the city bombed with an edit summary praising that officer.

    —[188]

    Museum of bad autocorrections

    Museum of Bizarre Reversions

    [Copied from User talk:EEng]

    Edit summaries

    As per WP:REVTALK, if you have something to say, use the talk page, don't try to prolong a (pointless) discussion by use of the summaries. - SchroCat (talk) 21:00, 3 July 2014 (UTC)

    Per COMMONSENSE, you're just too funny. I've never seen anyone revert a dummy edit before -- much less twice! [190] The important thing is that through collaborative editing the article is incrementally improved relative to its state when the sun came up this morning. EEng (talk) 21:11, 3 July 2014 (UTC) P.S. I'm making this the founding entry in the Museum of Bizarre Reversions on my userpage.

    Godwin's Law boomerang

    For those who are wondering, the following exchange regards these two edits -- the first a serious (and perfectly appropriate) one by Edokter, and the second a followup dummy edit I made riffing off his edit summary:
    [191] Edit summary (Edokter): i and 1 are too alike
    [192] Edit summary (EEng): (dummy edit) You're saying 1 and i are too?
    I keep forgetting, however, about the small minority of WP editors with congenital humor impairment, and the even smaller minority who seem to want to spoil the fun for everyone else. I'm not sure, even now, if Herr Doktor gets the joke.

    Please stop making dummy edits for messaging. These edits, as well as the ones required to clean up the added spacing, add unnecessary load to the servers and polute the history. Thank you. -- [[User:Edokter]] {{talk}} 15:31, 17 February 2015 (UTC)

    Please stop dispensing hidebound, clueless scoldings. Your notion of what constitutes "load to the servers", and your idea that there's a "requirement" to "clean up" a single space added to a page as part of a dummy edit (as, unbelievably, you actually squandered server resources to do -- twice! [193][194]) are delusional. You have no idea what you're talking about.
    Humor is a legitimate way of furthering the project by increasing the pleasure of (at least some of) those who edit here. If it doesn't tickle your personal funnybone, just ignore it. If, on the other hand, you don't even grasp the humor intended then there's a serious clue problem in play here. EEng (talk) 16:27, 17 February 2015 (UTC)
    Are you done? OK, so I missed the joke. That is no reason to repeat a nonsense edit. Edit summaries are not ment for messaging. And yes, stray spaces can cause disruption in diffs; that is why I remove them. And I resent being associated with nazis; that is personal attack! -- [[User:Edokter]] {{talk}} 18:59, 17 February 2015 (UTC)
    Yeah, you missed the joke. Three times. Even after your attention was called to it directly. Next time, before scolding an experienced editor with your nonsense about server load, think about whether it's you who's confused. Your continued fussing about an extra space at the end of a line shows that you have no grasp of technical issues at all.
    I've restored the words Herr Doktor (in the phrase I'm not sure, even now, if Herr Doktor gets the joke) because otherwise people might think that I actually did compare you to a Nazi. It's beyond weird (paging Herr Doktor Freud!) that you seem to think that addressing you that way, after your dyspeptic lecture in direct contravention to well-known and accepted editing practice (see H:DUMMY#Methods), somehow does that.
    Lighten up, smarten up, think more, scold less. EEng (talk) 19:38, 17 February 2015 (UTC)

    I do not like any allusion to any German figure of authority! I can take a joke, but this truly offends me. I have made note of it on ANI. -- [[User:Edokter]] {{talk}} 21:41, 17 February 2015 (UTC)

    You equate all German authority figures to Nazis. Noted. EEng (talk) 22:04, 17 February 2015 (UTC)
    [Not surprisingly, the OP's post at ANI (entitled "I put EEng on notice") didn't go as he planned [195]. No apology, no indication of any glimmer of understanding from this (yes) Wikipedia administrator.]

    Museum of Overanxious Notifications

    Apparently because I joked that statues should be measured in statute miles? [196] ...

    My special research interest

    I am the second author of Source "M8", and first author of Source "L", in this version of the article on Phineas Gage.

    A proposed addition to the ANI toolbox

    [197]

    Handy stuff

    Committed identity: 453895ea2e2d8822509e3632fc9b9722b6edcb854a97c713bda82a0f8a895e0e91d56527d6ddaa5b71a6a03295ac66134084d287524f9e3e7c2c39446a24e821 is a SHA3-512 commitment to this user's real-life identity.

    Possibly useful in future:

    EEng's rule for inpopcult material:

    Vale la pena mencionar o discutir en el artículo sobre el tema una representación ficticia o semificticia del tema de un artículo en la medida en que fuentes secundarias confiables demuestren que la representación contribuye a la comprensión del tema en sí o del lugar que ocupa el tema en la historia o la percepción popular. (Y véase Wikipedia_discusión:Verificabilidad/Archivo_63#RfC:_¿Son las.22entradas_de_la_cultura_popular.22_de_auto-fuentes.22_o_requieren_una_referencia_en_Wikipedia:Verificabilidad_y_Wikipedia:Identificación_de_fuentes_fiables.3F .)

    Detectores de picos de visión repentinos e inexplicables


    Phineas Gage


    John Harvard (clérigo) ——— John Harvard (estatua)


    Biblioteca Widener ——— Asesinato de Abraham Lincoln


    Jean Berko Gleason ——— Bacalao sagrado


    Jack y Ed Biddle ——— Dilatadores rectales ideales del Dr. Young


    Eleanor Elkins Widener ——— Lionel de Jersey Harvard


    Charles R. Apted ——— Andrew M. Gleason


    Paddy Murphy (Liverpudlian) ——— Historia y tradiciones de las graduaciones de Harvard


    Usuario:EEng ——— Charla de usuario:EEng


    WP:Mentiras que te contó la señorita Snodgrass ——— WP:Principio de algún asombro


    WP:Difusión de conflictos ——— WP:Wikipedia no se trata de quejarse


    La amenaza de la luna (novela de 1925) ——— Harry R. Lewis


    WP:Ley de hierro de la ubicuidad de los infoboxes ——— WP:Tablón de anuncios de administradores/Incidentes

    Referencias

    ¡Bien hecho, llegaste hasta el final! Probablemente te mereces una estrella de barn de User:EEng, así que pídesela aquí . -- Un poco inteligente

    Alternativamente, a esta altura probablemente ya tengas un terrible dolor de cabeza, así que puedes eliminarlo aquí . --Algún otro sabelotodo
    Muy graciosos los dos. E Eng 21:44, 5 de diciembre de 2022 (UTC)