- This review is transcluded from Talk:Roger Pogoy/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: D-Flo27 (talk · contribs)
Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 04:51, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
You are going to be busy for a while. Lots of copy changes, including a section that frankly needs rewriting to get its prose up to standard, some references that need addressing, and close paraphrasing issues that can be fixed with a good rewrite of the pro career. This one may end up failing. Ping me when done. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 07:22, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- Hello, thank you for taking the time to review this article. I've started making revisions based on your review and will revise some more later this week (especially the professional section). Also, to answer your question about Tiebreaker Times, it is a member of the Philippine Sportswriters Association, the oldest media organization in the Philippines. Hope that helps. D-Flo27 (talk) 12:03, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- Done with the professional section. Just want to add that I think in most basketball biography articles, that's how the headings work (see Ja Morant and Zion Williamson, two NBA players who so far have only played for one team, as examples). D-Flo27 (talk) 05:17, 25 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- Maybe it's just the way I'm taught. I did still see the issue of the header case in there and fixed that. @D-Flo27, could you mark off what you've changed so I can evaluate more accurately? I still think the second and third lead paragraphs could be a little longer. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 19:16, 26 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Did you know? If you fancy doing so, I always have plenty of GA nominees to review. Just look for the all-uppercase titles in the Television section. Reviews always appreciated.
Copy changes
- Section headers should be in sentence case. Some are not.
- The lead section is too thin for the content in this article. Try a 3- to 4-paragraph lead.
Y
Lead
- Link Mythical Team; the phrasing is unfamiliar if you are not familiar with PH basketball (your reviewer is not, and you shouldn't assume every reader will be). Y
- Instead of "2x", say "two-time". Y
- Most of the lead needs to be just redone to have some more detail to it.
Early life
- MOS:GEOCOMMA needed after "Talisay, Cebu" Y
- Pogoy started getting recognition for his basketball skills at the Salazar Institute of Technology, but dropped out of the school. There's one subject: Pogoy. Thus, the comma is unneeded. WP:CINS Y
- During this time however, he frequently played computer games, such as Counter Strike, which affected his grades and caused him to skip practices. Try During this time, he frequently played computer games such as Counter-Strike, which affected his grades and caused him to skip practices. Y
- The (acronyms) are not needed if the acronym is not mentioned later in the article. Neither CYBL nor CESAFI are. Y
- He then joined the Tamaraws after his father read about the FEU tryouts in Cebu in the local newspaper, and encouraged him to try out. Drop the comma (CinS) Y
College
- Pogoy first played for the FEU Tamaraws in UAAP Season 74. The Tamaraws made it to the finals that year, but lost to the Ateneo Blue Eagles in two games. Y
- Because UAAP seasons are numbered, it'd be helpful to a reader to say, e.g., UAAP Season 74 (2011–12). Without this context, it's not clear that there's a jump from the last mentioned year in the text, which is 2008. Y
- Another CinS comma drop. Y
- They eventually lost in 3 games to the NU Bulldogs.
- Priority item: This is uncited. Cite it. Y
- Spell out "three" (MOS:NUMERAL). Y
- Link "NU Bulldogs" somewhere. Y
- He got frustrated, and told his parents and high school coach that he wanted to go home. CinS comma drop Y
Amateur
- "Aspirants' Cup", plural possessive. (Our articles are terribly inconsistent on this for some reason!) Y
- No need for another level-3 header when this is all alone. Y
Professional career
- Priority item: Strongly consider a holistic rewrite of this section to be less rote recitations of statistics. Right now, it reads like a jumble of numbers. This is going to be the biggest task in this review.
- Bump the level-4 headers to level-3 and drop the TNT level-3 header until Pogoy plays for another team.
- Is "No championship" a fair section header? Maybe consider Y
- Pogoy was drafted in 2016 from the national team training pool by the TNT Katropa, and signed for P9 million.
- For currency mentions, use {{Philippine peso}}. On first use, link:
{{₱|9,000,000|link=yes}}. Y - Is it Katropa or KaTropa? Y
- CinS comma drop Y
- 7 of 18 hyphenate Y
- The KaTropa made it to the playoffs, but failed to advance to the semis CinS comma drop. You have a lot of these in here, many of them involving "but". Ask yourself: would "Failed to advance to the semis" be a complete sentence? No. So you don't need that comma. Y
- Before the playoffs, he was part of the All-Star Three-Point Shootout, the Rookie-Sophomores vs. Juniors Game, and the North vs. South Game in the 2019 All-Star Weekend. They lost in the quarterfinals to the Beermen in 3 games. Unclear "They" in context. This is a common issue. I'd try to mention the team name at the first appropriate place in a paragraph. Y
- With Terrence Jones as their import, they clinched 1st seed. They beat Alaska in the quarterfinals, and Ginebra in the semifinals. Y
- Spell out "first", maybe "the first" in this context Y
- Drop comma after "quarterfinals" Y
- In the 2019 Governor's Cup, they started off 7–0 before losing to the NLEX Road Warriors. Instead of "they", maybe KaTropa? Y
- the Meralco should this just be "Meralco"? Y
- On September 17, the PBA Board of Governors have approved a plan to restart the season on October 11 (originally on October 9), then was given a provisional approval by the Inter-Agency Task Force for the Management of Emerging Infectious Diseases (IATF-EID) on September 24. All games were played in the "PBA bubble" in Angeles City, the isolation zone specifically created for league operations. Now that we're a bit past COVID, we can add a {{further}} to link to 2020 PBA season and then be more concise. After the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic in the Philippines, the PBA did not resume play until October 11, 2020, in a specially created "bubble" isolation zone in Angeles City.
- This paragraph especially is a jumble that needs to be written more holistically and less like a proseline. Y
National team
- Pogoy was also named to the 2017 SEABA Championship lineup, and the 2017 William Jones Cup lineup. His team also finished 7th in the 2017 FIBA Asia Cup. He also participated in the November 2017 window and February 2018 window for the 2019 FIBA Asia World Cup Qualifiers. No need for any of these "also"s and the comma. Y
- They lost their next games against Mongolia and Canada, but finished their campaign with a win against Russia to finish 3rd in Pool D. CinS comma drop Y
- In a game against Australia in the July window What year? (Also, that brawl... yikes!) Y
Sourcing and spot checks
Asking because it accounts for 109 of 170 references: what makes Tiebreaker Times a reliable source?
- 6: Tiebreaker Times article checks out on tryouts. Y
- 9:
Roger Pogoy added 17 points and 13 rebounds for the Tamaraws.
Y - 12: Game 1 win and
Roger Pogoy added 17 points and 13 rebounds for the Tamaraws.
Y - 31:
In the victory, Pogoy scored a new career-high of 22 points spiked by six triples — three of it made in the final frame, with the last one coming in the 3:20 mark to help arrest a SMB hijack attempt, 92-86.
Heh, I've never heard of a rally called a hijack attempt in a game. Probably for good reason. Y - 33:
The Beermen dismantled the TNT KaTropa, 96-83, in Game 7 of the semifinals on Monday night at the Mall of Asia Arena.
Y - 56:
Roger Pogoy had a solid outing of 21 points on 9-of-11 shooting and five rebounds, but his status for TNT’s next games is in question, as he sprained his left ankle with 4:20 left in the game after stepping on Blakely’s foot
Y - 61:
Pogoy finished with 28 points on 13-of-17 shooting, including 12 in the final quarter, where he scored 10 straight in a span of less than two minutes. His performance propelled the Texters to a commanding 104-72 lead with 8:45 remaining.
My concern is that this reads a lot like our article: he returned with 28 points on 13-of-17 shooting, including 12 in the final quarter, where he scored 10 straight in a span of less than two minutes that is a long passage with WP:CLOP issues. stats are correct, but must be reworded. - 74:
NLEX gave TNT its first loss after a 7-0 start
Y - 81: Bubble season article. Add date: September 17, 2020. Facts check out. Y
- 105:
Marcio Lassiter finally had the ending he wanted as he towed San Miguel past TNT, 98-96, to tie their Honda PBA Philippine Cup semifinal series at a game apiece, Wednesday at the DHVSU Gym in Bacolor, Pampanga.
Y - 123:
Pogoy finished with a game-high 32 points, 26 of which he made in the first half alone that saw him shoot a perfect 10-of-10 from the field — including 6-for-6 from beyond the arc — as his side established a 58-44 lead at the break. Pogoy overall shot 85-percent from the floor, going 8-for-9 from deep, He also collected three rebounds, an assist, and a steal in 28 minutes.
Y - 125:
With their depth in full display yet again, SMB eliminated its rivals for the first time with head coach Chot Reyes — who’s missing the playoffs after 24 straight appearances — at TNT’s helm.
Is TNT missing the playoffs or Reyes? Check this and reword if necessary. - 128:
He has now scored 20 or more points in all four games this conference, three of which the team has won.
Y - 129:
Roger Pogoy led the welcoming committee for Rondae Hollis-Jefferson as he led TNT’s 138-116 mauling of Blackwater for their fourth consecutive win in the PBA Governors’ Cup, Wednesday at the Mall of Asia Arena in Pasay. Much of the attention was on the former NBA cager’s debut but the two-way specialist indeed stole the show, erupting for a season-high 40 points on seven three-pointers alongside nine rebounds to star in the blowout.
Y - 131:
Also part of this year’s event were Roger Pogoy...
Y - 138: TNT winning the Governors Cup. Y
- 145: SEABA lineup. Y
Other passages that need rewriting for close paraphrasing (CLOP):
- After sitting out versus Rain or Shine due to flu, he returned with 28 points on 13-of-17 shooting, including 12 in the final quarter, where he scored 10 straight in a span of less than two minutes and led the TNT KaTropa’s 127–89 whitewashing of the Blackwater Elite while also collecting six rebounds and four assists. Y
- becoming only the fourth local player in league history to shoot that many threes in a game Y
- We still have the CLOP issue, D-Flo27. Our article: After sitting out versus Rain or Shine due to flu, he returned and led the KaTropa to a whitewashing of the Blackwater Elite. In that game, he finished with 28 points on 13-of-17 shooting, including 12 in the final quarter, where he scored 10 straight in a span of less than two minutes while also collecting six rebounds and four assists. Tiebreaker Times: After sitting out versus Rain or Shine due to flu, Roger Pogoy returned with a bang and led the TNT KaTropa’s 127-89 whitewashing of the Blackwater Elite, Saturday evening at the Ynares Center in Antipolo City. Pogoy finished with 28 points on 13-of-17 shooting, including 12 in the final quarter, where he scored 10 straight in a span of less than two minutes. His performance propelled the Texters to a commanding 104-72 lead with 8:45 remaining. The third-year guard out of Far Eastern University also collected six rebounds and four assists. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 06:28, 30 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- Hello, I am sure I have fixed that issue now. If there's anything else needed to do, please let me know. Thank you very much. D-Flo27 (talk) 07:30, 30 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- Sorry about the delay. I took a fresh look, tweaked some things, and am going to pass. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 18:20, 6 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Images
There is just one image, PD in the Philippines. The resolution is low, but it's okay to use.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
